Cultic Studies Journal, Vol. 6, No. 1, 1989, Page 64
The authors have previously noted the sadness that families experience when a member is
in a cult. Families can lose both an emotional and physical connection with the cult
member. Sometimes, this loss includes the cult member‟s spouse and children, particularly
if the cult leader forbids parents from visiting.
At times, particularly when a family member has been in a cult for a long period of time,
some family members center their own lives around that individual and his/her plight.
These family members may become obsessed with the cultist and neglect their own, their
spouse‟s, and their other children‟s needs. These individuals must be helped to recognize
the feelings of neglect and resentment which may be felt by spouses and other children.
Similarly, the spouses and children must be helped to recognize their feelings as natural
under the circumstances rather than as examples of selfishness or insensitivity. A clinician
can be useful at this point to help the family recognize the need for balancing concern for
the cultist with the development of a rich life full of interests and activities which have
nothing to do with cults.
Mr. E. entered therapy because of the distress he was experiencing due to his
son‟s involvement with a Bible cult. Since his son was married with two
children and living in a distant state, Mr. E. believed there was nothing he
could do to change the situation and felt impotent. His obsession with this
adult child had alienated his two younger children and he was suffering from
marital difficulties. In therapy, he came to understand how his self-torments
were really his way of tormenting his son in fantasy and also how his
obsessions were his way of keeping a tie to his son. However, in reality, this
behavior was quite destructive to him and his family. In time, Mr. E. was able
to become more directly involved with his son. He began to visit him during
vacation periods and voiced his concerns about the group directly to his son
at these times, as well as in letters and on the telephone. As Mr. E. felt more
connected with his son in reality, his feelings of loss and impotence
diminished and he was able to let go of his destructive obsessions.
Post-Cult
We now turn to the emotions that are felt by families when the young adult leaves the cult.
In particular, we would like to discuss the feelings of anxiety, anger, and joy.
As mentioned earlier, anxiety is often related to fears about the effect the cult experience
may have had on the individual involved. Even families that tend not to be overprotective
initially seem to walk on egg shells around the former cultist (Goldberg &Goldberg 1982).
The family is usually fearful that the former cultist will be pulled back into the cult and they
are constantly vigilant for signs that the individual is planning to return. Some fear that if
they could lose him/her once, it could happen again unless they stand guard. Their fears
are exacerbated by stories they have heard about former members who were manipulated
back to the cult. At times there is an exaggerated fear of the “hypnotic hold” which the cult
can supposedly exert over former members.
Mrs. K. called the authors in a state of panic. Her son, who had been
counseled from a cult two weeks earlier, was moving back home with Mrs. K.
While packing up his apartment with Mrs. K.‟s help, he had encountered a
current member of the cult. Despite his mother‟s protestations, the son sat
down to talk.
The most important task for former cult members at this point is to regain a sense of
mastery over their life --to feel that they can make independent decisions that will not
prove to be as disastrous as the one to enter the cult turned out to be. The message
families should give former cultists is that they were temporarily sidetracked, but are back
The authors have previously noted the sadness that families experience when a member is
in a cult. Families can lose both an emotional and physical connection with the cult
member. Sometimes, this loss includes the cult member‟s spouse and children, particularly
if the cult leader forbids parents from visiting.
At times, particularly when a family member has been in a cult for a long period of time,
some family members center their own lives around that individual and his/her plight.
These family members may become obsessed with the cultist and neglect their own, their
spouse‟s, and their other children‟s needs. These individuals must be helped to recognize
the feelings of neglect and resentment which may be felt by spouses and other children.
Similarly, the spouses and children must be helped to recognize their feelings as natural
under the circumstances rather than as examples of selfishness or insensitivity. A clinician
can be useful at this point to help the family recognize the need for balancing concern for
the cultist with the development of a rich life full of interests and activities which have
nothing to do with cults.
Mr. E. entered therapy because of the distress he was experiencing due to his
son‟s involvement with a Bible cult. Since his son was married with two
children and living in a distant state, Mr. E. believed there was nothing he
could do to change the situation and felt impotent. His obsession with this
adult child had alienated his two younger children and he was suffering from
marital difficulties. In therapy, he came to understand how his self-torments
were really his way of tormenting his son in fantasy and also how his
obsessions were his way of keeping a tie to his son. However, in reality, this
behavior was quite destructive to him and his family. In time, Mr. E. was able
to become more directly involved with his son. He began to visit him during
vacation periods and voiced his concerns about the group directly to his son
at these times, as well as in letters and on the telephone. As Mr. E. felt more
connected with his son in reality, his feelings of loss and impotence
diminished and he was able to let go of his destructive obsessions.
Post-Cult
We now turn to the emotions that are felt by families when the young adult leaves the cult.
In particular, we would like to discuss the feelings of anxiety, anger, and joy.
As mentioned earlier, anxiety is often related to fears about the effect the cult experience
may have had on the individual involved. Even families that tend not to be overprotective
initially seem to walk on egg shells around the former cultist (Goldberg &Goldberg 1982).
The family is usually fearful that the former cultist will be pulled back into the cult and they
are constantly vigilant for signs that the individual is planning to return. Some fear that if
they could lose him/her once, it could happen again unless they stand guard. Their fears
are exacerbated by stories they have heard about former members who were manipulated
back to the cult. At times there is an exaggerated fear of the “hypnotic hold” which the cult
can supposedly exert over former members.
Mrs. K. called the authors in a state of panic. Her son, who had been
counseled from a cult two weeks earlier, was moving back home with Mrs. K.
While packing up his apartment with Mrs. K.‟s help, he had encountered a
current member of the cult. Despite his mother‟s protestations, the son sat
down to talk.
The most important task for former cult members at this point is to regain a sense of
mastery over their life --to feel that they can make independent decisions that will not
prove to be as disastrous as the one to enter the cult turned out to be. The message
families should give former cultists is that they were temporarily sidetracked, but are back
