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Vickie Howard, Amina Adan, Charles Attwood |Escaping the Narcissist’s Worldview
Appendix B: Jonathon’s Story
I am near retirement age but I have been off sick from my job for around 12 months.
I was experiencing many difficulties coping with my wife’s inexplicable and abusive behavior for many years. I
was experiencing cognitive and memory issues, and sought professional help. After seeing an informed therapist
around 8 years ago who had knowledge both on narcissistic behaviors and narcissistic abuse, I realized what I had
been through as they outlined this and talked me through it. I cannot over-emphasize the relief I had in finally
having a framework to help me understand my experiences. But having fallen ill and been unable to manage my
senior role I am now going through an HR process, which--if I cannot evidence both my memory and mental
health difficulties--will force me to retire from my senior job role of 28 years. My health insurer did not recognize
narcissistic abuse and initially refused to accept liability for sick pay.
I am also very frustrated about the non-identification and lack of recognition of this form of abuse from other
clinical professionals. When I saw a psychologist and told them I thought I had experienced narcissistic abuse,
they said they had not been trained in this area and therefore could not comment on it. When I saw a psychiatrist,
they said it was not an area they were familiar with, and in the letter they wrote back to my GP they said I was
experiencing ‘marital discord’ and had “mild cognitive impairment.” This completely undermines the severity of
the abuse I have experienced. I thought men’s experiences of abuse by women were more recognized now, but it
seems to me there is still a stigma and cognitive bias attached against men trying to explain how they have been
abused. Also, when you do try to explain this, it feels there is suspicion and that your accounts are not taken
seriously, particularly when the doubter only “knows” the fake public face of the abuser.
However, after a long wait I have since been assessed by a clinical neuropsychologist who took into consideration
a written report on my abuse, and in addition conducted a series of highly detailed neuropsychological tests with
interview. The outcome is that I have been assigned a formal PTSD (Post-traumatic stress disorder) diagnosis and
my condition has been described as a “functional neurological disorder, with severe depression and anxiety in
the context of an abusive relationship.” He also clarified that the dementia clinic I was seen by use the term “mild
cognitive impairment” to mean essentially “not dementia”. This information has now changed both my employer’s
Vickie Howard, Amina Adan, Charles Attwood |Escaping the Narcissist’s Worldview
Appendix B: Jonathon’s Story
I am near retirement age but I have been off sick from my job for around 12 months.
I was experiencing many difficulties coping with my wife’s inexplicable and abusive behavior for many years. I
was experiencing cognitive and memory issues, and sought professional help. After seeing an informed therapist
around 8 years ago who had knowledge both on narcissistic behaviors and narcissistic abuse, I realized what I had
been through as they outlined this and talked me through it. I cannot over-emphasize the relief I had in finally
having a framework to help me understand my experiences. But having fallen ill and been unable to manage my
senior role I am now going through an HR process, which--if I cannot evidence both my memory and mental
health difficulties--will force me to retire from my senior job role of 28 years. My health insurer did not recognize
narcissistic abuse and initially refused to accept liability for sick pay.
I am also very frustrated about the non-identification and lack of recognition of this form of abuse from other
clinical professionals. When I saw a psychologist and told them I thought I had experienced narcissistic abuse,
they said they had not been trained in this area and therefore could not comment on it. When I saw a psychiatrist,
they said it was not an area they were familiar with, and in the letter they wrote back to my GP they said I was
experiencing ‘marital discord’ and had “mild cognitive impairment.” This completely undermines the severity of
the abuse I have experienced. I thought men’s experiences of abuse by women were more recognized now, but it
seems to me there is still a stigma and cognitive bias attached against men trying to explain how they have been
abused. Also, when you do try to explain this, it feels there is suspicion and that your accounts are not taken
seriously, particularly when the doubter only “knows” the fake public face of the abuser.
However, after a long wait I have since been assessed by a clinical neuropsychologist who took into consideration
a written report on my abuse, and in addition conducted a series of highly detailed neuropsychological tests with
interview. The outcome is that I have been assigned a formal PTSD (Post-traumatic stress disorder) diagnosis and
my condition has been described as a “functional neurological disorder, with severe depression and anxiety in
the context of an abusive relationship.” He also clarified that the dementia clinic I was seen by use the term “mild
cognitive impairment” to mean essentially “not dementia”. This information has now changed both my employer’s
