22 ICSA TODAY
Arts: Colored Pencil Paintings By Laura Chatterton
Penciled Self-Portrait: What I saw in the mirror when I first came out of the cult. I look a little shell-shocked.
Introduction
Laura Chatterton’s art follows a journey of self-discovery and
recovery that will resonate with many former cult members and
those who know them. I found Laura’s art to be powerful, raw,
and completely engrossing. Laura bravely is able to illuminate
through her art the depth of pain, shame, and self-hatred that
many former cult members feel when they emerge from their
groups. The rawness of emotions she reveals through her art and
words might startle some onlookers. However, many of those
who have allowed themselves to fully and deeply explore the
impact of numerous years spent in a cult will be able to identify
with some of Laura’s experience. Most former cult members have
endured a cult life that made them feel shameful about falling
short of reaching the ideal despite their best efforts.
These self-portraits—the first, of her dazed, dissociated state
shortly after Laura left a world in which true emotions had to
be buried, and her second, of a clownish enigmatic facade that
she needed while in the cult, reveal how her underlying sadness
had left its mark. Her drawing of a nude woman reminds me of
a child with whom I worked. After leaving her drug-addicted
mother’s womb, premature and addicted, the child was able to
survive. However, it took years for her to overcome the impact
of the meth that left her in a highly unregulated state. Despite
these early body and emotional traumas, my client persistently
moved toward health. Laura’s artwork reflects both the resilience
I discovered in my client and the resilience numerous former cult
members display.
Laura’s paintings vividly capture the contradictory feelings and
identity confusion former members feel. My Broken Heart breaks
mine, with Laura’s sadness and sense of loss it conveys at the
death of her babies yet in Homage to My Unborn Children, I also
feel Laura’s emerging awareness of a sense of relief about having
protected her children from having to grow up in her group. This
realization suggests Laura’s growing ability to look at her life with
a more balanced and accepting lens.
While the artist does not shrink from the terror and pain of her
experience in her narrative and subject matter, her brilliant
colors imbue her story with joy, as well. In Curiosity, we can see
the wise turtle moving in a slow and steady fashion toward the
possibilities of a new life and we can see integration of the old
identity into a new one, and a sense of liberation this allows.
I applaud Laura’s courage in sharing these unembellished
emotions. In doing so, Laura helps all of us arrive at a place of
truth.
Lorna Goldberg, LCSW, PsyA
Arts: Colored Pencil Paintings By Laura Chatterton
Penciled Self-Portrait: What I saw in the mirror when I first came out of the cult. I look a little shell-shocked.
Introduction
Laura Chatterton’s art follows a journey of self-discovery and
recovery that will resonate with many former cult members and
those who know them. I found Laura’s art to be powerful, raw,
and completely engrossing. Laura bravely is able to illuminate
through her art the depth of pain, shame, and self-hatred that
many former cult members feel when they emerge from their
groups. The rawness of emotions she reveals through her art and
words might startle some onlookers. However, many of those
who have allowed themselves to fully and deeply explore the
impact of numerous years spent in a cult will be able to identify
with some of Laura’s experience. Most former cult members have
endured a cult life that made them feel shameful about falling
short of reaching the ideal despite their best efforts.
These self-portraits—the first, of her dazed, dissociated state
shortly after Laura left a world in which true emotions had to
be buried, and her second, of a clownish enigmatic facade that
she needed while in the cult, reveal how her underlying sadness
had left its mark. Her drawing of a nude woman reminds me of
a child with whom I worked. After leaving her drug-addicted
mother’s womb, premature and addicted, the child was able to
survive. However, it took years for her to overcome the impact
of the meth that left her in a highly unregulated state. Despite
these early body and emotional traumas, my client persistently
moved toward health. Laura’s artwork reflects both the resilience
I discovered in my client and the resilience numerous former cult
members display.
Laura’s paintings vividly capture the contradictory feelings and
identity confusion former members feel. My Broken Heart breaks
mine, with Laura’s sadness and sense of loss it conveys at the
death of her babies yet in Homage to My Unborn Children, I also
feel Laura’s emerging awareness of a sense of relief about having
protected her children from having to grow up in her group. This
realization suggests Laura’s growing ability to look at her life with
a more balanced and accepting lens.
While the artist does not shrink from the terror and pain of her
experience in her narrative and subject matter, her brilliant
colors imbue her story with joy, as well. In Curiosity, we can see
the wise turtle moving in a slow and steady fashion toward the
possibilities of a new life and we can see integration of the old
identity into a new one, and a sense of liberation this allows.
I applaud Laura’s courage in sharing these unembellished
emotions. In doing so, Laura helps all of us arrive at a place of
truth.
Lorna Goldberg, LCSW, PsyA
