VOLUME 8 |ISSUE 1 |2017 2325
My Broken Heart: I look very alone.
I’m puritanical and prim and proper,
wanting the whole world to know
that my heart was wounded. I’m
blocking off my lower part with
my hands, because I don’t want
my babies to even have to see
how my heart was violated. The
hole in my abdomen is for the two
babies I conceived but never bore,
who are now stars in heaven. A
red-headed angel is trying to blow
some inspiration to me, but the shell
around me is impenetrable. I’m too
paralyzed to see anything around
me, to allow myself any perspective.
Nature is beautiful and fecund
around me, but I can’t see it—yet.
I started drawing about two years before I left the Moonies. I was
living with my husband in Oklahoma, and I was depressed because
we had not been able to “fulfill the Purpose of Creation,” which was
to have children. Our marriage was loveless, but to divorce was to
resign ourselves to eternal hell, according to Rev. Moon, so we kept
plodding on, existing as a married couple in name only.
I had to do something creative with my mind, so I began using
colored pencils to draw still lifes and landscapes. I didn’t even think
there was anything else to draw, except for portraits or nudes,
which I could not even think of doing. Then I gradually started
fooling around and drawing cartoonish people and other weird
things, which I knew were not Principled,* so I felt guilty doing that.
My Broken Heart: I look very alone.
I’m puritanical and prim and proper,
wanting the whole world to know
that my heart was wounded. I’m
blocking off my lower part with
my hands, because I don’t want
my babies to even have to see
how my heart was violated. The
hole in my abdomen is for the two
babies I conceived but never bore,
who are now stars in heaven. A
red-headed angel is trying to blow
some inspiration to me, but the shell
around me is impenetrable. I’m too
paralyzed to see anything around
me, to allow myself any perspective.
Nature is beautiful and fecund
around me, but I can’t see it—yet.
I started drawing about two years before I left the Moonies. I was
living with my husband in Oklahoma, and I was depressed because
we had not been able to “fulfill the Purpose of Creation,” which was
to have children. Our marriage was loveless, but to divorce was to
resign ourselves to eternal hell, according to Rev. Moon, so we kept
plodding on, existing as a married couple in name only.
I had to do something creative with my mind, so I began using
colored pencils to draw still lifes and landscapes. I didn’t even think
there was anything else to draw, except for portraits or nudes,
which I could not even think of doing. Then I gradually started
fooling around and drawing cartoonish people and other weird
things, which I knew were not Principled,* so I felt guilty doing that.
