VOLUME 8 |ISSUE 1 |2017 2111
Most of the literature on children in high-demand groups focuses
on how distraught parents and desperate families attempt to get
young people out of a cultic group. However, this case study, set
in both Sweden and the United States, tells the opposite story. In
the midst of his own alienation and suffering, our son struggled
for years trying to convince us, his true-believer parents, of the
deceitful and hypocritical behavior of the leader of our spiritual
community.
Everybody’s Darling
Our story begins before our son began questioning the spiritual
values and lifestyle instilled in him by his family since he was a
small child in Sweden. We had joined a well-respected spiritual
group there when our son was 4 years old about four years later
we moved to the major center of the group in New York City. As
a child, our son felt loved, secure, and part of an extremely tight-
knit and supportive spiritual family. If it takes an entire village
to educate a child, our son certainly experienced this during his
childhood. He was a little beam of sunshine, running about the
group’s tennis court with his golden hair and blue eyes, fetching
tennis balls as a ball boy. He was everybody’s darling, and
sometimes disciples would spontaneously give him presents and
even pocket money. Of course, there were very few children on
our celibate path, so he was also a relatively rare commodity! In
those early years, he would meditate for long periods of time, and
his eyes seemed to sparkle with light, to the delight of the entire
spiritual community.
Our son loved sports and was very happy in our group, which was
very involved with athletics. He could run like a deer. He became
an excellent middle-distance runner and trained on local college
tracks with his disciple training partners. He also became an
excellent tennis player. He took lessons both from a few advanced
players within the group and at the US Tennis Association in
Queens, and he developed a very powerful serve. He competed
successfully for a while in the US Tennis Association’s junior tennis
league and was also a ball boy for world-class players at the US
Open. The adoring disciples were so proud of our son! Eventually,
we had to give up the tennis lessons because they became too
expensive for us, living as relatively poor disciples.
Our family was more fortunate than most people in our ashram,
which was located in a low-income neighborhood. We got to buy
the guru’s old van and were considered householders, with more
freedom, but with a lower spiritual status than other members of
the group. Often, our son would get to return to Sweden to spend
summers with his beloved maternal grandmother, who helped
pay for the trips. He was seen as privileged within the group and
seemed to be thriving…
Rebellion Begins
Then, suddenly, as he entered adolescence, our son became
sullen, withdrawn, and rebellious. We did not recognize it then,
but now we understand that he started to feel that aspects of the
spiritual environment he had been raised in were oppressive and
controlling. He began to be aware that he was missing freedoms
enjoyed by adolescents in ordinary society outside of our
community.
Gradually, as our son grew older, he came to resent the disciples’
eyes, always watching him. He was not alone in his changing
attitude toward the group that had previously been his entire
world. For example, the group would rent public schools to hold
celebratory functions attended by the adult members. At these
functions, devoted disciples focused their attention totally on
the guru. Temporarily unsupervised, our son and other frustrated
disciple children often raced around in school corridors, slamming
lockers and even jumping into forbidden swimming pools in
school gyms. One evening an “Inner Circle girl” called us up and
said that, when she was coming home after a function, she had
seen our son walking around late at night on a public street with
another disciple boy and “…where were we, his parents…?!”
We were very troubled as we saw our son begin to share in the
exploratory behavior typical of his ordinary (nongroup) peers. He
also expressed a desire to go to college. This type of outside-world
activity was considered “lower vital”1 and destructive behavior
according to ashram standards and was forbidden. In an effort to
defuse some of his rebelliousness and replace his desire to go to
college and be in the ordinary world, we sent him on the group’s
Olympic-torch-style Peace Runs around the world, and also on its
international Christmas trips. However, his restlessness within the
bonds of the group did not abate.
Eventually, our son was allowed to escape from the strict New York
City center, where the guru lived, by joining a distant West Coast
center. Peripheral centers were often less supervised and had more
freedom. Within our group, this particular West Coast center was
derisively called the lower-vital center because it was looser and
more open. For example, at least one privileged disciple there was
observed for a long time to have a girlfriend. Our son was shocked
to find out from some of his acquaintances that exceptions to the
rules in various centers were overlooked as long as the youth were
discreet, and the disciple/family involved had sufficient status
or connections, or made significant financial contributions, or
a combination of these. He also found out there were gay boys
who were apparently tolerated. He became seriously disillusioned
when he saw that the proudly proclaimed celibate stature of some
disciples was a lie.
Our Family Is Split
During these years, our son couldn’t really talk to us. Perhaps
he was not yet fully able to express his dilemma. And certainly
we, his still-indoctrinated parents, couldn’t talk about such
forbidden topics as sex with him either. We were afraid that his
critical views and rebellious behavior would lead to expulsion by
the authoritarian and charismatic guru, to whom we were (still)
committed. Our biggest fear was that we would be asked never to
see our son again, as had happened several times to other families.
We and our son were terrified of this potential outcome!
And then the inevitable happened: Our son was kicked out. Our
family was split, and deeply traumatized. We were in shock after
this point and could barely function. We had to go to the disciple
Our biggest fear was that
we would be asked never
to see our son again…
Most of the literature on children in high-demand groups focuses
on how distraught parents and desperate families attempt to get
young people out of a cultic group. However, this case study, set
in both Sweden and the United States, tells the opposite story. In
the midst of his own alienation and suffering, our son struggled
for years trying to convince us, his true-believer parents, of the
deceitful and hypocritical behavior of the leader of our spiritual
community.
Everybody’s Darling
Our story begins before our son began questioning the spiritual
values and lifestyle instilled in him by his family since he was a
small child in Sweden. We had joined a well-respected spiritual
group there when our son was 4 years old about four years later
we moved to the major center of the group in New York City. As
a child, our son felt loved, secure, and part of an extremely tight-
knit and supportive spiritual family. If it takes an entire village
to educate a child, our son certainly experienced this during his
childhood. He was a little beam of sunshine, running about the
group’s tennis court with his golden hair and blue eyes, fetching
tennis balls as a ball boy. He was everybody’s darling, and
sometimes disciples would spontaneously give him presents and
even pocket money. Of course, there were very few children on
our celibate path, so he was also a relatively rare commodity! In
those early years, he would meditate for long periods of time, and
his eyes seemed to sparkle with light, to the delight of the entire
spiritual community.
Our son loved sports and was very happy in our group, which was
very involved with athletics. He could run like a deer. He became
an excellent middle-distance runner and trained on local college
tracks with his disciple training partners. He also became an
excellent tennis player. He took lessons both from a few advanced
players within the group and at the US Tennis Association in
Queens, and he developed a very powerful serve. He competed
successfully for a while in the US Tennis Association’s junior tennis
league and was also a ball boy for world-class players at the US
Open. The adoring disciples were so proud of our son! Eventually,
we had to give up the tennis lessons because they became too
expensive for us, living as relatively poor disciples.
Our family was more fortunate than most people in our ashram,
which was located in a low-income neighborhood. We got to buy
the guru’s old van and were considered householders, with more
freedom, but with a lower spiritual status than other members of
the group. Often, our son would get to return to Sweden to spend
summers with his beloved maternal grandmother, who helped
pay for the trips. He was seen as privileged within the group and
seemed to be thriving…
Rebellion Begins
Then, suddenly, as he entered adolescence, our son became
sullen, withdrawn, and rebellious. We did not recognize it then,
but now we understand that he started to feel that aspects of the
spiritual environment he had been raised in were oppressive and
controlling. He began to be aware that he was missing freedoms
enjoyed by adolescents in ordinary society outside of our
community.
Gradually, as our son grew older, he came to resent the disciples’
eyes, always watching him. He was not alone in his changing
attitude toward the group that had previously been his entire
world. For example, the group would rent public schools to hold
celebratory functions attended by the adult members. At these
functions, devoted disciples focused their attention totally on
the guru. Temporarily unsupervised, our son and other frustrated
disciple children often raced around in school corridors, slamming
lockers and even jumping into forbidden swimming pools in
school gyms. One evening an “Inner Circle girl” called us up and
said that, when she was coming home after a function, she had
seen our son walking around late at night on a public street with
another disciple boy and “…where were we, his parents…?!”
We were very troubled as we saw our son begin to share in the
exploratory behavior typical of his ordinary (nongroup) peers. He
also expressed a desire to go to college. This type of outside-world
activity was considered “lower vital”1 and destructive behavior
according to ashram standards and was forbidden. In an effort to
defuse some of his rebelliousness and replace his desire to go to
college and be in the ordinary world, we sent him on the group’s
Olympic-torch-style Peace Runs around the world, and also on its
international Christmas trips. However, his restlessness within the
bonds of the group did not abate.
Eventually, our son was allowed to escape from the strict New York
City center, where the guru lived, by joining a distant West Coast
center. Peripheral centers were often less supervised and had more
freedom. Within our group, this particular West Coast center was
derisively called the lower-vital center because it was looser and
more open. For example, at least one privileged disciple there was
observed for a long time to have a girlfriend. Our son was shocked
to find out from some of his acquaintances that exceptions to the
rules in various centers were overlooked as long as the youth were
discreet, and the disciple/family involved had sufficient status
or connections, or made significant financial contributions, or
a combination of these. He also found out there were gay boys
who were apparently tolerated. He became seriously disillusioned
when he saw that the proudly proclaimed celibate stature of some
disciples was a lie.
Our Family Is Split
During these years, our son couldn’t really talk to us. Perhaps
he was not yet fully able to express his dilemma. And certainly
we, his still-indoctrinated parents, couldn’t talk about such
forbidden topics as sex with him either. We were afraid that his
critical views and rebellious behavior would lead to expulsion by
the authoritarian and charismatic guru, to whom we were (still)
committed. Our biggest fear was that we would be asked never to
see our son again, as had happened several times to other families.
We and our son were terrified of this potential outcome!
And then the inevitable happened: Our son was kicked out. Our
family was split, and deeply traumatized. We were in shock after
this point and could barely function. We had to go to the disciple
Our biggest fear was that
we would be asked never
to see our son again…
