Cultic Studies Journal, Vol. 6, No. 1, 1989, Page 63
Some families are more in touch with feelings of anger than guilt, and initially direct their
anger at the cultist for getting involved in a destructive group. Other families use anger as
a defense to protect themselves from facing guilt or feelings of loss. Once these families
gain a richer understanding of the manipulative techniques that cults employ, their anger
moves from the cultist to a more appropriate target: the group leader or the group itself.
The families often have little trouble adopting a plan of action aimed at dislodging the cult
member from the group, although they may move too quickly to arrange an exit counseling
that may be too dramatic and deceptive. As with the depressed family, this reaction often
has more to do with long- established family patterns of dealing with crises than with the
dynamics of the present situation.
In assessing an individual‟s involvement in a group, it is important to consider first whether
he might be questioning membership and may, therefore, be receptive to a low-key exit
counseling approach rather than a more dramatic intervention. Former cultists often feel
that they would have been responsive to such an approach and chastise their parents for
moving too quickly to arrange a more dramatic intervention. Former cultists often feel that
they were not the passive, unquestioning “robots” that their families were led to believe
they were and that they may have left the cult on their own even without intervention. Of
course, sometimes these explanations are a face-saving way for the former cultist to defend
against feelings of shame and guilt for having become involved in the cult in the first place.
Susan, while living at home, had become involved in a new age cult. She had
some doubts about the group however, she found the members to be
friendly and her involvement improved her social life. Her parents and best
friend, alarmed about her cult involvement, secretly arranged an exit-
counseling with a former member of the cult. Initially, Susan was annoyed at
the deception, finding it insulting. She believed that if her family had told her
directly of their concerns and arranged for her to meet with someone, she
would have done so. In therapy, she came to see how this behavior was
related to her family‟s long-standing pattern of not communicating about
problems directly.
Mrs. F. was upset because her daughter, who had been counseled from a cult
in a dramatic intervention two years earlier, still maintained that she would
have recognized the cult‟s destructive nature and left on her own if she had
been given enough time. Mrs. F.‟s need was to be reassured that she had
done the right thing by intervening in her daughter‟s life. Her daughter‟s
need was to maintain her sense of herself as an intelligent, discerning
woman. Mrs. F. came to recognize that insisting upon her daughter‟s
endorsement of her actions was counterproductive and was, in part, based on
her own ambivalence about her intervention. Instead, she asked her
daughter whether she would acknowledge that given the information Mrs. F.
had at the time, it was understandable for her to have intervened. Mrs. F.‟s
daughter said that she could understand the reasons for Mrs. F.‟s actions, and
Mrs. F. was satisfied with this response.
Anxiety is another emotion experienced by families during this stage. Again, this emotion
was already a predominant one in many families, particularly in those which have a
tendency to see the world in terms of its dangers rather than its opportunities.
Nevertheless, many families express realistic concerns for the cultist‟s health and safety.
They worry about the effects of poor nutrition and fatigue. They are concerned that the cult
member will be induced to enter into activities with deleterious health and legal
consequences.
Some families are more in touch with feelings of anger than guilt, and initially direct their
anger at the cultist for getting involved in a destructive group. Other families use anger as
a defense to protect themselves from facing guilt or feelings of loss. Once these families
gain a richer understanding of the manipulative techniques that cults employ, their anger
moves from the cultist to a more appropriate target: the group leader or the group itself.
The families often have little trouble adopting a plan of action aimed at dislodging the cult
member from the group, although they may move too quickly to arrange an exit counseling
that may be too dramatic and deceptive. As with the depressed family, this reaction often
has more to do with long- established family patterns of dealing with crises than with the
dynamics of the present situation.
In assessing an individual‟s involvement in a group, it is important to consider first whether
he might be questioning membership and may, therefore, be receptive to a low-key exit
counseling approach rather than a more dramatic intervention. Former cultists often feel
that they would have been responsive to such an approach and chastise their parents for
moving too quickly to arrange a more dramatic intervention. Former cultists often feel that
they were not the passive, unquestioning “robots” that their families were led to believe
they were and that they may have left the cult on their own even without intervention. Of
course, sometimes these explanations are a face-saving way for the former cultist to defend
against feelings of shame and guilt for having become involved in the cult in the first place.
Susan, while living at home, had become involved in a new age cult. She had
some doubts about the group however, she found the members to be
friendly and her involvement improved her social life. Her parents and best
friend, alarmed about her cult involvement, secretly arranged an exit-
counseling with a former member of the cult. Initially, Susan was annoyed at
the deception, finding it insulting. She believed that if her family had told her
directly of their concerns and arranged for her to meet with someone, she
would have done so. In therapy, she came to see how this behavior was
related to her family‟s long-standing pattern of not communicating about
problems directly.
Mrs. F. was upset because her daughter, who had been counseled from a cult
in a dramatic intervention two years earlier, still maintained that she would
have recognized the cult‟s destructive nature and left on her own if she had
been given enough time. Mrs. F.‟s need was to be reassured that she had
done the right thing by intervening in her daughter‟s life. Her daughter‟s
need was to maintain her sense of herself as an intelligent, discerning
woman. Mrs. F. came to recognize that insisting upon her daughter‟s
endorsement of her actions was counterproductive and was, in part, based on
her own ambivalence about her intervention. Instead, she asked her
daughter whether she would acknowledge that given the information Mrs. F.
had at the time, it was understandable for her to have intervened. Mrs. F.‟s
daughter said that she could understand the reasons for Mrs. F.‟s actions, and
Mrs. F. was satisfied with this response.
Anxiety is another emotion experienced by families during this stage. Again, this emotion
was already a predominant one in many families, particularly in those which have a
tendency to see the world in terms of its dangers rather than its opportunities.
Nevertheless, many families express realistic concerns for the cultist‟s health and safety.
They worry about the effects of poor nutrition and fatigue. They are concerned that the cult
member will be induced to enter into activities with deleterious health and legal
consequences.
