Cultic Studies Journal, Vol. 9, No. 1, 1992, Page 48
something against someone. During her “political trips” to socialist countries, she was
often dysfunctional and incapacitated, either by alcohol or paranoia.
Did anyone really in what was left in their heart of hearts think we were actually
building a world full of human liberation? I doubt it. We were, in fact, mentally
drained, mentally abused, physically exhausted, and slowly dying --and hating every
minute of it. We lived in a cold and cruel world we were trapped in a cycle of blatant
abuse and silent pleas for survival.
Dissension at the Top/Rumblings at the Base
Not only was Baxter more and more distanced from the majority of the membership, but also
she was exhibiting more paranoia, cynicism, and hostility. In discussions with the inner circle,
she began to talk about splitting from the bulk of the party. She said she was tired of the
burden, of dragging all these militants around, of having to explain everything all the time
and put up with the militants’ stupid mistakes. She wanted out. Her idea was to take a
handful of cadres: those she called the “intellectuals” and those with money. The plan was to
go to Washington, D.C., and start a think tank, to be around the nation’s policymakers. She
began to have one-on-one meetings with certain cadres, putting out her idea and getting
their commitment to follow her. “The rest be damned,” she would say. “They can fend for
themselves.”
A backdrop to all of this was that Baxter turned on Sandra. Sandra was suddenly persona non
grata. She was banished to her house she was to have no visitors unless approved by
Baxter her party mail was re-routed to Staff and she was sent only approved memos. Baxter
called her daily and screamed and screamed at her over the phone, blaming her for messing
up everything. Baxter was not including Sandra in her plan to leave.
In return, Sandra turned on Baxter. And this created an opening for the pent-up militants to
burst through, like roaring water breaking through a dam. Sandra was having secret
conversations with her favored few. She was giving certain militants literature on adult
children of alcoholics. She was outwardly saying that the problem with the party was Doreen
Baxter. She was talking privately about planning a sort of coup, suggesting to her cronies that
in their meetings they begin to raise criticisms of Baxter.
The channel for this was to be the current party campaign, ironically called “Quality of Life”
discussions. Baxter made it known that she wanted her life to change and she wanted this
talked about in the Branches. Upper-level leadership were to lead discussions on this topic,
treading very carefully, of course, so as not to let it go too far. Whether Baxter genuinely
made a mistake in allowing this to take place or whether her intention (as suspected by
some) was to use this as a springboard for Sandra’s eventual expulsion will probably never be
known. What did happen was the first real crack in the structure, allowing people for the first
time in years to talk about their feelings.
In a sense, the Quality of Life meetings turned into group therapy sessions. Still bound by
party discipline and riddled with guilt and self-critical attitudes, militants tiptoed into the
unknown. People spoke with anguish about losing friends and family. One woman started to
describe how she felt when her husband was put under house arrest and eventually expelled
at the time she had been told not to think or ever talk about it. She never saw him again and
for years her distress at this event had remained bundled up inside of her. Parents shed tears
over never having the time to see their children. Some said they knew they weren’t supposed
to but they felt incredibly lonely others said they felt lost and hopeless about our
accomplishments in the movement. A well-respected party doctor and party theoretician in
his 50s said he was so tired he prayed daily for a heart attack to give him some release.
Others said they wished they would get killed in a car accident because they couldn’t think of
something against someone. During her “political trips” to socialist countries, she was
often dysfunctional and incapacitated, either by alcohol or paranoia.
Did anyone really in what was left in their heart of hearts think we were actually
building a world full of human liberation? I doubt it. We were, in fact, mentally
drained, mentally abused, physically exhausted, and slowly dying --and hating every
minute of it. We lived in a cold and cruel world we were trapped in a cycle of blatant
abuse and silent pleas for survival.
Dissension at the Top/Rumblings at the Base
Not only was Baxter more and more distanced from the majority of the membership, but also
she was exhibiting more paranoia, cynicism, and hostility. In discussions with the inner circle,
she began to talk about splitting from the bulk of the party. She said she was tired of the
burden, of dragging all these militants around, of having to explain everything all the time
and put up with the militants’ stupid mistakes. She wanted out. Her idea was to take a
handful of cadres: those she called the “intellectuals” and those with money. The plan was to
go to Washington, D.C., and start a think tank, to be around the nation’s policymakers. She
began to have one-on-one meetings with certain cadres, putting out her idea and getting
their commitment to follow her. “The rest be damned,” she would say. “They can fend for
themselves.”
A backdrop to all of this was that Baxter turned on Sandra. Sandra was suddenly persona non
grata. She was banished to her house she was to have no visitors unless approved by
Baxter her party mail was re-routed to Staff and she was sent only approved memos. Baxter
called her daily and screamed and screamed at her over the phone, blaming her for messing
up everything. Baxter was not including Sandra in her plan to leave.
In return, Sandra turned on Baxter. And this created an opening for the pent-up militants to
burst through, like roaring water breaking through a dam. Sandra was having secret
conversations with her favored few. She was giving certain militants literature on adult
children of alcoholics. She was outwardly saying that the problem with the party was Doreen
Baxter. She was talking privately about planning a sort of coup, suggesting to her cronies that
in their meetings they begin to raise criticisms of Baxter.
The channel for this was to be the current party campaign, ironically called “Quality of Life”
discussions. Baxter made it known that she wanted her life to change and she wanted this
talked about in the Branches. Upper-level leadership were to lead discussions on this topic,
treading very carefully, of course, so as not to let it go too far. Whether Baxter genuinely
made a mistake in allowing this to take place or whether her intention (as suspected by
some) was to use this as a springboard for Sandra’s eventual expulsion will probably never be
known. What did happen was the first real crack in the structure, allowing people for the first
time in years to talk about their feelings.
In a sense, the Quality of Life meetings turned into group therapy sessions. Still bound by
party discipline and riddled with guilt and self-critical attitudes, militants tiptoed into the
unknown. People spoke with anguish about losing friends and family. One woman started to
describe how she felt when her husband was put under house arrest and eventually expelled
at the time she had been told not to think or ever talk about it. She never saw him again and
for years her distress at this event had remained bundled up inside of her. Parents shed tears
over never having the time to see their children. Some said they knew they weren’t supposed
to but they felt incredibly lonely others said they felt lost and hopeless about our
accomplishments in the movement. A well-respected party doctor and party theoretician in
his 50s said he was so tired he prayed daily for a heart attack to give him some release.
Others said they wished they would get killed in a car accident because they couldn’t think of
