Cultic Studies Review, Vol. 4, No. 1, 2005, Page 10
while the other is all bad), which is a hallmark of parental alienation syndrome (Gardner,
1998).
Thus, in these families, the normal love and respect that children naturally feel for a parent
appeared to be insufficient to satisfy the narcissistic demands of the alienating parent. What
they seemed to want from their children was a level of adulation and exclusivity typically
reserved for cult leaders. They seemed to garner that level of devotion in much the same
way that cult leaders do: through a range of emotional manipulation and persuasion
techniques. The strategies employed by the alienating parents – as described by their adult
children --are described below.
Use of Emotional Manipulation and Persuasion Techniques to Heighten
Dependency on the Leader
The second characteristic of cults is that leaders manipulate the thoughts and feelings of its
members in order to promote a sense of dependency on them (e.g., Hassan, 1988 Lifton,
1989 Singer, 1996). This too was borne out in the interviews of adults who as children
were alienated from a parent due to the actions and behaviors of the other parent. There
were five primary mechanisms for manipulating the thoughts and feelings of the children:
(1) relentless bad mouthing of the character of the other parent in order to reduce their
importance and value (2) creating the impression that the targeted parent was dangerous
and planned to hurt the child in order to instill fear in and rejection of that parent (3)
deceiving children about the targeted parent‘s feelings for them in order to create hurt,
resentment, and psychological distance (4) withdrawing love if the child indicated affection
or positive regard for the targeted parent in order to heighten the need to please the
alienating parent and (5) erasing the other parent from the life and mind of the child
through minimizing actual and symbolic contact. Each of these is discussed in turn.
Relentless Badmouthing of the Character of the Other Parent to Reduce Their
Importance and Value
When participants were asked about what the alienating parent did to try to turn them
against the other parent, the first and most frequently mentioned strategy was
badmouthing. It may have featured so prominently in their minds because it was an overt
and not particularly subtle behavior and because it was so pervasive. Most participants
remarked on the constant litany of negative comments made about the targeted parent to
the child and to others in front of the child. Many of the comments were general statements
about the lack of worth of the person as a whole such as being a piss poor dad, a whore and
a slut, not the man you think he is, a good for nothing drunk probably in jail right now.
Common complaints were that the person was a cheat, an alcoholic, and someone who did
not care about his or her family. One woman recalled her step-mother complaining about
how lazy her mother was because she used instant oatmeal in the mornings. The alienating
parent seemed to operate under the assumption that if an individual is told something
enough times it becomes true in their minds, and that did seem to be the case. When asked
if they believed the badmouthing, they responded, ―Oh absolutely! At no time did I ever
think my mom wasn‘t telling the truth.‖ (38), ―All of it. She was my mother. She was God.‖
(34), ―All of it! I believed her for a really long time.‖ (35), ―I became really angry at my
father. I believed her.‖ (29) The barrage of negative statements was noteworthy for its
apparent one-sidedness (nothing good was recalled being said about the other parent to
balance out the complaints) and its lack of appropriateness. Even if true these things should
probably not be said to a child (although there might be certain circumstances in which
explaining negative aspects of the other parent could be beneficial, Warshak, 2001).
Participants recalled that their alienating parents explained concepts and/or used words
such as abortion, womanizer, rape, alcoholic well before the children knew or needed to
knew what these concepts meant.
while the other is all bad), which is a hallmark of parental alienation syndrome (Gardner,
1998).
Thus, in these families, the normal love and respect that children naturally feel for a parent
appeared to be insufficient to satisfy the narcissistic demands of the alienating parent. What
they seemed to want from their children was a level of adulation and exclusivity typically
reserved for cult leaders. They seemed to garner that level of devotion in much the same
way that cult leaders do: through a range of emotional manipulation and persuasion
techniques. The strategies employed by the alienating parents – as described by their adult
children --are described below.
Use of Emotional Manipulation and Persuasion Techniques to Heighten
Dependency on the Leader
The second characteristic of cults is that leaders manipulate the thoughts and feelings of its
members in order to promote a sense of dependency on them (e.g., Hassan, 1988 Lifton,
1989 Singer, 1996). This too was borne out in the interviews of adults who as children
were alienated from a parent due to the actions and behaviors of the other parent. There
were five primary mechanisms for manipulating the thoughts and feelings of the children:
(1) relentless bad mouthing of the character of the other parent in order to reduce their
importance and value (2) creating the impression that the targeted parent was dangerous
and planned to hurt the child in order to instill fear in and rejection of that parent (3)
deceiving children about the targeted parent‘s feelings for them in order to create hurt,
resentment, and psychological distance (4) withdrawing love if the child indicated affection
or positive regard for the targeted parent in order to heighten the need to please the
alienating parent and (5) erasing the other parent from the life and mind of the child
through minimizing actual and symbolic contact. Each of these is discussed in turn.
Relentless Badmouthing of the Character of the Other Parent to Reduce Their
Importance and Value
When participants were asked about what the alienating parent did to try to turn them
against the other parent, the first and most frequently mentioned strategy was
badmouthing. It may have featured so prominently in their minds because it was an overt
and not particularly subtle behavior and because it was so pervasive. Most participants
remarked on the constant litany of negative comments made about the targeted parent to
the child and to others in front of the child. Many of the comments were general statements
about the lack of worth of the person as a whole such as being a piss poor dad, a whore and
a slut, not the man you think he is, a good for nothing drunk probably in jail right now.
Common complaints were that the person was a cheat, an alcoholic, and someone who did
not care about his or her family. One woman recalled her step-mother complaining about
how lazy her mother was because she used instant oatmeal in the mornings. The alienating
parent seemed to operate under the assumption that if an individual is told something
enough times it becomes true in their minds, and that did seem to be the case. When asked
if they believed the badmouthing, they responded, ―Oh absolutely! At no time did I ever
think my mom wasn‘t telling the truth.‖ (38), ―All of it. She was my mother. She was God.‖
(34), ―All of it! I believed her for a really long time.‖ (35), ―I became really angry at my
father. I believed her.‖ (29) The barrage of negative statements was noteworthy for its
apparent one-sidedness (nothing good was recalled being said about the other parent to
balance out the complaints) and its lack of appropriateness. Even if true these things should
probably not be said to a child (although there might be certain circumstances in which
explaining negative aspects of the other parent could be beneficial, Warshak, 2001).
Participants recalled that their alienating parents explained concepts and/or used words
such as abortion, womanizer, rape, alcoholic well before the children knew or needed to
knew what these concepts meant.
