Cultic Studies Review, Vol. 5, No. 1, 2006, Page 10
provide him with the ―answer‖ about how to handle different situations. As I began to feel
uncomfortable about his emerging reliance on me, I reflected with him on how he seemed
to be expecting me to be the new authority in his life. I added that I felt that I would not be
helpful to him if I fell into that role. I told him that we could talk about alternative ways of
handing different situations, but he was going to have to figure out the best answer for
himself. At times, Tim expressed annoyance with me for not giving him ―the answer.‖ He
often said, ―You know what to do. I wish you would just tell me.‖ Although I could
empathize with his sense of frustration, I told him that he was capable of thinking things out
for himself. At times, I would also suggest that he use the support group, other cult
members, or clergy to focus on matters with which he was having difficulty.
It is common for those who have been in cultic groups to initially engage in an idealizing
transference, viewing the therapist as an all-knowing expert on every matter (Goldberg,
1993). Some former cultists initially present themselves as helpless and vulnerable people
who need the therapist‘s supposed omnipotent wisdom. As I have noted previously
(Goldberg, 1993), it is important not to play into this idealization by assuming the role of
expert or rescuer, and/or by violating therapeutic boundaries. In the cult, members were
encouraged to be passive, and idealization was encouraged past childhood, through
adolescence, and into adulthood. Cult members were treated as children and discouraged
from feeling as if they were competent. In therapy, I encourage former members to find
solutions and take actions on their own behalf. Breaking through the passive orientation to
life enhances their sense of self.
However, despite this initial passive presentation, I have found former cultists to be quite
resourceful in numerous ways. Tim figured out how to survive in a foreign country. He
escaped the more rigorous rituals and spent time in the kitchen where he was able to eat
well and gain maternal attention from the kitchen staff. He pretended to be asleep or got
involved in an activity away from the monastery as a way to avoid having to join
proselytizing campaigns. He traveled to other countries on his own. Although Tim was
floundering in the world outside the cult, he and I began to appreciate all the successful
ways that he had coped in the past. Instead of identifying himself as a lost soul, he began
to appreciate his strengths and develop his own answers.
Tim‘s emotional reactions were re-enacted with individuals from his present life many years
after he originally had experienced childhood trauma. [Freud noted that, instead of
remembering, unconscious mental assumptions and experiences with important early
relationships would be repeated in the transference (Freud, 1914).] In early sessions, Tim
focused on situations in which he seemed to transfer feelings and behaviors that he first had
experienced with his mother and the cult leaders to his wife. As I have noted previously, the
marital relationship, in all circumstances, provides a place in which the internal conflicts of
each partner can be externalized and expressed to the partner in one‘s interactions
(Goldberg, 2003). Initially, Tim‘s wife had been seen as a lifeline, a rescuer, who had given
him the opportunity to begin his life outside the cult. Later, she often was seen as the
powerful, punishing parent—an overbearing woman with ceaseless demands for perfection.
Spouses, and also therapists who deal with those who have been raised in abusive
situations, typically are either experienced as punishing or protecting individuals. This is
part of the power that former cultists believe they have. For now, Tim has expressed that he
sees me as a kind friend. Also, when I help him better deal with his emotions, he might
experience me as protecting. However, it has been important for me to help Tim talk about
how he feels when I do not give him ―the answer.‖ Tim experiences me as punishing at
those times. As I further explore this issue with him, I continue to point out that only he has
―the answer‖ for him.
provide him with the ―answer‖ about how to handle different situations. As I began to feel
uncomfortable about his emerging reliance on me, I reflected with him on how he seemed
to be expecting me to be the new authority in his life. I added that I felt that I would not be
helpful to him if I fell into that role. I told him that we could talk about alternative ways of
handing different situations, but he was going to have to figure out the best answer for
himself. At times, Tim expressed annoyance with me for not giving him ―the answer.‖ He
often said, ―You know what to do. I wish you would just tell me.‖ Although I could
empathize with his sense of frustration, I told him that he was capable of thinking things out
for himself. At times, I would also suggest that he use the support group, other cult
members, or clergy to focus on matters with which he was having difficulty.
It is common for those who have been in cultic groups to initially engage in an idealizing
transference, viewing the therapist as an all-knowing expert on every matter (Goldberg,
1993). Some former cultists initially present themselves as helpless and vulnerable people
who need the therapist‘s supposed omnipotent wisdom. As I have noted previously
(Goldberg, 1993), it is important not to play into this idealization by assuming the role of
expert or rescuer, and/or by violating therapeutic boundaries. In the cult, members were
encouraged to be passive, and idealization was encouraged past childhood, through
adolescence, and into adulthood. Cult members were treated as children and discouraged
from feeling as if they were competent. In therapy, I encourage former members to find
solutions and take actions on their own behalf. Breaking through the passive orientation to
life enhances their sense of self.
However, despite this initial passive presentation, I have found former cultists to be quite
resourceful in numerous ways. Tim figured out how to survive in a foreign country. He
escaped the more rigorous rituals and spent time in the kitchen where he was able to eat
well and gain maternal attention from the kitchen staff. He pretended to be asleep or got
involved in an activity away from the monastery as a way to avoid having to join
proselytizing campaigns. He traveled to other countries on his own. Although Tim was
floundering in the world outside the cult, he and I began to appreciate all the successful
ways that he had coped in the past. Instead of identifying himself as a lost soul, he began
to appreciate his strengths and develop his own answers.
Tim‘s emotional reactions were re-enacted with individuals from his present life many years
after he originally had experienced childhood trauma. [Freud noted that, instead of
remembering, unconscious mental assumptions and experiences with important early
relationships would be repeated in the transference (Freud, 1914).] In early sessions, Tim
focused on situations in which he seemed to transfer feelings and behaviors that he first had
experienced with his mother and the cult leaders to his wife. As I have noted previously, the
marital relationship, in all circumstances, provides a place in which the internal conflicts of
each partner can be externalized and expressed to the partner in one‘s interactions
(Goldberg, 2003). Initially, Tim‘s wife had been seen as a lifeline, a rescuer, who had given
him the opportunity to begin his life outside the cult. Later, she often was seen as the
powerful, punishing parent—an overbearing woman with ceaseless demands for perfection.
Spouses, and also therapists who deal with those who have been raised in abusive
situations, typically are either experienced as punishing or protecting individuals. This is
part of the power that former cultists believe they have. For now, Tim has expressed that he
sees me as a kind friend. Also, when I help him better deal with his emotions, he might
experience me as protecting. However, it has been important for me to help Tim talk about
how he feels when I do not give him ―the answer.‖ Tim experiences me as punishing at
those times. As I further explore this issue with him, I continue to point out that only he has
―the answer‖ for him.
