2 ICSA 24
A year later my husband and I were in Tucson, and I joined
an Artist’s Way group, a support group for anyone wanting
to be creative. The loving atmosphere encouraged freedom
and openness. I was too embarrassed to say I was a Moonie,
and I hardly spoke at all, but the nice, middle-aged, upper-
middle-class women in the class praised my work. So that
gave me confidence. One day I showed them a drawing
of what looked to me like a tortured uterus. I thought the
thing looked horrible and gross, but they saw beauty in
it. They were very affirming of my boldness in expressing
something so personal, so visceral. For the past 22 years, I had
disciplined myself to express only positive, happy thoughts
and to keep my real feelings hidden. Now, for the first time,
I was with people encouraging me to freely express sad or
lonely or violent emotions—anything! They accepted it all.
So when I left the Moonies I kept drawing. And things came
out. n
*That means “according to the moral precepts of the Divine Principle,
the core scripture of the Unification Church.”
Curiosity: The disembodied turtle head
in the middle is me underwater, looking
up curiously and jealously at the row of
embryos dancing above the pond. They
will all grow into new life forms amidst
air and freedom. Down in the pond, I am
sunken down and glommed up with the
thought forms of my past, including a
bloated, crawling, orange figure, a green
stretched-out figure, and toy boats and
cars. These objects look heavy, gumming
up the free flow of the water. There isn’t
even any room for me to have a body.
But in front of me are fishes, representing
my hope. Despite the things that drag
me down, I’m compelled to look upward
to the possibility of new life. What is out
there for me—if I could ever get out
there?
ICSA TODAYTODAY
A year later my husband and I were in Tucson, and I joined
an Artist’s Way group, a support group for anyone wanting
to be creative. The loving atmosphere encouraged freedom
and openness. I was too embarrassed to say I was a Moonie,
and I hardly spoke at all, but the nice, middle-aged, upper-
middle-class women in the class praised my work. So that
gave me confidence. One day I showed them a drawing
of what looked to me like a tortured uterus. I thought the
thing looked horrible and gross, but they saw beauty in
it. They were very affirming of my boldness in expressing
something so personal, so visceral. For the past 22 years, I had
disciplined myself to express only positive, happy thoughts
and to keep my real feelings hidden. Now, for the first time,
I was with people encouraging me to freely express sad or
lonely or violent emotions—anything! They accepted it all.
So when I left the Moonies I kept drawing. And things came
out. n
*That means “according to the moral precepts of the Divine Principle,
the core scripture of the Unification Church.”
Curiosity: The disembodied turtle head
in the middle is me underwater, looking
up curiously and jealously at the row of
embryos dancing above the pond. They
will all grow into new life forms amidst
air and freedom. Down in the pond, I am
sunken down and glommed up with the
thought forms of my past, including a
bloated, crawling, orange figure, a green
stretched-out figure, and toy boats and
cars. These objects look heavy, gumming
up the free flow of the water. There isn’t
even any room for me to have a body.
But in front of me are fishes, representing
my hope. Despite the things that drag
me down, I’m compelled to look upward
to the possibility of new life. What is out
there for me—if I could ever get out
there?
ICSA TODAYTODAY
