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Vickie Howard, Amina Adan, Charles Attwood |Escaping the Narcissist’s Worldview
Starting with the Narcissistic Individual
The most prominent starting point within this
exploration is the abuser—the individual with severe
narcissistic traits. The concept of narcissism is a
complex phenomenon, and many descriptions, sub-
types, and differing theoretical outlooks identify
how a severely narcissistic individual behaves and
presents (Levy, 2012 Miller &Campbell, 2008 Pincus
&Lukowitsky, 2010). For an individual to gain a
diagnosis of narcissistic personality disorder, they need
to be assessed by a diagnostic clinician (psychiatrist
or psychologist). Professional assessment is rare,
however, often because severely narcissistic individuals
do not consider that they have a problem, and probably
individuals with severe narcissistic traits are living in
society without an attached diagnosis. Therefore, the
prevalence of narcissistic personality disorder is poorly
defined, and the features of the diagnosis lack clarity
(Caligor, Levy &Yeomans, 2015). Prevalence estimates
of narcissistic personality disorder in the general
population range between 0% and 5.3% (Ronningstam,
2009).
The DSM-5-TR identifies narcissistic personality
disorder as a long-term pattern of behaviors
incorporating grandiosity, a need for excessive
admiration, a sense of entitlement, lack of empathy,
interpersonal exploitation, and arrogance and
haughtiness (American Psychiatric Association, 2022).
The stated aspects of interpersonal exploitation and
lack of a respectful relational personality style pose the
question as to how the narcissistic person’s subsequent
abuse serves them. The narcissistic individual has
an insatiable appetite for bolstering their self-esteem
(Thomaes, Bushman, De Castro, &Stegge, 2009). If a
relationship is not doing this for them, or not doing this
enough for them, then they will use abusive behavior
to increase their feelings of self-worth, superiority,
and power (Howard, 2019). They will use whatever
techniques they possess to boost these feelings without
a thought for the individual they will be mistreating
in the process, as they have a distinct lack of empathy,
compassion, and regard for how others in their path may
suffer from their actions and behavior. Manipulation
and coercion become techniques to achieve their goal.
As a result, deception occurs toward the victim(s)
whom they are using to meet their own self-esteem
needs (Howard &Adan, 2022).
Deception may take the form of pathological dishonesty
and telling backstories, in which the narcissistic
individual amends details to make themselves appear
the victim (Howard, 2019). They may try to cover
up cheating behavior or assert they were pursued
relentlessly by the illicit partner and again portray
themselves as a victim of someone else’s wrongdoing.
Obviously, the use of deception by a narcissistic
individual is still a complex phenomenon, and a trauma-
informed outlook on narcissistic behaviors views it
as a protective response triggered by an individual’s
perceived threat to protection and survival (Johnstone
&Boyle, 2020). Personality science has focused upon
narcissism as a component of the dark triad, which
also includes psychopathy and Machiavellianism
(Paulhus &Williams, 2002). These are non-diagnostic
descriptions of personality traits that are classified by
scoring on criteria dimensions. Dark triad traits in
men are linked to mechanisms of seductive persuasion
for sexual access, and all three traits are involved
with repeated sexual advances or sexual harassment
(Koehn, Okan, &Jonason, 2019 Zeigler-Hill, Besser,
&Campbell, 2016). These individual differences lead
to a propensity for sexual offences by individuals with
these traits (Koehn, Okan, &Jonason, 2019).
Deception and Its Use in Narcissistic Abuse:
Applying Psychological Theories of Deception
Although emerging studies and academic papers have
identified the features and patterns of narcissistic abuse
and how pathological narcissism impacts on others in
an insidious way (Day, Townsend, &Grenyer, 2020
Howard, 2019), the question will often arise about
the difference between narcissistic abuse and other
forms of interpersonal abuse occurring within the
context of an intimate relationship, family relationship,
friendship, or working relationship. Deception is a
central mechanism in narcissistic abuse, serving as
a tool for manipulation and control within intimate
partner relationships. Theories of deception provide
a valuable framework to unravel how narcissistic
individuals employ behaviors to maintain their power
and own self-esteem in deeply personal and often
intense relationship dynamics.
Mimicry deception theory (MDT) suggests that
deception can occur along a short-term to long-term

International Journal of Coercion, Abuse, and Manipulation Volume 9, Issue 2 2026 4
continuum. In intimate partner relationships, narcissists
often engage in long-term deception, meticulously but
gradually integrating themselves into the victim’s life
to extract emotional and psychological resources, all
the while avoiding detection (Jones &de Roos, 2016).
MDT’s four components—community integration,
complexity of deception, resource extraction, and
detectability—highlight the multifaceted nature of
deceptive practices. Community integration is crucial
in this context. Narcissists adeptly embed themselves
within the victim’s social environment, gaining the
trust of friends and family. This social integration
reduces suspicion and isolates the victim, making it
harder for them to seek support or recognize the abuse.
The narcissist’s charm and seemingly affable demeanor
in public starkly contrast with their manipulative
behavior in private, creating a complex web of deception
that entraps the victim. Complexity of deception stresses
the sophisticated and layered nature of the narcissist’s
lies. They construct intricate falsehoods, often building
on each lie to create a convincing alternate reality for
their partner. Constructing intricate falsehoods can
involve rewriting personal histories, fabricating events,
and systematically gaslighting the victim to make
them doubt their own perceptions and memories. The
sophistication of these lies makes it challenging for the
victim to disentangle the truth from deception, further
deepening their entrapment.
Resource extraction in intimate partner abuse refers
to the narcissist’s sustained siphoning of the victim’s
emotional, psychological, and sometimes financial
resources. This gradual extraction is designed to be
minimally detectable, ensuring that the narcissist
can continue to exploit the victim over a long period
without arousing suspicion. The victim’s resources are
drained slowly, leaving them increasingly dependent on
the abuser for validation and support. Detectability is
minimized through the narcissist’s skillful manipulation
of situations to their advantage. They divert blame onto
the victim or external circumstances, maintaining their
deceptive practices with minimal risk of exposure. The
narcissist’s ability to project their own faults onto the
victim and manipulate perceptions ensures that their
deceit remains hidden, further isolating the victim and
entrenching the abuse.
Interpersonal deception theory (IDT) offers insights
into the dynamic and adaptive nature of deception
in narcissistic abuse within intimate relationships.
Developed by Buller and Burgoon (1996), IDT posits
that deception is not a static act but a fluid, interactive
process where the deceiver continuously modifies their
strategies based on the target’s reactions. This theory is
particularly useful in making sense of how narcissists
exercise deception to maintain control and manipulate
their partners over time. Narcissists are exceptionally
skilled at reading their partners and adjusting their
deceptive tactics accordingly. This ability to adapt is
central to the narcissistic abuse dynamic, as it allows
the abuser to fine-tune their manipulation to maximize
control and minimize the risk of exposure. IDT
highlights that deception involves a series of iterative
exchanges where the deceiver responds to the feedback
and behavior of the deceived. In intimate relationships,
this means that the narcissist is constantly monitoring
their partner’s responses, emotions, and actions to
refine their lies and manipulations.
A critical aspect of IDT is the differentiation between
strategic and non-strategic behaviors. Strategic
behaviors are deliberate actions taken to manage
information and mislead the target, while non-strategic
behaviors are less controlled and may inadvertently
reveal deception. Narcissists use strategic behaviors to
craft believable lies and control the flow of information.
They may engage in elaborate storytelling, selectively
disclose information, or use flattery and affection to
distract from their deceit. Non-strategic behaviors,
such as micro-expressions of guilt or anxiety, are
often more difficult to control and can sometimes give
away the deception. However, narcissists are adept at
masking these signs, using their charm and confidence
to maintain the façade.
A crucial component of IDT is the feedback loop
between the deceiver and the deceived. In narcissistic
abuse, the narcissist carefully observes their partner’s
reactions to their lies and manipulations. If the partner
appears suspicious or begins to question the deception,
then the narcissist quickly adjusts their tactics. This
adjustment might involve doubling down on the lie,
offering partial truths to placate the partner, or shifting
blame to the partner to create confusion and self-doubt.
The continuous feedback loop allows the narcissist to
stay one step ahead, perpetuating the cycle of abuse.