Cultic Studies Review, Vol. 5, No. 1, 2006, Page 12
see how his tendency to have negative feelings about his life served his need to punish
himself. Tim began letting go of the sadomasochistic conflicts that had permeated his entire
life.
I have found that former members often have a need to play out their guilt by
unconsciously undermining their lives after the cult. Although Tim chose to leave his group,
he continued to experience the threat of eternal damnation. Examination of post-cult guilt
can help former cultists discover its origin and can lead to their ability to abandon it.
However, as with many former cult members who have felt betrayed by religion, Tim has
chosen a secular life.
In looking at childhood pictures of Tim, I see a sweet and gentle child, and his memories
corroborate this image. He was probably born with a gentle temperament. Additionally, Tim
appears to have trouble utilizing aggression, not only because this behavior was so
discouraged in his environment, but also because he fears being explosive, as his father
was. In attempting to keep his aggressive feelings in check, he has learned to defend
against them in a variety of ways. Anger might be displaced. For example, he might have
intense reactions to other drivers while he is driving his car. He also suffers from a variety
of somatic reactions to stress. These reactions might indicate that he learned to turn anger
against the self. We have explored these somatic reactions as a way of attempting to
understand their genesis and to offer Tim some relief.
Nevertheless, Tim‘s learned passivity created problems for his post-cult relationships. Tim
was more fortunate than some former members who get involved in relationships with
rather domineering and/or controlling partners (Goldberg, 2003).
In these case, there might at first be an attraction to those who can structure their lives in
the manner in which their cult leader did. There is a tendency to continue the
sadomasochistic behavior that was intensified in the cult. This can be familiar and libidinally
gratifying. However, as the former members spend more time in the outside world and
become less dependent and passive, they have less need to rely so totally on their partners.
At this point, they might begin to want more freedom to decide things for themselves. They
might wish to feel more pleasure in life despite the fact that this desire for pleasure was
defined as ―selfishness‖ in the cult. This newfound freedom can have a negative impact on
their post-cult relationships. Unless their partners have the flexibility to change, the
relationships can become problematic. Sometimes noncult partners might see all the
problems they are experiencing with their partners as stemming from the cult. If these
partners cannot consider that some of the problems might stem from other sources, the
relationship will continue to have difficulties.
Case Study: Sue
I began to see Sue when she was 28 years old. Sue was a pretty young woman who initially
appeared somewhat intense and proper. She described herself as depressed. However, over
time I became aware of her intelligence and delightful sense of humor, which at times
allowed her to laugh at her intensity.
Sue had moved to New York City after college in an attempt to broaden her life. She was
working for a health organization, but she was feeling little satisfaction from her job. She
had friends but felt disconnected from them. She was unable to become involved in a long-
term romantic relationship. She was taking no pleasure in her life and believed that this was
connected to her involvement in a cult.
Sue had been 14 years old, entering her first year of high school, when a manipulative,
charismatic leader took over her parents‘ mainline church.4 Subsequent to this takeover, the
church became a more controlling and conservative place. It was now required that she go
to Bible study classes after school rather than participate in extracurricular activities (i.e.,

Cultic Studies Review, Vol. 5, No. 1, 2006, Page 13
baton twirling) or simply hang out with friends. When she did spend time on noncult
activities or with friends, her commitment to God was harshly questioned. Dating boys was
not allowed. People outside the church were seen as ―worldly and hypocritical.‖ Sue started
to believe that she had to be the perfect representative of the cult: Her father was
depending on her.
Her father, who was an elder in the church, and her mother, who resentfully followed her
husband‘s lead, focused less on Sue and more on the demands of the minister.
Subsequently, Sue felt emotionally abandoned by her parents at this difficult stage of life.5
She learned to hide her own resentments because to protest turned her into a bad person in
the group‘s eyes. She learned to look like a perfect adolescent but secretly rebelled by
smoking cigarettes when she was alone. She learned to play two roles: the perfect,
committed cult teenager and the typical, fun-loving, high-school adolescent. Within the cult
world, Sue was ashamed of her teenage attitudes and her continuing desire to have a
normal teenage life. However, when she was with her girlfriends at school, she attempted to
hide her newly learned condemning cultic attitudes so she would not lose her friends and
would be able to survive the high-school years. Despite her attempts to hide this ―double
life,‖ her friends saw a change. She seemed more emotionally distant. At times, she found
she was setting herself up as an ―example‖ to her friends, and she suspected that she had
become somewhat self-righteous. She reflected in therapy about how her personality lost its
sparkle. She felt that she became colorless, and that she was playing a role.
In Sue‘s words,
I can picture it all so clearly: when this caving in of sorts first happened.
Going into the summer before my freshman year of high school, I remember
so well that feeling of being hopeful and excited and unhesitant about life. I
had worked really hard on my baton routine that spring and practiced all the
time for majorette tryouts. I was so determined and focused. I wore this
yellow and white terry cloth shorts set to the try-out. I was ecstatic when I
learned that I made it as an incoming freshman. I felt really proud and
complete and hopeful.
I‘ve felt proud about some things since that time, but it‘s never been that
same kind of clean pride. In the cult, it was a shameful pride. After the cult, it
was basically muddied and regretful pride over my sporadic accomplishments.
For many years, I felt no pride at all. Over the past two years, it‘s been a
catching-up pride. All of this has left me feeling incomplete.
I remember the minister coming to my house to visit my Dad that summer.
He was friendly and interested in me. Later my Dad told me that he was
impressed with me: my enthusiasm, my spunk, my brightness. I remember
feeling flattered. Who wouldn‘t be? Thinking back on it, it all looks so
different. I see him as a dirty, pimp-like man who saw a pretty little girl and
liked what he saw, showered me with gifts and attention, and then turned
around and raped me. Then he sent me out on the streets to work for him
and turned his attention to someone else.
But that‘s not how it seemed that day. I was still my own person then—
completely. It took a little while for me to get the big picture that my life
wasn‘t mine anymore. But once I did, there was a big change on the inside
that went along with what must have looked like a small change on the
outside.
With the minister‘s visit to her home, Sue moved from seeing her parents as the authorities
in her life to seeing the minister and later the group‘s teen leaders in that role. This