50 International Journal of Cultic Studies ■ Vol. 5, 2014
With one of my closest friends, I moved out of
my group apartment we announced one day that
we were leaving, and we brought packing boxes
home and started to pack our belongings. Our
roommates immediately reported this to the
leadership, who told them to have us leave the
apartment immediately. We refused to do this
because we wanted to pack our things first, and
we had a mover coming the next morning. Our
roommates hid from us in their rooms while we
packed when it was time for us to leave, some
of them were honestly sorry to see us go, while
others accused us of being “whores for Matt”.
The departure was violent and abrupt my entire
lifestyle changed that morning, and I couldn’t
speak with my former roommates because I was
considered persona non grata.
Impact of the Therapy
Clearly, the development of my personality and
the course of my life were significantly impacted
by these experiences, which took place over
approximately fifteen years of my early
adolescence and young adulthood. I was 31
when I finally left the community. A few years
later I married MC, and 5 years after that we
adopted a baby. In discussing the impact of the
therapy on me, it is helpful to break it down into
the positive and negative impacts. I am using
these words in two senses: positive to mean what
the therapy focused on specifically in my life,
and also to mean how it actively influenced me.
I am using the word negative to mean both the
harm that was done to me, and also the needs
and problems I had that were not addressed.
The development of my sexuality and my sense
of myself as a sexual being was deeply affected
by my experiences with Ralph Klein. His
voyeuristic comments and attitude impacted me
in the sense that I believe I acted in ways that I
wouldn’t have otherwise. My early
experimentation with sexual activity may or may
not have taken place without his input, but I
don’t think that my objectification of myself
would have been the same. I was taught to
distance my sexual feelings from my other
emotions. Thankfully, I wasn’t always able to
achieve this separation but at certain points in
my life I did have sexual encounters that were
fairly impersonal. In the Sullivan Institute
community, for anyone to become deeply
emotionally involved with one person was
considered dangerous.
My sense of myself as a competent, intelligent
person was both enhanced and assaulted at
various points by my therapists and by the
leadership of the community. I was supported in
my academic aspirations, but at a certain point
the demands of the group made it impossible for
me to achieve my goals. Additionally, one of
the most basic things about my sense of self-
worth as a woman—my ability to raise a child—
was questioned.
Simply having a great many social experiences
in the context of the community helped my
shyness and social anxiety. However, the deeper
issues of my difficulties with friendship and
commitment were never addressed. While I was
a member of the group, I was able to develop
close relationships with women and a few men.
I don’t remember being helped to deepen these
relationships.
Because my relationships with my father and
mother were stopped during the period that I
was in the group, I didn’t have the opportunity
to develop adult relationships with them. I
didn’t learn that I could separate from them,
hold different opinions from them, and still love
them. I was lucky to be able to resume these
relationships after I left the group, but not
without a lot of pain and loss. I reconnected
with my father several months after I left the
community, just before my brother died
violently in Israel in what was called a suicide.
My mother remained in the group until its
dissolution in 1992, and even at that time we did
not reconnect or try to have a relationship. Prior
to the breakup of the community, she had been
actively involved in supporting the group’s
position in the Pappo-Hoy case in 1986.4 I was
involved in litigation against the group then.5
4 The Pappo-Hoy case was a custody case in which the mother of a
10-month-old child fled the group because the child was removed
from her by directive of the leadership and with the help of the
father of the child. The mother won custody of the child, and
shortly thereafter the father left the group and joined her.
5 I was indirectly involved in the Pappo-Hoy case and was actively
involved in a civil case in which some former residents of a
cooperatively owned building were suing to recoup our
investments after we moved out. We won that case and received
our initial investments back others (who did not sue) did not.
With one of my closest friends, I moved out of
my group apartment we announced one day that
we were leaving, and we brought packing boxes
home and started to pack our belongings. Our
roommates immediately reported this to the
leadership, who told them to have us leave the
apartment immediately. We refused to do this
because we wanted to pack our things first, and
we had a mover coming the next morning. Our
roommates hid from us in their rooms while we
packed when it was time for us to leave, some
of them were honestly sorry to see us go, while
others accused us of being “whores for Matt”.
The departure was violent and abrupt my entire
lifestyle changed that morning, and I couldn’t
speak with my former roommates because I was
considered persona non grata.
Impact of the Therapy
Clearly, the development of my personality and
the course of my life were significantly impacted
by these experiences, which took place over
approximately fifteen years of my early
adolescence and young adulthood. I was 31
when I finally left the community. A few years
later I married MC, and 5 years after that we
adopted a baby. In discussing the impact of the
therapy on me, it is helpful to break it down into
the positive and negative impacts. I am using
these words in two senses: positive to mean what
the therapy focused on specifically in my life,
and also to mean how it actively influenced me.
I am using the word negative to mean both the
harm that was done to me, and also the needs
and problems I had that were not addressed.
The development of my sexuality and my sense
of myself as a sexual being was deeply affected
by my experiences with Ralph Klein. His
voyeuristic comments and attitude impacted me
in the sense that I believe I acted in ways that I
wouldn’t have otherwise. My early
experimentation with sexual activity may or may
not have taken place without his input, but I
don’t think that my objectification of myself
would have been the same. I was taught to
distance my sexual feelings from my other
emotions. Thankfully, I wasn’t always able to
achieve this separation but at certain points in
my life I did have sexual encounters that were
fairly impersonal. In the Sullivan Institute
community, for anyone to become deeply
emotionally involved with one person was
considered dangerous.
My sense of myself as a competent, intelligent
person was both enhanced and assaulted at
various points by my therapists and by the
leadership of the community. I was supported in
my academic aspirations, but at a certain point
the demands of the group made it impossible for
me to achieve my goals. Additionally, one of
the most basic things about my sense of self-
worth as a woman—my ability to raise a child—
was questioned.
Simply having a great many social experiences
in the context of the community helped my
shyness and social anxiety. However, the deeper
issues of my difficulties with friendship and
commitment were never addressed. While I was
a member of the group, I was able to develop
close relationships with women and a few men.
I don’t remember being helped to deepen these
relationships.
Because my relationships with my father and
mother were stopped during the period that I
was in the group, I didn’t have the opportunity
to develop adult relationships with them. I
didn’t learn that I could separate from them,
hold different opinions from them, and still love
them. I was lucky to be able to resume these
relationships after I left the group, but not
without a lot of pain and loss. I reconnected
with my father several months after I left the
community, just before my brother died
violently in Israel in what was called a suicide.
My mother remained in the group until its
dissolution in 1992, and even at that time we did
not reconnect or try to have a relationship. Prior
to the breakup of the community, she had been
actively involved in supporting the group’s
position in the Pappo-Hoy case in 1986.4 I was
involved in litigation against the group then.5
4 The Pappo-Hoy case was a custody case in which the mother of a
10-month-old child fled the group because the child was removed
from her by directive of the leadership and with the help of the
father of the child. The mother won custody of the child, and
shortly thereafter the father left the group and joined her.
5 I was indirectly involved in the Pappo-Hoy case and was actively
involved in a civil case in which some former residents of a
cooperatively owned building were suing to recoup our
investments after we moved out. We won that case and received
our initial investments back others (who did not sue) did not.
