14 ICSA TODAY
miscommunication and promote real understanding
in your loved one. Knowledge also prevents you
from playing into the hands of the group. Most
groups have been incorrectly blamed for things in
the past. They will use the media’s misinformation
and your misconceptions to make the group seem
legitimate.
• Create for the loved one a real place to go. More than
a job or a place to live, important as these things are,
your loved one needs an atmosphere of emotional
safety. Extended family and friends also need to
be educated in HDG/cult dynamics to minimize
awkwardness.
• Consult with a cult-aware professional when
necessary. This person can assist you with support,
understanding, and concrete suggestions to
help yourself as well as your loved ones. Please
do not take any drastic actions without first
consulting a cult-aware professional or consultant.
ISCA may be able to help you find appropriate
professionals, consultants, or organizations in
your area, such as RETIRN, which I cofounded, or
Wellspring.
My loved one just left a HDG, how can I help them?
The concepts above apply: Educate yourself, keep the lines
of communication open, and try to create a real place to
go. Here is where professional resources fit into the whole
process. Once your loved one has decided it would not be
in her best interest to return to the group or relationship,
there is a growing network of mental-health professionals
with expertise in cultic dynamics to whom you can turn for
assistance.
Most importantly, your loved one may have questions and
emotional needs you feel ill-equipped to handle. Not resolving
these issues can result in much longer recovery periods
worse, some individuals will not be able to recover on their
own at all. There is an old saying: “Time does not heal the
wounds of betrayal.” Your loved one may not be able to “get
over” the experience the way she might overcome some other
obstacle in life.
Many mental-health professionals and clergy feel ill-equipped
to meet the needs of former cult members. Our experience
is they are better equipped than they think. A background
in the social psychology of undue influence and the impact
of traumatic experiences—which many professionals
have—along with a willingness to listen before judging and
“pathologizing” either former members or families, often
provides a firm foundation for effective helping. Consultation
with professionals and paraprofessionals (including cultic
scholars and former members experienced with helping other
former members) is available and often extremely useful. n
Just believing strongly in or
committing deeply to a cause …
does not mean that one is in a
HDG [high-demand group].
Educate yourself, keep the lines of
communication open, and try
to create a real place to go.
miscommunication and promote real understanding
in your loved one. Knowledge also prevents you
from playing into the hands of the group. Most
groups have been incorrectly blamed for things in
the past. They will use the media’s misinformation
and your misconceptions to make the group seem
legitimate.
• Create for the loved one a real place to go. More than
a job or a place to live, important as these things are,
your loved one needs an atmosphere of emotional
safety. Extended family and friends also need to
be educated in HDG/cult dynamics to minimize
awkwardness.
• Consult with a cult-aware professional when
necessary. This person can assist you with support,
understanding, and concrete suggestions to
help yourself as well as your loved ones. Please
do not take any drastic actions without first
consulting a cult-aware professional or consultant.
ISCA may be able to help you find appropriate
professionals, consultants, or organizations in
your area, such as RETIRN, which I cofounded, or
Wellspring.
My loved one just left a HDG, how can I help them?
The concepts above apply: Educate yourself, keep the lines
of communication open, and try to create a real place to
go. Here is where professional resources fit into the whole
process. Once your loved one has decided it would not be
in her best interest to return to the group or relationship,
there is a growing network of mental-health professionals
with expertise in cultic dynamics to whom you can turn for
assistance.
Most importantly, your loved one may have questions and
emotional needs you feel ill-equipped to handle. Not resolving
these issues can result in much longer recovery periods
worse, some individuals will not be able to recover on their
own at all. There is an old saying: “Time does not heal the
wounds of betrayal.” Your loved one may not be able to “get
over” the experience the way she might overcome some other
obstacle in life.
Many mental-health professionals and clergy feel ill-equipped
to meet the needs of former cult members. Our experience
is they are better equipped than they think. A background
in the social psychology of undue influence and the impact
of traumatic experiences—which many professionals
have—along with a willingness to listen before judging and
“pathologizing” either former members or families, often
provides a firm foundation for effective helping. Consultation
with professionals and paraprofessionals (including cultic
scholars and former members experienced with helping other
former members) is available and often extremely useful. n
Just believing strongly in or
committing deeply to a cause …
does not mean that one is in a
HDG [high-demand group].
Educate yourself, keep the lines of
communication open, and try
to create a real place to go.
