Cultic Studies Review, Vol. 4, No. 2, 2005, Page 38
How is it possible to have respect and devotion for a cause when that
sentiment no longer exists? That‘s what happened in the temple room that
night when I inadvertently revealed the little Oz man, my ―spiritual master,‖
behind the grand façade. Ever since then, I simply went through the motions
of being Krishna‘s devotee‖ (p. 179).
His feelings toward his guru change from awe and reverence to wishing he could ―kick this
little man squarely in the ass‖ (p. 181).
As an expression of his discontent, he starts to skim money off his collections. He saves up
about $800 to buy a ticket to Hawaii, where he imagines temple life will be easier. However,
he turns the money over to his guru and confesses instead. He asks to trade in his job
collecting money for a job in the kitchen, which makes him happy for a time. Still, he finds
his enthusiasm slipping. He stops waking up early and takes hot showers instead of the
required cold showers. Breaking ISKCON‘s rules of austerity, he starts to enjoy things like
sunsets, fireworks displays, and looking at women. He even ducks into a peep show cinema
one afternoon.
Another theme of the book is his relationship with his parents, which he portrays with
touching and realistic emotion. Like Gabriel, and me, many full time ISKCON members
stayed in contact with their parents. Often, it‘s the only connection that ISKCON cannot
completely stamp out, and often it is an individual‘s lifeline to eventually leave the
organization. It was true for me as it was for Gabriel. His parents eventually lure him out
and have him deprogrammed. Meanwhile, a tension builds throughout the book with the
reader asking when Gabriel is going to come to his senses and stop hurting his parents by
remaining in the group. Even by the end of the story, he has not completely resolved the
conflict with his father.
One of the last scenes is a Passover Seder with his father and his father‘s side of the family.
Gabriel still thinks he‘s a member of ISKCON and therefore refuses to eat most of the ritual
meal, even the matzah, because ―the karma of the non-devotee was baked into it‖ (p. 198).
Despite his fanaticism, his father and other relatives remain tolerant. Perhaps it‘s because
they know that the deprogramming will take place the following day.
The father makes a small joke about Gabriel‘s ISKCON clothing and Gabriel comments, ―He
had a way of ridiculing whatever I held sacred‖ (p. 198). The tension is never resolved, but
the reader hopes that Gabriel will someday come to terms with his own part in the conflict
and use the lessons he learned in his odyssey to make peace with his father.
Another interesting note at the end of the book is his portrayal of the competition between
ex-ISKCON members to see who is more detached from the organization. Some ex-
members leave the confines of temple life, but remain infatuated with the Hindu philosophy,
the practices of ISKCON, and the guru Srila Prabhupada. Others renounce everything about
the experience and convert to another religion, or go into the field of counseling cult
members who might leave. Most find a comfortable place somewhere in between.
In the epilogue, Gabriel describes meeting a woman he remembered from his days in the
organization. Both had been deprogrammed and they exchange stories about their
experiences. She says, ―It was a shock, but I was happy to get out.‖ He says, ―I think if
Hare Krishna was a mainstream religion, and not a rigid cult, it would be okay.‖ She says,
―Personally, I want nothing to do with it.‖ He says she looked at him ―as though I should be
back in deprogramming‖ (p. 216).
The exchange hints at the fact that deprogramming does not solve all of life‘s problems.
There will still be plenty to learn and plenty of cult programming to undo as the years go on.
Brainwashing and cult membership leave a scar that the ex-member must learn to
How is it possible to have respect and devotion for a cause when that
sentiment no longer exists? That‘s what happened in the temple room that
night when I inadvertently revealed the little Oz man, my ―spiritual master,‖
behind the grand façade. Ever since then, I simply went through the motions
of being Krishna‘s devotee‖ (p. 179).
His feelings toward his guru change from awe and reverence to wishing he could ―kick this
little man squarely in the ass‖ (p. 181).
As an expression of his discontent, he starts to skim money off his collections. He saves up
about $800 to buy a ticket to Hawaii, where he imagines temple life will be easier. However,
he turns the money over to his guru and confesses instead. He asks to trade in his job
collecting money for a job in the kitchen, which makes him happy for a time. Still, he finds
his enthusiasm slipping. He stops waking up early and takes hot showers instead of the
required cold showers. Breaking ISKCON‘s rules of austerity, he starts to enjoy things like
sunsets, fireworks displays, and looking at women. He even ducks into a peep show cinema
one afternoon.
Another theme of the book is his relationship with his parents, which he portrays with
touching and realistic emotion. Like Gabriel, and me, many full time ISKCON members
stayed in contact with their parents. Often, it‘s the only connection that ISKCON cannot
completely stamp out, and often it is an individual‘s lifeline to eventually leave the
organization. It was true for me as it was for Gabriel. His parents eventually lure him out
and have him deprogrammed. Meanwhile, a tension builds throughout the book with the
reader asking when Gabriel is going to come to his senses and stop hurting his parents by
remaining in the group. Even by the end of the story, he has not completely resolved the
conflict with his father.
One of the last scenes is a Passover Seder with his father and his father‘s side of the family.
Gabriel still thinks he‘s a member of ISKCON and therefore refuses to eat most of the ritual
meal, even the matzah, because ―the karma of the non-devotee was baked into it‖ (p. 198).
Despite his fanaticism, his father and other relatives remain tolerant. Perhaps it‘s because
they know that the deprogramming will take place the following day.
The father makes a small joke about Gabriel‘s ISKCON clothing and Gabriel comments, ―He
had a way of ridiculing whatever I held sacred‖ (p. 198). The tension is never resolved, but
the reader hopes that Gabriel will someday come to terms with his own part in the conflict
and use the lessons he learned in his odyssey to make peace with his father.
Another interesting note at the end of the book is his portrayal of the competition between
ex-ISKCON members to see who is more detached from the organization. Some ex-
members leave the confines of temple life, but remain infatuated with the Hindu philosophy,
the practices of ISKCON, and the guru Srila Prabhupada. Others renounce everything about
the experience and convert to another religion, or go into the field of counseling cult
members who might leave. Most find a comfortable place somewhere in between.
In the epilogue, Gabriel describes meeting a woman he remembered from his days in the
organization. Both had been deprogrammed and they exchange stories about their
experiences. She says, ―It was a shock, but I was happy to get out.‖ He says, ―I think if
Hare Krishna was a mainstream religion, and not a rigid cult, it would be okay.‖ She says,
―Personally, I want nothing to do with it.‖ He says she looked at him ―as though I should be
back in deprogramming‖ (p. 216).
The exchange hints at the fact that deprogramming does not solve all of life‘s problems.
There will still be plenty to learn and plenty of cult programming to undo as the years go on.
Brainwashing and cult membership leave a scar that the ex-member must learn to
