42 International Journal of Cultic Studies ■ Vol. 8, 2017
their cult background. They have found they
neither belonged in or belong outside of the cult.
Moyers (1994) found that first-generation cult
survivors had the option to reunite and reconnect
with family and friends. SGA survivors do not
have that option and are dealing with complete
loss of friends and family, and are struggling
with building new relationships and friendships
in an outside world where they feel “judged”
and “weird.” Because most cult survivors have
not experienced healthy relationships and tend
either not to trust at all or to trust too much in
relationships, counselors can help these clients
explore relationships and healthy boundaries
(Lalich &Tobias, 2006). Counselors can also
encourage SGAs to find social and emotional
support groups to help them process their cult
experiences and form new, healthy relationships
(Goldberg, 1993). Participants in the study who
were actively involved in cult-support groups
reported that the groups helped them not to feel
alone, normalized their experiences, and helped
them navigate the outside world.
Theme 5: Relationship With Parents
For participants in this study, because of the
patriarchal structure of the family and cult,
parents had full authority over their children in
the cult. With rigid gender roles, fathers were
authority figures and mothers were nurturers.
Significantly, participants noted that fathers used
anger and punishment to control, and mothers
used guilt and shame to control their children.
Overall, parents put children’s needs second to
the cult. One participant stated, “My mom put
me as the second priority. They would say
explicitly, ‘It’s awesome that you’re so
submissive to us—making our path to God our
first priority in life.’”
Leaving parents behind in the cult was
emotionally straining for participants. One
participant stated,
What made it difficult to leave was
family pressure. Knowing all the stress
and drama it was going to create on both
sides. And both my parents and in-laws
felt they had the authority to tell us what
to do.
Two participants described leaving with their
parents and immediate family members as less
stressful than for those who left parents behind
in the cult. “We all talked about leaving
together. We made the decision to leave
together.” Another stated, “My mother chose to
leave with us partly because of the abuse being
inflicted upon her children.” As Markowitz and
Halperin (1984) described, parents in cults are
often put in the role of middle management in
that they are expected to carry out the
instructions of cult leaders even if these
instructions go against their parenting instincts.
The loyalty of parents is often measured in the
cult by how well they carry out the edicts of the
leaders, especially in terms of discipline tactics
with their children.
For participants who continued to communicate
with their parents after leaving, conversations
were generally guarded because the cult
continued to come up in conversation and the
participants would be invited back to church.
One participant stated, “My dad said he was
going to go to hell because of me leaving the
[cult]. I know the bottom line—he wants me to
come back.” Some chose to move away from
their parents and lie about their activity in the
cult, to smooth the transition. One stated, “We
lived near my parents. They were involved in
every aspect of our life. So finally, we just
moved. I wasn’t strong enough to lock them out.
I needed distance.” Most often, if the parents did
know about the participants leaving, the father
would cut off all ties with the child who left,
regardless of age. The relationship with the
mother was often confusing because
conversations were secretive from the father. As
a result, participants continued to feel anger
toward their fathers and feel confused about
their relationships with their mothers. As one
participant stated, “I just had to lower my
expectations with my relationship with my
dad—it’s not going to be a Hallmark card … the
church is the only thing that matters to him.”
Even after participants left their respective cults,
parents continued to put the cult first and their
children second.
Counselors need to understand that clients are
working through both past abuse and family-of-
origin issues. Often the cult and the family are
their cult background. They have found they
neither belonged in or belong outside of the cult.
Moyers (1994) found that first-generation cult
survivors had the option to reunite and reconnect
with family and friends. SGA survivors do not
have that option and are dealing with complete
loss of friends and family, and are struggling
with building new relationships and friendships
in an outside world where they feel “judged”
and “weird.” Because most cult survivors have
not experienced healthy relationships and tend
either not to trust at all or to trust too much in
relationships, counselors can help these clients
explore relationships and healthy boundaries
(Lalich &Tobias, 2006). Counselors can also
encourage SGAs to find social and emotional
support groups to help them process their cult
experiences and form new, healthy relationships
(Goldberg, 1993). Participants in the study who
were actively involved in cult-support groups
reported that the groups helped them not to feel
alone, normalized their experiences, and helped
them navigate the outside world.
Theme 5: Relationship With Parents
For participants in this study, because of the
patriarchal structure of the family and cult,
parents had full authority over their children in
the cult. With rigid gender roles, fathers were
authority figures and mothers were nurturers.
Significantly, participants noted that fathers used
anger and punishment to control, and mothers
used guilt and shame to control their children.
Overall, parents put children’s needs second to
the cult. One participant stated, “My mom put
me as the second priority. They would say
explicitly, ‘It’s awesome that you’re so
submissive to us—making our path to God our
first priority in life.’”
Leaving parents behind in the cult was
emotionally straining for participants. One
participant stated,
What made it difficult to leave was
family pressure. Knowing all the stress
and drama it was going to create on both
sides. And both my parents and in-laws
felt they had the authority to tell us what
to do.
Two participants described leaving with their
parents and immediate family members as less
stressful than for those who left parents behind
in the cult. “We all talked about leaving
together. We made the decision to leave
together.” Another stated, “My mother chose to
leave with us partly because of the abuse being
inflicted upon her children.” As Markowitz and
Halperin (1984) described, parents in cults are
often put in the role of middle management in
that they are expected to carry out the
instructions of cult leaders even if these
instructions go against their parenting instincts.
The loyalty of parents is often measured in the
cult by how well they carry out the edicts of the
leaders, especially in terms of discipline tactics
with their children.
For participants who continued to communicate
with their parents after leaving, conversations
were generally guarded because the cult
continued to come up in conversation and the
participants would be invited back to church.
One participant stated, “My dad said he was
going to go to hell because of me leaving the
[cult]. I know the bottom line—he wants me to
come back.” Some chose to move away from
their parents and lie about their activity in the
cult, to smooth the transition. One stated, “We
lived near my parents. They were involved in
every aspect of our life. So finally, we just
moved. I wasn’t strong enough to lock them out.
I needed distance.” Most often, if the parents did
know about the participants leaving, the father
would cut off all ties with the child who left,
regardless of age. The relationship with the
mother was often confusing because
conversations were secretive from the father. As
a result, participants continued to feel anger
toward their fathers and feel confused about
their relationships with their mothers. As one
participant stated, “I just had to lower my
expectations with my relationship with my
dad—it’s not going to be a Hallmark card … the
church is the only thing that matters to him.”
Even after participants left their respective cults,
parents continued to put the cult first and their
children second.
Counselors need to understand that clients are
working through both past abuse and family-of-
origin issues. Often the cult and the family are
