Cultic Studies Review, Vol. 4, No. 1, 2005, Page 14
presence of the targeted parent was minimized and their place in the hearts and minds of
the children was diminished.
Through these five strategies, the alienating parents elevated themselves into an esteemed
place in their children‘s eyes and cultivated in their children a profound dependency on their
approval and acceptance. The third characteristic of cults – the ways in which this
dependency benefits the leader and harms the members – is explored next.
Cults Further the Aims of the Leader at the Expense of the Needs of its Members as
Well as Others
The third feature of cults is that they operate for the benefit of the leader and at the
expense of its members. While they claim to exist for the benefit of the members --who are
in need of the wisdom and guidance of the leader --the reality is just the opposite: The
leader benefits from the experience much more than the members. The benefits of cults to
their leaders are both financial and psychological. Leaders of cults have unlimited access to
the money and assets accumulated and often spend disproportionately on themselves,
justifying such expenses as the minimum compensation for all their sacrifice and hard work
on behalf of the members (Singer, 1996). The psychological rewards of cult leadership are
also plentiful. Leaders become all-powerful, all-knowing, worshipped individuals who can
exercise control and authority at their whim.
Similarly, the alienating parents seemed to benefit from the lofty place they held in their
children‘s lives and from the elimination of the targeted parent. First, they appeared to have
benefited by not having to share parenting time, by avoiding the complications of
coordinating schedules, and by not having to deal with the cooperation and compromise
entailed in sharing a child with someone they no longer lived with or loved. As Johnston
(1994) has noted, concerns about the other parent‘s ability to care for the children is
pervasive in high conflict divorces. For the most part the alienating parents described in this
study had the opportunity to raise their child as they pleased without the interference of
another parent. Because many remarried, they did not suffer the financial and emotional
difficulties of single-parenthood (e.g., Teachman &Paasch, 1994). Second, they seemed to
benefit by exacting revenge on a person whom they believed harmed and/or rejected them.
By having the child reject the other parent, the alienating parent likely had the satisfaction
of the last laugh, so to speak. They had the opportunity to reject the parent in a way that
was designed to maximally inflict pain and suffering. And, finally, they seemed to benefit
from the narcissistic satisfaction of being the most important person in their child‘s life.
Through the strategies described above, these parents extended the natural idealization of
their children well into the later teens and for some on into adulthood. By cultivating
dependency on them, these parents delayed or avoided all together the natural separation
and de-idealization of their children. Thus, they warded off the natural feelings of loss and
sadness that typically accompany the process of children individuating and living their own
lives.
As the benefits to the cult leaders are many, so too are the costs to cult members. Much
has been written about the loss of identity, the loss of time with family, and the loss of
dreams that result from extended participation in cults (Langone, 1993 McKibben, Lynn, &
Malinoski, 2002 Singer, 1996 Tobias &Lalich, 1994). The costs of cult participation are
many, both psychological and financial. Many cults require hefty membership fees while
others encourage if not require members to turn over all their assets and belongings to the
leader or produce economic dependency on the cult. In addition to the financial costs
associated with cult membership, former members describe the emotional harm done to
them as the worst part of the experience (Singer, 1996). The emotional costs include (1)
diminished self-esteem from excessive dependence (2) guilt from having hurt friends and
family, (3) depression and sadness over time lost with friends and family, and (4) difficulties
presence of the targeted parent was minimized and their place in the hearts and minds of
the children was diminished.
Through these five strategies, the alienating parents elevated themselves into an esteemed
place in their children‘s eyes and cultivated in their children a profound dependency on their
approval and acceptance. The third characteristic of cults – the ways in which this
dependency benefits the leader and harms the members – is explored next.
Cults Further the Aims of the Leader at the Expense of the Needs of its Members as
Well as Others
The third feature of cults is that they operate for the benefit of the leader and at the
expense of its members. While they claim to exist for the benefit of the members --who are
in need of the wisdom and guidance of the leader --the reality is just the opposite: The
leader benefits from the experience much more than the members. The benefits of cults to
their leaders are both financial and psychological. Leaders of cults have unlimited access to
the money and assets accumulated and often spend disproportionately on themselves,
justifying such expenses as the minimum compensation for all their sacrifice and hard work
on behalf of the members (Singer, 1996). The psychological rewards of cult leadership are
also plentiful. Leaders become all-powerful, all-knowing, worshipped individuals who can
exercise control and authority at their whim.
Similarly, the alienating parents seemed to benefit from the lofty place they held in their
children‘s lives and from the elimination of the targeted parent. First, they appeared to have
benefited by not having to share parenting time, by avoiding the complications of
coordinating schedules, and by not having to deal with the cooperation and compromise
entailed in sharing a child with someone they no longer lived with or loved. As Johnston
(1994) has noted, concerns about the other parent‘s ability to care for the children is
pervasive in high conflict divorces. For the most part the alienating parents described in this
study had the opportunity to raise their child as they pleased without the interference of
another parent. Because many remarried, they did not suffer the financial and emotional
difficulties of single-parenthood (e.g., Teachman &Paasch, 1994). Second, they seemed to
benefit by exacting revenge on a person whom they believed harmed and/or rejected them.
By having the child reject the other parent, the alienating parent likely had the satisfaction
of the last laugh, so to speak. They had the opportunity to reject the parent in a way that
was designed to maximally inflict pain and suffering. And, finally, they seemed to benefit
from the narcissistic satisfaction of being the most important person in their child‘s life.
Through the strategies described above, these parents extended the natural idealization of
their children well into the later teens and for some on into adulthood. By cultivating
dependency on them, these parents delayed or avoided all together the natural separation
and de-idealization of their children. Thus, they warded off the natural feelings of loss and
sadness that typically accompany the process of children individuating and living their own
lives.
As the benefits to the cult leaders are many, so too are the costs to cult members. Much
has been written about the loss of identity, the loss of time with family, and the loss of
dreams that result from extended participation in cults (Langone, 1993 McKibben, Lynn, &
Malinoski, 2002 Singer, 1996 Tobias &Lalich, 1994). The costs of cult participation are
many, both psychological and financial. Many cults require hefty membership fees while
others encourage if not require members to turn over all their assets and belongings to the
leader or produce economic dependency on the cult. In addition to the financial costs
associated with cult membership, former members describe the emotional harm done to
them as the worst part of the experience (Singer, 1996). The emotional costs include (1)
diminished self-esteem from excessive dependence (2) guilt from having hurt friends and
family, (3) depression and sadness over time lost with friends and family, and (4) difficulties
