International Journal of Coercion, Abuse, and Manipulation Volume 9, Issue 2 2026 4
continuum. In intimate partner relationships, narcissists
often engage in long-term deception, meticulously but
gradually integrating themselves into the victim’s life
to extract emotional and psychological resources, all
the while avoiding detection (Jones &de Roos, 2016).
MDT’s four components—community integration,
complexity of deception, resource extraction, and
detectability—highlight the multifaceted nature of
deceptive practices. Community integration is crucial
in this context. Narcissists adeptly embed themselves
within the victim’s social environment, gaining the
trust of friends and family. This social integration
reduces suspicion and isolates the victim, making it
harder for them to seek support or recognize the abuse.
The narcissist’s charm and seemingly affable demeanor
in public starkly contrast with their manipulative
behavior in private, creating a complex web of deception
that entraps the victim. Complexity of deception stresses
the sophisticated and layered nature of the narcissist’s
lies. They construct intricate falsehoods, often building
on each lie to create a convincing alternate reality for
their partner. Constructing intricate falsehoods can
involve rewriting personal histories, fabricating events,
and systematically gaslighting the victim to make
them doubt their own perceptions and memories. The
sophistication of these lies makes it challenging for the
victim to disentangle the truth from deception, further
deepening their entrapment.
Resource extraction in intimate partner abuse refers
to the narcissist’s sustained siphoning of the victim’s
emotional, psychological, and sometimes financial
resources. This gradual extraction is designed to be
minimally detectable, ensuring that the narcissist
can continue to exploit the victim over a long period
without arousing suspicion. The victim’s resources are
drained slowly, leaving them increasingly dependent on
the abuser for validation and support. Detectability is
minimized through the narcissist’s skillful manipulation
of situations to their advantage. They divert blame onto
the victim or external circumstances, maintaining their
deceptive practices with minimal risk of exposure. The
narcissist’s ability to project their own faults onto the
victim and manipulate perceptions ensures that their
deceit remains hidden, further isolating the victim and
entrenching the abuse.
Interpersonal deception theory (IDT) offers insights
into the dynamic and adaptive nature of deception
in narcissistic abuse within intimate relationships.
Developed by Buller and Burgoon (1996), IDT posits
that deception is not a static act but a fluid, interactive
process where the deceiver continuously modifies their
strategies based on the target’s reactions. This theory is
particularly useful in making sense of how narcissists
exercise deception to maintain control and manipulate
their partners over time. Narcissists are exceptionally
skilled at reading their partners and adjusting their
deceptive tactics accordingly. This ability to adapt is
central to the narcissistic abuse dynamic, as it allows
the abuser to fine-tune their manipulation to maximize
control and minimize the risk of exposure. IDT
highlights that deception involves a series of iterative
exchanges where the deceiver responds to the feedback
and behavior of the deceived. In intimate relationships,
this means that the narcissist is constantly monitoring
their partner’s responses, emotions, and actions to
refine their lies and manipulations.
A critical aspect of IDT is the differentiation between
strategic and non-strategic behaviors. Strategic
behaviors are deliberate actions taken to manage
information and mislead the target, while non-strategic
behaviors are less controlled and may inadvertently
reveal deception. Narcissists use strategic behaviors to
craft believable lies and control the flow of information.
They may engage in elaborate storytelling, selectively
disclose information, or use flattery and affection to
distract from their deceit. Non-strategic behaviors,
such as micro-expressions of guilt or anxiety, are
often more difficult to control and can sometimes give
away the deception. However, narcissists are adept at
masking these signs, using their charm and confidence
to maintain the façade.
A crucial component of IDT is the feedback loop
between the deceiver and the deceived. In narcissistic
abuse, the narcissist carefully observes their partner’s
reactions to their lies and manipulations. If the partner
appears suspicious or begins to question the deception,
then the narcissist quickly adjusts their tactics. This
adjustment might involve doubling down on the lie,
offering partial truths to placate the partner, or shifting
blame to the partner to create confusion and self-doubt.
The continuous feedback loop allows the narcissist to
stay one step ahead, perpetuating the cycle of abuse.

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Vickie Howard, Amina Adan, Charles Attwood |Escaping the Narcissist’s Worldview
IDT also emphasizes the role of interactional synchrony,
which involves the coordinated, reciprocal exchange of
behaviors between individuals. Narcissists often mirror
their partner’s emotions and behaviors to build rapport
and gain trust. This mirroring can make the partner
feel understood and connected, further entrenching the
deceptive relationship. Over time, the narcissist fine-
tunes this synchrony to maintain control, ensuring that
their partner remains emotionally and psychologically
dependent.
Deception in narcissistic abuse is often characterized
by incremental escalation. Initially, the lies may
be small and seemingly inconsequential, but over
time, they grow in complexity and significance. This
gradual increase makes it harder for the victim to
detect the deception, as they become accustomed to
a reality shaped by the narcissist’s manipulations. The
incremental nature of deception also makes it more
challenging for the victim to extricate, as they may feel
complicit or too deeply enmeshed in the false narrative
to break free.
Pathological lying, which is a common behavior among
narcissists, involves habitual or compulsive deception
without clear purpose or benefit (Dike, Baranoski, &
Griffith, 2005). Narcissists use this form of lying to
manipulate their partners, inflate their self-image, and
deflect blame. By weaving a web of lies, they create a
distorted reality that makes it difficult for their partners
to trust their own judgment, thereby isolating them
further from support networks. This manipulation
through deception is a powerful tool that amplifies
cognitive dissonance (Festinger, 1957). Caught between
contradictory beliefs or values, victims experience
psychological discomfort as they struggle to reconcile
the narcissist’s falsehoods with their own perceptions
of reality. As the lies accumulate, the victim’s confusion
and self-doubt intensify, leaving them more vulnerable
to the narcissist’s control. Thus, pathological lying not
only deceives but also serves to heighten the cognitive
dissonance experienced by victims, deepening their
emotional entrapment.
A study we (Howard &Adan, 2022) conducted found
deception to be one of the most distressing consequences
of women’s narcissistic abuse experiences. Examining
women’s use of Internet memes and associated posts
relating to distress and support-seeking from narcissistic
abuse experiences, we found underlying processes of
deception featured prominently in the main themes
we identified. These themes included the narcissistic
individual using gaslighting as the dominant deceptive
technique to “inform” the victim that they do not
really feel what they are feeling or think what they are
thinking, and then to replace the victim’s feelings and
thoughts with what they should actually feel and think
(from the narcissist’s coercive insistence).
A powerful discourse we identified in the data around
the theme of hidden grief described the recognition of
the narcissist portraying a false self to the victim (i.e.,
another deceptive act), which had enabled a strong
victim bond to the narcissist that was not built on who
they really are, but rather a representation of a false self
that ingratiated themselves to the victim. Consequently,
the victim feels that once the narcissistic individual
had departed from their lives, they were left “mourning
the living dead” (Clough, 2019) as the person they
had loved was “not real.” Victim-survivors expressed
a realization that the narcissist had been determined
to remove the victims’ sense of self through actions of
betrayal, dishonesty, and complete disregard for their
experiences and well-being.
Recognizing behaviors from narcissistic individuals is
important for victim-survivors to make sense of their
abuse experiences (Marsden, Humphreys, &Hegarty,
2022). However, complex challenges exist regarding
intricate and insidious deception processes that victims
do not perceive and that their families and friends may
have facilitated. Campbell and Miller (2011) examined
specific deceptive strategies used by narcissists,
finding that they are adept at crafting believable lies
and manipulating others’ perceptions to maintain
their desired self-images and control. McMullan
(2021) highlighted that deception is common in
various forms of abuse, and its strategic and pervasive
nature in narcissistic abuse is particularly damaging.
The following section explicitly identifies deceptive
processes to build upon existing psychological theory
to identify parallels within cult deception techniques
and proposes their relevance when contemplating
counterpart deceptive mechanisms that occur in
narcissistic abuse.