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―slicing his wrists.‖ Another woman said she was a ―horrible horrible person‖ (19) for joining
her mother against her father.
Depression
Depression is a common experience for former cult members. They feel saddened about the
time they lost with their friends and family on the outside and for the fact that they gave up
their personal life dreams, aspirations and goals. Depression was also prevalent in the
adults interviewed for this study. Like former cult members, they too felt badly about the
time they lost. ―I missed many years with my father. Many wonderful years I could have
had with him.‖ (31) explained one participant. One man who did not find his father until
much later in life said he fully expected to meet him for the first time ―standing over his
grave.‖ (38) The participants expressed the belief that their depression was also due to
feeling rejected by the targeted parent, in addition to the time they lost with them. An older
woman whose mother died when she was just two-months-old provided a particularly
poignant example of this. At the time of the mother‘s death, her father was having difficulty
caring for five children while holding down a full-time job that required him to be away from
the home on alternating weeks. For this reason, he agreed to let his sister raise the baby.
This aunt, whom the participant called mommy, subsequently alienated her from her father.
She prevented visitation, denigrated him to her, and let it be known that any preference for
the father would be disloyal, hurtful, and not tolerated. Thus, the participant only saw her
father a few times a year despite the fact that he lived less than an hour away. Not only did
she lose her mother from an early death but she lost her father as well. Because the loss of
her father was unnecessary, she was particularly bitter. ―You lose your mother and you lose
your father and you‘re alone. I always felt alone.‖ (31) Another man explained his
experience with depression, ―I feel like I have a hole in my soul. And it is not something you
can physically point to and say here it is but you know it is there.‖ (38)
The impact of the loss of the targeted parent was exacerbated by the fact they were not
allowed to openly mourn this loss. In general the participants were discouraged from talking
about and/or expressing interest in their relationship with the targeted parent. Their loss
was not acknowledged and they received no emotional support in dealing with it. In fact,
quite the opposite message was conveyed, that it was a positive event for the targeted
parent to be out of their lives, essentially a ―good riddance to bad rubbish‖ message.
Inability to mourn a loss or significant life change is believed to be associated with
subsequent depression (Bowlby, 1980 Kubler-Ross, 1997) and this was certainly borne out
in the lives of the participants.
Lack of Trust
Lack of trust in themselves and others is a recurrent theme in interviews with former cult
members. They know that they were manipulated once and worry that it can happen again.
They realize that what they believed about the cult and the leader was actually not the case,
and therefore, do not trust themselves to be good judges of other‘s motives and character.
This theme was also common among the study participants. They did not trust their own
perceptions of people because from a young age they were told by one parent that the
other parent (whom most had positive memories of) was bad, dangerous, or in some other
way worthy of fear or contempt. Once they realized that they had been manipulated and
that what they been led to believe their whole lives about the targeted parent was not the
truth (or at least not the whole truth) they became even more unsure of what to believe
and whom to trust. ―Everything I believed is not so true.‖ (5) In addition, some women who
were alienated from their fathers reported not being able to trust that men would be able to
love them. They assumed that if their father (their first male love) did not love them enough
to stay involved in their lives no man would find them worthy of love and commitment. One
woman continually created conflict in her romantic relationships she tested them to see

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how much they could take before they eventually rejected her. When they did finally leave,
she concluded that of course that would happen, all men eventually leave her as her father
did.
Conclusion
The 40 adults who participated in this study described their parents in much the same terms
that cult leaders are described. These parents required excessive devotion and utilized a
range of strategies in order to cultivate their children‘s dependence on them. The perceived
impact of the alienation as described by the participants matched many of the outcomes
associated with cult involvement. These findings should provide a useful framework for
adults who were alienated from a parent as a child and for clinicians working with this
population.
Limitations of Study
Several methodological limitations need to be noted. First, a retrospective design was
utilized which did not allow for a determination of causality. That is, although the
participants described the outcomes of the alienation from their perspective, it cannot be
known whether in fact such associations exist. In particular, many of the outcomes
described (low self esteem, lack of trust) may be due to the divorce per se rather than the
alienation more specifically. Without a comparison group of adult children of divorce who did
not experience parental alienation, it is not possible to determine the alienation-specific
outcomes. However, to the extent that the study aims to describe the participants‘ felt
experience, the findings can be considered valid. Another limitation is that the participants
varied in their age at the time of the interview. Thus, some had not had a chance yet to
experience all of the possible negative outcomes described above. For example, a nineteen
year-old participant had less time to experience depression or guilt than say a 60-year-old
participant. In that respect, the findings may under-represent the negative outcomes of
parental alienation. Additionally, it is quite likely that there are many adults who were
alienated from a parent and were not aware of the fact that they had been manipulated by
their parent. There is no way to ascertain the outcomes for these adults. Thus, part of the
outcomes described above may be due to the awareness of the experience rather than to
the experience itself. And, finally, the motivations and experiences of the alienating parent
were not directly assessed. The only source of data was the perceptions, beliefs, and
memories of the adult children. For example, it is possible that the alienating parents
suffered as well and that there may have been some justification for the negative
statements made about the targeted parent.
Future Research and Practical Implications
Despite the limitations noted above, the findings presented in this paper represent the first
glimpse at the felt experience of adults who experienced parental alienation as children. To
that extent they can be used to develop hypotheses that can be tested in future research.
In particular, three directions for future research suggest themselves. First, a longitudinal
study of divorced families would be very helpful for determining the proportion in which
alienation occurs. To date, there are no empirically-based estimates of this phenomenon.
Gauging the magnitude of the problem could attract more researchers to the field as well as
lead to increased funding opportunities. Second, a large-scale quantitative study of adults
who were alienated as children could be undertaken to extend the outcome findings
reported here. Standardized measures of depression, drug use, self-esteem and other
outcomes could be administered in order to determine the rates of these experiences in the
sample. A third direction for future research would be a study of the adults (both targeted
and alienated) in order to understand the phenomenon from their perspective. For example,
it is likely that targeted parents are aware of a broader range of strategies used against
them than the children.