5 VOLUME 9 |ISSUE 2 |2018
By Michael D. Langone
P
eople do not join groups they know will
be bad for them. Initially, they usually
view the group they join as “wonderful.”
Those who have grown up in these groups
usually had no say about their being a part
of the group. Some of these young people
are kicked out of their groups for others, the
decision to leave their family home/group may
have been a costly, but healthy decision.
Abusive groups or relationships (e.g., between
a guru and devotee, an imam and worshipper,
or a pastor and a congregant) tend to be
characterized by a power differential in which
the more powerful figures exploit their positions
to take advantage of those with less power.
Thus, when people leave abusive groups or
relationships, they tend to feel betrayed or
confused because they cannot account for their
pain, and often that they are failures because of
their inability to live up to the demands of the
abuser(s).
Those who feel betrayed will tend to be wary
of relationships in which there may be a power
differential (e.g., psychotherapist-client pastor-
congregant). Even though many want help
or a faith community, their level of hesitation,
suspicion, and sensitivity may be quite high.
Those for whom confusion is dominant may
benefit from education about the dynamics
of spiritual abuse, although sometimes
indecisiveness makes it difficult for them to
pursue or persist in educational endeavors.
Those who feel that they are failures may
still believe in their abuser(s) and tend to be
self-blaming. This makes them vulnerable to
other abusers, who may realize that “strategic
kindness” can help them gain control over
the self-blaming person. Self-blamers may
By Michael D. Langone
P
eople do not join groups they know will
be bad for them. Initially, they usually
view the group they join as “wonderful.”
Those who have grown up in these groups
usually had no say about their being a part
of the group. Some of these young people
are kicked out of their groups for others, the
decision to leave their family home/group may
have been a costly, but healthy decision.
Abusive groups or relationships (e.g., between
a guru and devotee, an imam and worshipper,
or a pastor and a congregant) tend to be
characterized by a power differential in which
the more powerful figures exploit their positions
to take advantage of those with less power.
Thus, when people leave abusive groups or
relationships, they tend to feel betrayed or
confused because they cannot account for their
pain, and often that they are failures because of
their inability to live up to the demands of the
abuser(s).
Those who feel betrayed will tend to be wary
of relationships in which there may be a power
differential (e.g., psychotherapist-client pastor-
congregant). Even though many want help
or a faith community, their level of hesitation,
suspicion, and sensitivity may be quite high.
Those for whom confusion is dominant may
benefit from education about the dynamics
of spiritual abuse, although sometimes
indecisiveness makes it difficult for them to
pursue or persist in educational endeavors.
Those who feel that they are failures may
still believe in their abuser(s) and tend to be
self-blaming. This makes them vulnerable to
other abusers, who may realize that “strategic
kindness” can help them gain control over
the self-blaming person. Self-blamers may
