56 International Journal of Cultic Studies ■ Vol. 5, 2014
experience up to that point was quite the
opposite of my cult experience. Living a life
focused on idolization, as I had done for so
many years as a guru worshipper, I had forgotten
what it was like to experience myself as being
worthy of kindness, encouragement, and
empathy. Gurumayi’s modus operandi had been
to follow up any expression of praise or
approval with brutally intense disparagement
and rejection so those of us who dealt directly
with her came to anticipate that the more
kindness she offered, the more brutal it would be
when the other shoe dropped. In therapy, having
my analyst be consistently empathetic with me
and not suddenly switch to hostile attacks, and
having my point of view and my subjectivity be
respected and affirmed were experiences I had
almost forgotten were possible. It was also a
great relief to experience that disruptions could
be repaired, not through one of us submitting
completely to the other, but through negotiation
and mutual accountability. These experiences,
plus my reading of psychoanalytic literature on
my own all through social-work school,
convinced me that there was potential in
psychoanalytic work for deep understanding,
healing, and growth. These were the same goals
that I, and so many others like me, thought
would arise out of my dedication to SYDA Yoga
and its leader. When it became clear that no
such thing was possible there—and that
idolization and self-negation, not self-
realization, were the only real possibilities in
that relationship—I was ready to start over.
Better late than never.
References
Becker, E. (1973). The denial of death. New York, NY: The Free
Press.
Ghent, E. (1990). Masochism, submission, surrender—Masochism
as a perversion of surrender. Contemporary Psychoanalysis, 26,
108–136.
Gilbert, E. (2006). Eat, pray, love. New York, NY: Viking.
Harris, L. (1994, Nov. 14). O guru guru guru. The New Yorker,
(7)37, p. 92.
Herman, J. (1992). Trauma and recovery. New York, NY: Basic
Books.
Psychoanalysis Is an Esoteric Cult Requiring Both Conversion and
Years of Study.”
About the Author
Daniel Shaw, LCSW, is a psychoanalyst in
private practice in New York City and Nyack,
New York Faculty and Clinical Supervisor, The
National Institute for the Psychotherapies (NIP),
New York, New York and former cochair,
Continuing Education Committee, The
International Association for Relational
Psychoanalysis and Psychotherapy. Shaw spent
13 years as a staff member in Siddha Yoga
(SYDA Foundation). There he wore many hats,
including manager of the residential Manhattan
facility, educator, spokesperson, public-relations
coordinator, community organizer, and
writer/director of public programs. Shaw exited
Siddha Yoga in 1994, published an Open Letter
about Siddha Yoga on the Internet in 1995, and
helped create the Leaving Siddha Yoga website,
one of the first Internet websites for former cult
members. Shaw is the author of “Traumatic
Abuse in Cults: A Psychoanalytic Perspective,”
published in the Cultic Studies Journal, and of
numerous psychoanalytic papers. Mr. Shaw
leads the monthly New York-area ICSA group
with Chris Carlson. This group offers support,
education, and interaction for all those who have
been harmed by, or want to learn about high-
demand groups.
experience up to that point was quite the
opposite of my cult experience. Living a life
focused on idolization, as I had done for so
many years as a guru worshipper, I had forgotten
what it was like to experience myself as being
worthy of kindness, encouragement, and
empathy. Gurumayi’s modus operandi had been
to follow up any expression of praise or
approval with brutally intense disparagement
and rejection so those of us who dealt directly
with her came to anticipate that the more
kindness she offered, the more brutal it would be
when the other shoe dropped. In therapy, having
my analyst be consistently empathetic with me
and not suddenly switch to hostile attacks, and
having my point of view and my subjectivity be
respected and affirmed were experiences I had
almost forgotten were possible. It was also a
great relief to experience that disruptions could
be repaired, not through one of us submitting
completely to the other, but through negotiation
and mutual accountability. These experiences,
plus my reading of psychoanalytic literature on
my own all through social-work school,
convinced me that there was potential in
psychoanalytic work for deep understanding,
healing, and growth. These were the same goals
that I, and so many others like me, thought
would arise out of my dedication to SYDA Yoga
and its leader. When it became clear that no
such thing was possible there—and that
idolization and self-negation, not self-
realization, were the only real possibilities in
that relationship—I was ready to start over.
Better late than never.
References
Becker, E. (1973). The denial of death. New York, NY: The Free
Press.
Ghent, E. (1990). Masochism, submission, surrender—Masochism
as a perversion of surrender. Contemporary Psychoanalysis, 26,
108–136.
Gilbert, E. (2006). Eat, pray, love. New York, NY: Viking.
Harris, L. (1994, Nov. 14). O guru guru guru. The New Yorker,
(7)37, p. 92.
Herman, J. (1992). Trauma and recovery. New York, NY: Basic
Books.
Psychoanalysis Is an Esoteric Cult Requiring Both Conversion and
Years of Study.”
About the Author
Daniel Shaw, LCSW, is a psychoanalyst in
private practice in New York City and Nyack,
New York Faculty and Clinical Supervisor, The
National Institute for the Psychotherapies (NIP),
New York, New York and former cochair,
Continuing Education Committee, The
International Association for Relational
Psychoanalysis and Psychotherapy. Shaw spent
13 years as a staff member in Siddha Yoga
(SYDA Foundation). There he wore many hats,
including manager of the residential Manhattan
facility, educator, spokesperson, public-relations
coordinator, community organizer, and
writer/director of public programs. Shaw exited
Siddha Yoga in 1994, published an Open Letter
about Siddha Yoga on the Internet in 1995, and
helped create the Leaving Siddha Yoga website,
one of the first Internet websites for former cult
members. Shaw is the author of “Traumatic
Abuse in Cults: A Psychoanalytic Perspective,”
published in the Cultic Studies Journal, and of
numerous psychoanalytic papers. Mr. Shaw
leads the monthly New York-area ICSA group
with Chris Carlson. This group offers support,
education, and interaction for all those who have
been harmed by, or want to learn about high-
demand groups.
