VOLUME 8 |ISSUE 1 |2017
Who Am I?: When I left the Moonies
and my assigned husband, having been
married to him for 16 years and having
no children, I was able to reenter the
world of dating and sex, at age 49. But
that world was scary and dangerous since
I felt so open and vulnerable—to the
wrong kind of men. The right kind of men
seemed to be nowhere around. I wanted
to be like the little choir girl in church.
There I would be safe, but cloistered.
How could I handle either of the two
extremes? The snake is like the winding,
curling road leading back to myself. But
who was I? I didn’t know. So I felt like
screaming.
Integration: This is a soothing picture.
I am serenely sitting on a roof, looking
at the parts of my life that I see have
been integrated into one huge crazy
quilt that goes on and on (into the past
or into the future). I wear a harlequin-
patterned dress. I can now smile at
my life. A halo surrounds my head
and mirrors the sun in the sky. Nature
protects me at my back. A tree hovers
lovingly over me a large bird comes
out of the water, curious to meet me.
Green tendrils with ripe berries hang
suspended. I’m floating above earthly
things, yet nature comes up into the
lofty heights with me, to stabilize me,
so I need not feel alone.
253
Who Am I?: When I left the Moonies
and my assigned husband, having been
married to him for 16 years and having
no children, I was able to reenter the
world of dating and sex, at age 49. But
that world was scary and dangerous since
I felt so open and vulnerable—to the
wrong kind of men. The right kind of men
seemed to be nowhere around. I wanted
to be like the little choir girl in church.
There I would be safe, but cloistered.
How could I handle either of the two
extremes? The snake is like the winding,
curling road leading back to myself. But
who was I? I didn’t know. So I felt like
screaming.
Integration: This is a soothing picture.
I am serenely sitting on a roof, looking
at the parts of my life that I see have
been integrated into one huge crazy
quilt that goes on and on (into the past
or into the future). I wear a harlequin-
patterned dress. I can now smile at
my life. A halo surrounds my head
and mirrors the sun in the sky. Nature
protects me at my back. A tree hovers
lovingly over me a large bird comes
out of the water, curious to meet me.
Green tendrils with ripe berries hang
suspended. I’m floating above earthly
things, yet nature comes up into the
lofty heights with me, to stabilize me,
so I need not feel alone.
253
