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experience can be seen as similar to the experience of first-generation cultists. That is, as
mentioned previously, the pseudo-personality of the cult is superimposed on the original
personality. However, in early adolescence, the original personality is not fully formed. The
cult is co-opting a normal unfolding of adolescence, an important stage of development.
In early adolescence, a decathexis from familiar love objects (parents) normally occurs, with
a consequent search for new objects. Typically, the normal course of this shift occurs from
the parents, to the self, to homosexual objects (girlfriends), and finally, to new heterosexual
objects (boyfriends) (Blos, 1962).
Blos states:
Friendships, crushes, fantasy life, intellectual interests, athletic activities, and
preoccupation with grooming, in general, all protect the girl against
precocious—that is, defensive heterosexual activity. However, the girl‘s
ultimate safeguard for her normal passage through this phase is the
emotional availability of the parent, particularly the mother or a mother
substitute.‖ (Blos, p. 87, 1962)
Prior to the cult, Sue certainly appeared to be the typical adolescent, close to her girlfriends
and interested in school activities. However, as her father began to be controlled by the cult
leader and her mother followed, she lost a vital connection to her parents and their values.
This connection was sharply truncated, which did not allow her to separate in the gradual
way of most adolescents. Her minister and cult teen group leaders strove to replace her
parents. They impinged upon her relationship with girlfriends. Although Sue continued to be
involved with friends, her new attitudes adopted from the cult, as well as the time demands
of the cult, created a distance in her friendships and from her former self.
In adolescence proper, the shift typically moves from girlfriends toward heterosexual
objects. Because of the strict codes of the cult, Sue was pressured to turn away from
potential boyfriends. At one point during high school, when she was considering leaving the
group despite her father‘s presumed disappointment, an ascendant male teen leader
―befriended‖ her and, exploiting her budding sexuality, seductively convinced her to stay.
Therefore, her first sexual experiences were manipulative and predatory.
Anna Freud discusses how the trait of negativism emerges in adolescence (A. Freud, 1936).
This trait allows adolescents to begin to separate from parental attitudes. In contrast to
their outward compliance, Sue secretly rebelled, whereas Tim attempted to circumvent
some of the rituals, proselytizing, and more difficult work at the monastery. Sue attempted
to have a secret counter-life with high-school friends in which she smoked in private and
talked about boys with her friends. However, because the harsh attitudes of the cult
eventually became internalized, Sue, like Tim, felt tremendous conflict (guilt and a sense of
shame) about their rebellious attitudes.
Blos writes that it is the task of the late adolescent to arrive at a ―final settlement‖ that he
or she subjectively feels to be ―my way of life.‖ The question of ―Who am I?‖ begins to fade.
At the stage of late adolescence there should be ―clarity of purpose and awareness of the
self…. This is me‖ (Blos, p. 128, 1962).
Instead of clarity of purpose and a sense of a cohesive self, Sue experienced a split identity
at this stage of life. As the minister became more exploitive, her father began to see the
hypocrisy of the group and his doubts increased. When she was 21, Sue‘s father decided to
leave the cult. Although Sue questions whether or not this gave her ―permission‖ to leave,
she did begin to feel that the potential for going to Hell upon leaving the church could not
be worse than the hell she was experiencing as a member.

Cultic Studies Review, Vol. 5, No. 1, 2006, Page 15
After leaving the cult, Sue initially felt relief about no longer having to adhere to such a
strict doctrine. However, for several post-cult years, she continued to struggle with
attempting to separate from cult experiences and attitudes that seemed to limit her life.
Instead of a consolidation at the end of adolescence, Sue experienced a split life.
After a year in therapy, Sue decided to enter graduate school in journalism in an attempt to
recapture some of what she had lost.
―When I started therapy,‖ she wrote to me,
I felt like I had lost so much time. And I wanted so much to understand what
had happened. And I wanted to get a career and a relationship. And I wanted
to get better. I wanted to get better so badly, I did what I could to get myself
into a position where I could start accomplishing something. I wanted to feel
good about myself and feel whole. But I don‘t feel whole. Because I‘m still
trying to pretend like this didn‘t happen.
It‘s exactly like it was in high school. I reveal my secret to people I feel safe
revealing it to. I rushed through therapy because it was what I needed to do
to get through graduate school. And I was hard on myself because I wanted
to be OK. I needed to exorcise my grief. But, in doing so, it‘s all been in this
frenzy to catch up and right a wrong. And now I‘m beginning to understand
so clearly that I‘ll never ever change what happened to me and that this is
not the way I‘m going to get better. And I‘m not going to feel complete this
way. Because the only thing I could ever do is try to make my life normal on
the outside only: trying to keep it going. To say, ―Hey, I‘m in this thing, this is
happening but I‘m still like you guys.‖ But you know what? I wasn‘t. And I‘m
not. I still have that split.
Sue describes the emotions that often are experienced by those raised in cults. Members
are induced to use the splitting defense to see the cult world as all good and the outside
world as evil. Markowitz and Halperin point out that splitting further occurs because cultists
are induced to split off and isolate old affects (which are part of their earlier experiences).
Doing this promotes a strong separation between old ties [and attitudes] and the cult
(Markowitz and Halperin, 1984). Although this splitting process usually is applied to first-
generation cultists, if it occurs early in adolescence, it can have a greater impact on the
personality (which still is in development). Sue, like Tim, attempted to look ―normal‖ on the
outside, but they were painfully aware of feeling so different, and this created distance from
others in their lives. Splitting off their past left each of them vulnerable to periods of
depression and anxiety. Integration of the past into the present has allowed each of them to
feel more acceptance of who they are, more in control of their actions. This integration also
results in their having more energy to participate in life. Both Tim and Sue also revealed a
split superego or conscience. They each struggled with following their own instincts to
survive rather than strictly adhering to the moral code of the cult. Going against the rules
left them feeling guilty and ashamed.
The following is an example of how Sue began to integrate her life: After about six months
of therapy, she confided in me that she has a secret life that she shares with no one, not
even her closest friends: She goes to bars and clubs with a separate, younger group of
friends and picks up guys. This sexual side of her contrasts sharply with her prim and
proper image. As we began to explore this, Sue saw that the need to have a secret life
originated when she was 14 and entered the cult. It was her way of rebelling against the
restrictions of the cult and of holding onto her former independent self. This behavior was
also Sue‘s attempt to do some of the activities that she had been restricted from doing
while she was in the cult.