Cultic Studies Journal, Volume 17, 2000, Page 38
early years, our self-concept can nonetheless be manipulated in adult life. This is forcefully
demonstrated in cultic relationships, where an individual‘s worth is measured by the degree
of obedience to the leader/perpetrator. I have found again and again that women who have
left violent relationships and individuals who have left a destructive group continue to
demonstrate a strong sense of loyalty to the perpetrator(s). For the individual concerned,
this can be a source of confusion and stress. How could they ―choose‖ to remain in such an
abusive environment, and what is worse, miss it? I have personally found it useful in
counseling a victim of domestic violence to briefly go over cult dynamics and draw parallels.
Initially, I may not use terminology that belongs to the cult literature, but instead talk about
the experiences of others whom I have heard about. Not until the woman makes some link
to her experience, do I mention that the information given draws from ―brainwashing‖ and
―cult mind control‖ theories. Women find it liberating to discover that she is ―not going
crazy,‖ and that anyone else in the same environment may well have behaved and felt the
same. Likewise, for some who find it inconceivable that they were in a cult, I might review
some dynamics of violent relationships (environmental control, control of resources,
manipulation with fear and guilt, etc) and gently draw parallels and implications.
Triggers
Both populations have described uncomfortable situations, ranging from the annoying to the
terrifying, in describing cues that remind them of the past abusive relationship. For the
partner who leaves the violent spouse, it may be innocent mannerisms from a new partner.
It may be conversations or behaviors from the children. It may be simply thinking about
spending some money on oneself. For the ex-cultist, it often depends on the nature of the
group left behind. For Bible-based groups, church buildings, bibles, or religious dates may
be troublesome. The author once supported an individual who came out of a high-control
group. She found that simply using modern appliances around the home and eating take-
out foods created discomfort. With both populations, the author has noticed that language
reminiscent of the abuse may be particularly triggering.
In each case, a series of educational sessions on the nature of cult/violence dynamics may
prove useful. Once triggers are named for what they are, namely associated stimuli, the
dismantling of the triggers can begin and new associations can be created. Once again, it is
important to normalize such presenting issues as typical responses internalized from an
abusive environment.
Grief and Loss
Individuals who have left a violent partner often feel:
Loss of financial stability
Loss of the ―family unit‖
Loss of opportunities
Grief over the impact on the children
Grief over the ―wasted years‖ while with the partner.
People who leave toxic groups have similar experiences of loss:
Loss over family still in the group
Loss over assets lost to the group
Loss over the sense of mission and purpose
Loss over finding out, ―it was all a lie.‖
―Starting again‖ is a common presenting problem to both populations. For some, the pain
will be around family issues for others it could be finding a job and ―starting from scratch.‖
Here, however, is an opportunity for self-empowerment (Dahlen, 1997). With both
populations, there is the risk that the therapist could fill the void left by the perpetrator/cult.
early years, our self-concept can nonetheless be manipulated in adult life. This is forcefully
demonstrated in cultic relationships, where an individual‘s worth is measured by the degree
of obedience to the leader/perpetrator. I have found again and again that women who have
left violent relationships and individuals who have left a destructive group continue to
demonstrate a strong sense of loyalty to the perpetrator(s). For the individual concerned,
this can be a source of confusion and stress. How could they ―choose‖ to remain in such an
abusive environment, and what is worse, miss it? I have personally found it useful in
counseling a victim of domestic violence to briefly go over cult dynamics and draw parallels.
Initially, I may not use terminology that belongs to the cult literature, but instead talk about
the experiences of others whom I have heard about. Not until the woman makes some link
to her experience, do I mention that the information given draws from ―brainwashing‖ and
―cult mind control‖ theories. Women find it liberating to discover that she is ―not going
crazy,‖ and that anyone else in the same environment may well have behaved and felt the
same. Likewise, for some who find it inconceivable that they were in a cult, I might review
some dynamics of violent relationships (environmental control, control of resources,
manipulation with fear and guilt, etc) and gently draw parallels and implications.
Triggers
Both populations have described uncomfortable situations, ranging from the annoying to the
terrifying, in describing cues that remind them of the past abusive relationship. For the
partner who leaves the violent spouse, it may be innocent mannerisms from a new partner.
It may be conversations or behaviors from the children. It may be simply thinking about
spending some money on oneself. For the ex-cultist, it often depends on the nature of the
group left behind. For Bible-based groups, church buildings, bibles, or religious dates may
be troublesome. The author once supported an individual who came out of a high-control
group. She found that simply using modern appliances around the home and eating take-
out foods created discomfort. With both populations, the author has noticed that language
reminiscent of the abuse may be particularly triggering.
In each case, a series of educational sessions on the nature of cult/violence dynamics may
prove useful. Once triggers are named for what they are, namely associated stimuli, the
dismantling of the triggers can begin and new associations can be created. Once again, it is
important to normalize such presenting issues as typical responses internalized from an
abusive environment.
Grief and Loss
Individuals who have left a violent partner often feel:
Loss of financial stability
Loss of the ―family unit‖
Loss of opportunities
Grief over the impact on the children
Grief over the ―wasted years‖ while with the partner.
People who leave toxic groups have similar experiences of loss:
Loss over family still in the group
Loss over assets lost to the group
Loss over the sense of mission and purpose
Loss over finding out, ―it was all a lie.‖
―Starting again‖ is a common presenting problem to both populations. For some, the pain
will be around family issues for others it could be finding a job and ―starting from scratch.‖
Here, however, is an opportunity for self-empowerment (Dahlen, 1997). With both
populations, there is the risk that the therapist could fill the void left by the perpetrator/cult.
