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Vickie Howard, Amina Adan, Charles Attwood |Escaping the Narcissist’s Worldview
Where Post-Cult Member and Narcissistic Abuse
Victim-Survivor Experiences Differ
Although we have identified many similarities
in mechanisms/processes between cult member
experiences and narcissistic abuse victim-survivors
(including recovery trajectories), considering
differences is important. We would like to highlight
possible differences involving family and friend
dynamics. As within a destructive cult scenario, family
members and friends looking into a relationship as
observers may have concerns and notice harmful
behaviors of a partner displaying narcissistic traits.
As in a cult member scenario, the family member or
friend may try to discuss or warn their loved one about
their concerns, but the victim-survivor may completely
reject these warnings. At the same time, the narcissistic
partner may use this opportunity to gain even further
control over the victim-survivor, using the opportunity
to further isolate them from the people who care about
them and their welfare.
Alternatively, research around dynamics involving
family members and friends and narcissistic abuse
reports another possibility. While the victim is
amidst the abuse and recognizes what is happening
to them, they report their experiences to their family
members or friends, only to have these confidants
reject the victim’s interpretations (Howard &Adan,
2022). The reason for the rejection may involve strong
beliefs in the perpetrator’s kindness, generosity, and
trustworthiness, instilled through flattery, deception,
and manipulation. Rejection of the victim’s experiences
and interpretations leaves the victim further ostracized
and their accounts disbelieved.
Narcissists are skilled at presenting a carefully crafted
image to the outside world, which conceals their abusive
behavior. This duality—publicly appearing as charming
and competent while privately being manipulative and
abusive—creates significant challenges for victim-
survivors seeking help. The abuser’s public persona
often contradicts the private reality, making the victim-
survivor’s accounts of abuse difficult to believe.
A significant difference exists between popular views
of cult and post-cult survivors versus the general
understanding of narcissistic abusers and their
victim-survivors. Currently, the dynamics of cult
indoctrination are much better known, not only from
research sources but also from media (including
popular texts, documentaries, dramas, and films).
People have an empathic understanding of what
victim-survivors of cults may have experienced and
still endure. In comparison, narcissistic abuse within
the wider society is poorly recognized and understood,
so victim-survivors’ experiences do not share the same
societal resonance and elicit empathetic response.
Profiles of narcissistic abuse victim-survivors show
that they often have a unique personality trait. Lucas,
South, Brown, &Young (2023) identified personality
traits of women who had been in relationships
with men presenting with narcissistic personality
disorder, borderline personality disorder, or antisocial
personality disorder, explaining how abusive men can
use their partners’ altruistic qualities against them
(Brown &Young, 2018). In a sample of 601 female
survivors, the researchers found that these women
had an elevated personality trait of agreeableness (a
characteristic taken from the Five Factor Personality
Model). This trait incorporated facets of trust,
straightforwardness, a giving nature, co-operation,
humbleness, and empathy. During this study, the
researchers added two further facets of loyalty and
tolerance. The agreeableness trait may be especially
attractive to narcissists, and if women learn of this
finding, then they may be able to employ a reflexive
safeguarding strategy against becoming entangled in
future manipulative and harmful relationships.
Discussion
Indications for personal growth through therapeutic
intervention
In line with the phases of healing for narcissistic
abuse recovery as presented in Table 2, the helping
professional may want to discuss and introduce specific
therapeutic approaches to the individual recovering
from narcissistic abuse. One of these approaches
may involve supporting the individual in exploring
factors associated with their current distress by piecing
together a range of past and current factors that may
have influenced their understanding of their previous
narcissistic involvement. Different models can assist
one in understanding their previous life experiences,
and one of the most useful is the 5Ps model (Dudley

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&Kuyken, 2014). The 5Ps model of psychological
formulation consists of precipitating, perpetuating,
predisposing, and protective factors to understand
their current problems(s). For the narcissistic victim-
survivor, a 5Ps formulation may include the following
factors: presenting issues (having lost one’s sense of self,
contributing to a lack of confidence and a discontinuity
with one’s past) precipitating factors (that contributed
to their involvement in an intimate relationship with
a harmful narcissist) perpetuating factors (involving
loss of friendships and social networks, combined with
difficulties [re]building them) predisposing factors
(involving traits that narcissists are likely to exploit) and
protective factors (such as job satisfaction, a close friend,
or a supportive family). The 5Ps model framework,
therefore, can help build an assessment framework for
current circumstances of the victim-survivor whilst
exploring prior deceptions in conjunction with healing
processes after cult indoctrination (see Tables 1 and
2). The following provides a concise summaries of key
deceptive behaviors adapted from Howard (2019) that
involve personal recovery considerations.
Love Bombing
This behavior is an attempt to emotionally manipulate
someone and gain their undivided attention.
Techniques include lavishing someone with gifts
bombarding them with excessive text messages, phone
calls, or emails giving compliments repeatedly
wanting commitment very early in the relationship
and insisting the other person is their soul mate, again,
very early in the relationship.
It may be especially pertinent for the victim-survivor
to reflect and consider if the narcissistic individual
used this technique towards them. Exploring this
manipulative technique is important to enable the
victim-survivor to safeguard against further or future
victimization, realizing that narcissists frequently use
it to entrap victims.
Gaslighting
Gaslighting involves the deliberate distortion of
information to make the victim question their reality
and sanity (Stark, 2019). This tactic weakens the
victim’s confidence and makes them more dependent
on the abuser for their sense of reality. Examples may
include the abuser distorting a victim’s information or
memories, thus making them feel they cannot rely on
their own recollections and judgments. These feelings
can lead to both a loss of self-esteem and confidence and
a loss of sense of self, thereby creating a dependency on
the abuser and greater control over the victim-survivor.
A psychologist, therapist, or other health and social
care professional may wish to explore the client’s
beliefs about themselves and where these have derived
from. Have these beliefs been influenced by gaslighting
behavior toward them? If so, then disentangling
one’s true beliefs about oneself from those created by
gaslighting will assist a victim-survivor in regaining
their sense of self, self-esteem, and self-confidence.
Pathological Dishonesty
Frequently observed in narcissists, pathological lying
can involve habitual or compulsive lying, sometimes
without clear purpose or benefit (Dike, Baranoski, &
Griffith, 2005). This form of lying serves to enhance
the narcissist’s self-image, manipulate their partner,
and deflect blame. Partners of narcissistic individuals
often find themselves entangled in a web of lies, which
erodes their ability to trust their own judgment and
further isolates them from potential support networks.
Some victim-survivors may be carrying shame,
frustration, or anger connected to having been
repeatedly lied to. They may be angry towards the
narcissistic abuser when they come to realize the extent
of dishonesty used against them. They also may feel
degrees of shame and guilt about not having recognized
this dishonesty, or how they pushed warning signs and
evidence to the back of their minds (albeit for self-
preservation and relationship-maintaining reasons).
Presentation of a False Self
A highly narcissistic individual can create a false self to
form the trusting bonds required from their partner.
After recognizing the narcissistic individual’s true self,
victim-survivors have referred to this realization as the
mask being removed or the mask slipping.
Realizing a trusted person or intimate partner is not the
person you thought they were is often an overwhelming
psychological trauma. A previously kind and