Cultic Studies Review, Vol. 4, No. 1, 2005, Page 15
trusting self and other (Tobias &Lalich, 1994). The participants in the study experienced
each of these negative emotional outcomes as a result of being alienated from one parent
due to the actions and behaviors of the other.4
Low Self-Esteem
Former cult members report low self-esteem and shame from having been duped and
manipulated by the leader. They feel foolish for having believed the lies and half-truths and
for not questioning what was told to them. They also suffer from low self-esteem due to the
cultivation of excessive dependence on the leader. They were led to believe that they could
not function outside the authoritarian confines of the cult, and that they were incapable of
knowing what is in their own best interest.
Adults whose parents alienated them from the other parent also reported problems with
self-esteem. Some expressed the belief that they should have questioned more what they
were being told about the targeted parent, while others recognized that as a child they
really had no reason to doubt what their parents were telling them. ―Of course I believed
my mother. She was god.‖ (34) This was not the primary source of their reduced self-
esteem. For them, it came from the internalization of the hatred of the targeted parent.
When the alienating parent denigrated the targeted parent to the child, the child assumed
that he too was bad and worthy of contempt because that person was at least in part inside
him (genetically and from an early relationship). This sentiment was exemplified in the
following statement, ―Any parts that I did feel were like my father made me feel bad about
myself because she berated him so. If I was like him how could that be good?‖ (39) Thus,
the alienating parent‘s rejection of the targeted parent was experienced as a rejection of
that part of the child that was like the targeted parent. In psychoanalytic terms, the ―bad
object‖ was internalized (e.g., Greenberg &Mitchell, 1983).
Self-esteem problems in former cult members also results from leaders fostering a belief
that parents, friends, and family did not really love and care for them. Only the cult leader
loves the person the way they deserve to be loved. This experience was also seen in adults
whose parents alienated them from their other parent. Many recalled being told that the
targeted parent did not really love or want them. Over and over it was explained that the
targeted parent left them, did not care about them, did not really love them. This too
resulted in diminished self-esteem because the child assumed that if the targeted parent did
not love them, they must be unworthy of love. When parental love is lacking the child will
naturally assume himself rather than the parent to be the cause, resulting in an
unrealistically negative self-image. It is much too frightening to think that the parent is at
fault (e.g., Golomb, 1992 Peck, 1983). Thus, the study participants believed themselves to
be unlovable because they were told that their parent did not love them.
Guilt
Former cult members often feel guilty about the harm their cult involvement has caused to
their loved ones. Once they realize that they have squandered their money and assets and
that they have treated badly those who really love them, they feel ashamed that they were
capable of behaving so callously towards people who did not deserve it. Former cult
members recall the times that they were rude or belittling or rejecting of their friends and
family and feel embarrassed at their own behavior.
Participants in the study also experienced guilt at having betrayed the targeted parent. One
man who was made to verbally abuse his father on the telephone worried about what
impact that had on his father, ―I don‘t know if he believed we really felt that way or not
because we were saying these things to him. I am hoping in my heart that he knew but it
must have hurt like hell anyway.‖ (7) He described his own feeling at the time as being like
trusting self and other (Tobias &Lalich, 1994). The participants in the study experienced
each of these negative emotional outcomes as a result of being alienated from one parent
due to the actions and behaviors of the other.4
Low Self-Esteem
Former cult members report low self-esteem and shame from having been duped and
manipulated by the leader. They feel foolish for having believed the lies and half-truths and
for not questioning what was told to them. They also suffer from low self-esteem due to the
cultivation of excessive dependence on the leader. They were led to believe that they could
not function outside the authoritarian confines of the cult, and that they were incapable of
knowing what is in their own best interest.
Adults whose parents alienated them from the other parent also reported problems with
self-esteem. Some expressed the belief that they should have questioned more what they
were being told about the targeted parent, while others recognized that as a child they
really had no reason to doubt what their parents were telling them. ―Of course I believed
my mother. She was god.‖ (34) This was not the primary source of their reduced self-
esteem. For them, it came from the internalization of the hatred of the targeted parent.
When the alienating parent denigrated the targeted parent to the child, the child assumed
that he too was bad and worthy of contempt because that person was at least in part inside
him (genetically and from an early relationship). This sentiment was exemplified in the
following statement, ―Any parts that I did feel were like my father made me feel bad about
myself because she berated him so. If I was like him how could that be good?‖ (39) Thus,
the alienating parent‘s rejection of the targeted parent was experienced as a rejection of
that part of the child that was like the targeted parent. In psychoanalytic terms, the ―bad
object‖ was internalized (e.g., Greenberg &Mitchell, 1983).
Self-esteem problems in former cult members also results from leaders fostering a belief
that parents, friends, and family did not really love and care for them. Only the cult leader
loves the person the way they deserve to be loved. This experience was also seen in adults
whose parents alienated them from their other parent. Many recalled being told that the
targeted parent did not really love or want them. Over and over it was explained that the
targeted parent left them, did not care about them, did not really love them. This too
resulted in diminished self-esteem because the child assumed that if the targeted parent did
not love them, they must be unworthy of love. When parental love is lacking the child will
naturally assume himself rather than the parent to be the cause, resulting in an
unrealistically negative self-image. It is much too frightening to think that the parent is at
fault (e.g., Golomb, 1992 Peck, 1983). Thus, the study participants believed themselves to
be unlovable because they were told that their parent did not love them.
Guilt
Former cult members often feel guilty about the harm their cult involvement has caused to
their loved ones. Once they realize that they have squandered their money and assets and
that they have treated badly those who really love them, they feel ashamed that they were
capable of behaving so callously towards people who did not deserve it. Former cult
members recall the times that they were rude or belittling or rejecting of their friends and
family and feel embarrassed at their own behavior.
Participants in the study also experienced guilt at having betrayed the targeted parent. One
man who was made to verbally abuse his father on the telephone worried about what
impact that had on his father, ―I don‘t know if he believed we really felt that way or not
because we were saying these things to him. I am hoping in my heart that he knew but it
must have hurt like hell anyway.‖ (7) He described his own feeling at the time as being like
