world hunger—are not met because the group’s
energies and resources are constantly directed
toward the actual goal of the group, which is the
aggrandizement of the leader. The leader’s goal
is self-aggrandizement, which he achieves
through the seduction, and subsequent
subjugation and exploitation, of his followers.
This is precisely the same goal as that of the
person I call the traumatizing narcissist.
Who Is the Traumatizing Narcissist?
So who is this traumatizing narcissist?
Sometimes it’s a cult leader, sometimes a parent,
a boss, a sibling, a teacher, a therapist. For a
long time, psychoanalytic writers have used the
term pathological narcissist to cover a wide
range of behavior and character traits. A thin-
skinned, shame-prone, or deflated pathological
narcissist is someone with fragile self-esteem,
easily wounded or insulted in therapy, such
individuals feel attacked and humiliated by
expressions of the analyst’s separate
subjectivity they may masochistically seek
approval and recognition from idealized,
grandiose others.
There is also the overinflated (Bach, 1985),
grandiose, overt, or thick-skinned (Rosenfeld)
narcissist. Cunning manipulators of others,
grandiose, envious, aggressive, exploiting, and
controlling, these narcissists are users who can
be charismatic, seductive, and intensely
attentive. Yet they ultimately prove to be
concerned only with their own needs, feelings,
and desires. If their significant others (spouses,
siblings, children) attempt to assert their needs,
this sort of narcissist is skilled at making such
efforts out to be shameful, hurtful, and selfish.
In the psychoanalytic view, these two types are
complementary—behind the deflated narcissist’s
self-doubt and over-idealization is hidden
grandiosity—he enjoys grandiosity by proxy, or
longs to do so and behind the overinflated
narcissist’s entitled grandiosity is deep
insecurity and the urgent need to ward off
destabilization, and often psychosis, by
manipulating and controlling others who will
idealize him.
Psychoanalysts call both these types
pathological narcissists, while the general
public tends to think of only the latter, the
overinflated type, as the narcissist. So why do I
try to define yet another category of narcissist?
Because, in my view, what is pathological about
narcissism is not simply that it is a character
pathology, or even a neurological pathology,
that makes certain people’s behavior obnoxious,
self-centered, and so on. What is pathological
about narcissism is how certain people
traumatically subjugate others—their spouses,
children, siblings, or followers. By subjugating
the other, the narcissist inflates and verifies his
delusional grandiosity and omnipotence. To
elevate oneself by subjugating another is the
essence of what I mean by traumatizing
narcissism. The chief means of subjugation is
objectification—using the other as one’s object
to possess, suppressing the subjectivity of the
other, exploiting the other. The narcissist
establishes and polices the hegemony of his own
subjectivity, such that those who wish to stay
with him must relinquish their own subjectivity
and become the object the narcissist commands
and controls.
I’m going to try now to succinctly describe the
traumatizing narcissist—how he has become this
person, and how he behaves relationally. I am
not speaking only of cult leaders here. I am
speaking developmentally, of how traumatizing
narcissism is instilled from generation to
generation. I also want to emphasize that the
traumatizing narcissist is delusional as far as he
is concerned, his motives are always pure.
When I speak here of what the traumatizing
narcissist is doing, keep in mind that it is being
done unconsciously.
Intergenerational Trauma
First, the traumatizing narcissist has typically
been exposed to cumulative relational trauma
throughout the developmental years, in the form
of chronic shaming at the hands of parents or
other significant care givers who are severely
narcissistically disturbed. The traumatizing
narcissist parent envies and resents the child’s
right to dependency and demands, covertly or
overtly, that the child recognize the exclusive
validity of the parent’s needs and wishes. This
means, of course, that the child is to be ashamed
of her own needs and desires and view them as
International Journal of Cultic Studies ■ Vol. 5, 2014 5
energies and resources are constantly directed
toward the actual goal of the group, which is the
aggrandizement of the leader. The leader’s goal
is self-aggrandizement, which he achieves
through the seduction, and subsequent
subjugation and exploitation, of his followers.
This is precisely the same goal as that of the
person I call the traumatizing narcissist.
Who Is the Traumatizing Narcissist?
So who is this traumatizing narcissist?
Sometimes it’s a cult leader, sometimes a parent,
a boss, a sibling, a teacher, a therapist. For a
long time, psychoanalytic writers have used the
term pathological narcissist to cover a wide
range of behavior and character traits. A thin-
skinned, shame-prone, or deflated pathological
narcissist is someone with fragile self-esteem,
easily wounded or insulted in therapy, such
individuals feel attacked and humiliated by
expressions of the analyst’s separate
subjectivity they may masochistically seek
approval and recognition from idealized,
grandiose others.
There is also the overinflated (Bach, 1985),
grandiose, overt, or thick-skinned (Rosenfeld)
narcissist. Cunning manipulators of others,
grandiose, envious, aggressive, exploiting, and
controlling, these narcissists are users who can
be charismatic, seductive, and intensely
attentive. Yet they ultimately prove to be
concerned only with their own needs, feelings,
and desires. If their significant others (spouses,
siblings, children) attempt to assert their needs,
this sort of narcissist is skilled at making such
efforts out to be shameful, hurtful, and selfish.
In the psychoanalytic view, these two types are
complementary—behind the deflated narcissist’s
self-doubt and over-idealization is hidden
grandiosity—he enjoys grandiosity by proxy, or
longs to do so and behind the overinflated
narcissist’s entitled grandiosity is deep
insecurity and the urgent need to ward off
destabilization, and often psychosis, by
manipulating and controlling others who will
idealize him.
Psychoanalysts call both these types
pathological narcissists, while the general
public tends to think of only the latter, the
overinflated type, as the narcissist. So why do I
try to define yet another category of narcissist?
Because, in my view, what is pathological about
narcissism is not simply that it is a character
pathology, or even a neurological pathology,
that makes certain people’s behavior obnoxious,
self-centered, and so on. What is pathological
about narcissism is how certain people
traumatically subjugate others—their spouses,
children, siblings, or followers. By subjugating
the other, the narcissist inflates and verifies his
delusional grandiosity and omnipotence. To
elevate oneself by subjugating another is the
essence of what I mean by traumatizing
narcissism. The chief means of subjugation is
objectification—using the other as one’s object
to possess, suppressing the subjectivity of the
other, exploiting the other. The narcissist
establishes and polices the hegemony of his own
subjectivity, such that those who wish to stay
with him must relinquish their own subjectivity
and become the object the narcissist commands
and controls.
I’m going to try now to succinctly describe the
traumatizing narcissist—how he has become this
person, and how he behaves relationally. I am
not speaking only of cult leaders here. I am
speaking developmentally, of how traumatizing
narcissism is instilled from generation to
generation. I also want to emphasize that the
traumatizing narcissist is delusional as far as he
is concerned, his motives are always pure.
When I speak here of what the traumatizing
narcissist is doing, keep in mind that it is being
done unconsciously.
Intergenerational Trauma
First, the traumatizing narcissist has typically
been exposed to cumulative relational trauma
throughout the developmental years, in the form
of chronic shaming at the hands of parents or
other significant care givers who are severely
narcissistically disturbed. The traumatizing
narcissist parent envies and resents the child’s
right to dependency and demands, covertly or
overtly, that the child recognize the exclusive
validity of the parent’s needs and wishes. This
means, of course, that the child is to be ashamed
of her own needs and desires and view them as
International Journal of Cultic Studies ■ Vol. 5, 2014 5
