Cultic Studies Review, Vol. 8, No. 2, 2009, Page 37
snakes, for example, or eat disgusting things. In this kind of show, ordinary people face
their phobias and disgust, even with a big smile, for the prize established by the program
producers. Doing this does not mean the experience will change them, and from the next
day they will become a snake catcher or forget about their disgust toward that food. They
do it for money. And in cults they do it for the goal of the cult. But at the same time, their
phobias and disgust keep them from changing internally.
Now let me explain the changes in us, the MEK members, by giving you a few short facts
about myself. In 1981, my family and I gave up our private life. We surrendered all our
belongings to the organization and started living in the collective houses. In 1982, to help
the organization, I lied to my beloved parents for the first time. I said I had a brain tumor,
to get money for my treatment, without thinking of how much pain they suffered as a result
of this news [breaking moral codes of our society and family].
In 1985, I burned all my past history, including my private photos, and my writings—even
my dissertation and thesis [breaking the few emotional links to the past, or, as we used to
call it, destroying our bridges behind us]. Next affected was my love for family and friends.
As long as I can remember, I had loved my mother more than anybody else. In 1985, when
I heard about her sudden death, not only could I not mourn for her, but I was not able to
shed even a few teardrops because doing so was a sign of attachment to family and friends.
Then, in 1986, after my wife left the organization, I stopped seeing her, although I loved
her very much. Eventually, in 1991, MEK went through another ―ideological revolution‖
phase, during which all members were asked to divorce our spouses, not only in reality but
in our minds and hearts. Even those who had already lost their spouses had to go through
this phase and divorce their loved ones in their memories and emotions. The expression at
the time was that being touched by our spouses was like sleeping with or being touched by
the body of a dead person that had been rotten for a few months.
Being in Society Yet Isolated from It
At the time, the story of divorce for all members within MEK was a secret. They didn‘t want
anybody outside of the cult to know about it. At the same time, I was the group‘s
representative in the UN and the US. They were very much worried that my wife would find
out about the MEK divorce requirement and announce it publicly, which could greatly
restrict the group politically. Therefore, they asked me to go to London, visit my family
(after a few years of not having seen them), buy them presents, take them to the park,
even make love with my wife—all with the condition that I control my emotions and feelings
and not fall for them. To the contrary, I was to hate every minute of it because whatever I
was doing was completely opposite to the common behavior of the organization‘s members.
I think that was the most difficult job I ever did while I was a member of MEK. I was under
immense pressure from both sides. My feelings toward my family still were not completely
dead, and at the same time I had to show love and care without feeling love, but, to the
contrary, feel disgust. I did so only through remembering the teachings of the organization
about this issue. Disgust and phobia (toward becoming an ordinary person and eventually
betraying the ―Resistance‖ and falling for the enemy) were helping hands to keep me away
from returning to my old self.
Apart from the phobia of and disgust toward becoming an ordinary person with ordinary
emotions and feelings, cults create a phobia toward their enemy. MEK in one stage created
this phobia toward imperialism and the United States, and in another phase toward the
Iranian regime. I remember when, the first time I travelled to the United States and had to
meet members of Congress, I still was suffering from that phobia toward them. While I was
as full of charm as possible, shaking hands and showing a smile, inside, my feeling was
disgust. Phobia and disgust help cults to keep their members isolated from wider society
and their enemy, engulfed in their own teachings and propaganda. In addition, you have to
snakes, for example, or eat disgusting things. In this kind of show, ordinary people face
their phobias and disgust, even with a big smile, for the prize established by the program
producers. Doing this does not mean the experience will change them, and from the next
day they will become a snake catcher or forget about their disgust toward that food. They
do it for money. And in cults they do it for the goal of the cult. But at the same time, their
phobias and disgust keep them from changing internally.
Now let me explain the changes in us, the MEK members, by giving you a few short facts
about myself. In 1981, my family and I gave up our private life. We surrendered all our
belongings to the organization and started living in the collective houses. In 1982, to help
the organization, I lied to my beloved parents for the first time. I said I had a brain tumor,
to get money for my treatment, without thinking of how much pain they suffered as a result
of this news [breaking moral codes of our society and family].
In 1985, I burned all my past history, including my private photos, and my writings—even
my dissertation and thesis [breaking the few emotional links to the past, or, as we used to
call it, destroying our bridges behind us]. Next affected was my love for family and friends.
As long as I can remember, I had loved my mother more than anybody else. In 1985, when
I heard about her sudden death, not only could I not mourn for her, but I was not able to
shed even a few teardrops because doing so was a sign of attachment to family and friends.
Then, in 1986, after my wife left the organization, I stopped seeing her, although I loved
her very much. Eventually, in 1991, MEK went through another ―ideological revolution‖
phase, during which all members were asked to divorce our spouses, not only in reality but
in our minds and hearts. Even those who had already lost their spouses had to go through
this phase and divorce their loved ones in their memories and emotions. The expression at
the time was that being touched by our spouses was like sleeping with or being touched by
the body of a dead person that had been rotten for a few months.
Being in Society Yet Isolated from It
At the time, the story of divorce for all members within MEK was a secret. They didn‘t want
anybody outside of the cult to know about it. At the same time, I was the group‘s
representative in the UN and the US. They were very much worried that my wife would find
out about the MEK divorce requirement and announce it publicly, which could greatly
restrict the group politically. Therefore, they asked me to go to London, visit my family
(after a few years of not having seen them), buy them presents, take them to the park,
even make love with my wife—all with the condition that I control my emotions and feelings
and not fall for them. To the contrary, I was to hate every minute of it because whatever I
was doing was completely opposite to the common behavior of the organization‘s members.
I think that was the most difficult job I ever did while I was a member of MEK. I was under
immense pressure from both sides. My feelings toward my family still were not completely
dead, and at the same time I had to show love and care without feeling love, but, to the
contrary, feel disgust. I did so only through remembering the teachings of the organization
about this issue. Disgust and phobia (toward becoming an ordinary person and eventually
betraying the ―Resistance‖ and falling for the enemy) were helping hands to keep me away
from returning to my old self.
Apart from the phobia of and disgust toward becoming an ordinary person with ordinary
emotions and feelings, cults create a phobia toward their enemy. MEK in one stage created
this phobia toward imperialism and the United States, and in another phase toward the
Iranian regime. I remember when, the first time I travelled to the United States and had to
meet members of Congress, I still was suffering from that phobia toward them. While I was
as full of charm as possible, shaking hands and showing a smile, inside, my feeling was
disgust. Phobia and disgust help cults to keep their members isolated from wider society
and their enemy, engulfed in their own teachings and propaganda. In addition, you have to
