Cultic Studies Journal, Vol. 12, No. 2, 1995, page 46
children. She now finds herself in a painfully divided situation in which the partner
remaining in the cult wants to assert control over the children and characterizes the
departing woman as untrustworthy, a devil, and deserving of humiliation. More painful still,
often the group‟s doctrine demands that the children be alienated from the departing
spouse. These strains are left as residual problems for the woman to cope with alone, even
as she struggles with her own psychological fragility.
One former member of a Bible-based group whom I have heard about relates how her life
fell apart when the group decided that she could not continue to attend any fellowship
meetings unless she became more submissive to her husband and to the group. According
to group doctrine, she was simply not being obedient and respectful enough. She said, “I
think the real reason was that I was going back to college and thinking for myself.” The
group‟s leader concluded that she was a possessed person, that she had homosexual
tendencies because she had stopped shaving her armpits, that she was in league with the
devil and, therefore, that she was an unfit mother. In the process of leaving the group, the
woman became involved in a very ugly divorce and custody case with her husband, who had
remained a member.
Often the cultic group asserts that the husband of the departing wife and children is no
longer obligated to support them, since (in the cult‟s view) they have become heretics, or
devil-possessed beings. The woman is thus deprived of essential financial protection and is
often left to fight a battle without resources, where the opponents are, in effect, not her
husband, but the group and all its resources. For example, I know of one group which
provides every spouse of a departing member with counsel at no cost. The group has
argued uniformly, in hundreds of custody cases, that the departing spouse has sexually
abused the children and therefore should not receive custody of the children. Such an
accusation is a terrible burden for the ex-member. Furthermore, courts have thus far
refused to recognize that this argument reflects a uniform tactic and does not necessarily
reflect individuals‟ particular situation.
Ex-members face humiliation while going through the process of emergence and recovery
from cults. Though society has begun to realize that it is not appropriate to blame the victim
of a rape, a similar reevaluation has not occurred in the case of the cult victim. As a result
women are reluctant to come forward as cult victims. They do not want to acknowledge
their experience publicly because they fear they will be accused of being gullible, trusting,
or foolish.
Also they fear the adverse publicity, because cults strike back. Cultic groups often have
deep pockets, and if one accuses a cult leader of criminal or sexually abusive conduct, one
can be threatened with a slander suit. The cult will not hesitate to finance such a lawsuit,
since they see it as a means of keeping other members from defecting. Thus, ex-members
may have to fight a powerful adversary without commensurate resources. There is really no
protection for ex-members. If they want to go on with the rest of their lives, if they don‟t
want accusations about their alleged behavior flaunted in Macy‟s window, they have a real
problem. There is no assurance of confidentiality for the person trying to leave a cultic
group. Often cults extract confessional material from members during their time in the
group, and use this information against former members who try to assert their individual
rights.
Finally, those coming out of the cults struggle to regain a positive self-image, a capacity to
trust again, and a productive role in society. Here again, it is more difficult for a woman to
rehabilitate her self-image. Whether abuse has taken place within a familial setting, with a
trusted guru, or in the context of the group, rebuilding social and intimate relationships
after abuse is more difficult for women because of the cultural constraints placed on them.
children. She now finds herself in a painfully divided situation in which the partner
remaining in the cult wants to assert control over the children and characterizes the
departing woman as untrustworthy, a devil, and deserving of humiliation. More painful still,
often the group‟s doctrine demands that the children be alienated from the departing
spouse. These strains are left as residual problems for the woman to cope with alone, even
as she struggles with her own psychological fragility.
One former member of a Bible-based group whom I have heard about relates how her life
fell apart when the group decided that she could not continue to attend any fellowship
meetings unless she became more submissive to her husband and to the group. According
to group doctrine, she was simply not being obedient and respectful enough. She said, “I
think the real reason was that I was going back to college and thinking for myself.” The
group‟s leader concluded that she was a possessed person, that she had homosexual
tendencies because she had stopped shaving her armpits, that she was in league with the
devil and, therefore, that she was an unfit mother. In the process of leaving the group, the
woman became involved in a very ugly divorce and custody case with her husband, who had
remained a member.
Often the cultic group asserts that the husband of the departing wife and children is no
longer obligated to support them, since (in the cult‟s view) they have become heretics, or
devil-possessed beings. The woman is thus deprived of essential financial protection and is
often left to fight a battle without resources, where the opponents are, in effect, not her
husband, but the group and all its resources. For example, I know of one group which
provides every spouse of a departing member with counsel at no cost. The group has
argued uniformly, in hundreds of custody cases, that the departing spouse has sexually
abused the children and therefore should not receive custody of the children. Such an
accusation is a terrible burden for the ex-member. Furthermore, courts have thus far
refused to recognize that this argument reflects a uniform tactic and does not necessarily
reflect individuals‟ particular situation.
Ex-members face humiliation while going through the process of emergence and recovery
from cults. Though society has begun to realize that it is not appropriate to blame the victim
of a rape, a similar reevaluation has not occurred in the case of the cult victim. As a result
women are reluctant to come forward as cult victims. They do not want to acknowledge
their experience publicly because they fear they will be accused of being gullible, trusting,
or foolish.
Also they fear the adverse publicity, because cults strike back. Cultic groups often have
deep pockets, and if one accuses a cult leader of criminal or sexually abusive conduct, one
can be threatened with a slander suit. The cult will not hesitate to finance such a lawsuit,
since they see it as a means of keeping other members from defecting. Thus, ex-members
may have to fight a powerful adversary without commensurate resources. There is really no
protection for ex-members. If they want to go on with the rest of their lives, if they don‟t
want accusations about their alleged behavior flaunted in Macy‟s window, they have a real
problem. There is no assurance of confidentiality for the person trying to leave a cultic
group. Often cults extract confessional material from members during their time in the
group, and use this information against former members who try to assert their individual
rights.
Finally, those coming out of the cults struggle to regain a positive self-image, a capacity to
trust again, and a productive role in society. Here again, it is more difficult for a woman to
rehabilitate her self-image. Whether abuse has taken place within a familial setting, with a
trusted guru, or in the context of the group, rebuilding social and intimate relationships
after abuse is more difficult for women because of the cultural constraints placed on them.
