10 ICSA TODAY
My wife, Wendy, and I have been cofacilitating a monthly
support group for former cult members for about nine years.
We style this as a peer support group because, although we are
both mental health professionals (I am a counselor and Wendy
is a social worker), we are both former cult members ourselves.
We do not charge anyone to participate—the group is free. Of
course, we have a responsibility as professionals to be mindful
of anyone who may be in crisis, and to respond appropriately
should the need arise. Moreover, we screen everyone carefully
before inviting them to the group so that the participants
can all be safe. The general rule is that the group is for former
members only, though there have been a few times when, with
the group’s prior permission, we have allowed family members
to participate.
The group meets for 2 hours, once a month. We meet in a space
that is generously provided by the local Episcopal Church to
which Wendy and I belong. There are times when we will start
the group off with some psychoeducation (normally focused
on something such as one of Robert Lifton’s eight criteria for
thought reform), but that is mostly to prime the pump for
discussion. We believe that the most helpful role of the group
is to provide space for people to tell their stories and receive
support and feedback from others who have been through
similar experiences and who will not judge them.
We have a list of group guidelines that we read aloud any
time a new member is in attendance. These are the standard
guidelines about confidentiality that one would expect. We
also explain that we are not a “confessions” group and remind
everyone to keep their boundaries. We are aware that many
people come from environments where they were required to
share every detail of their lives and even their thoughts, and
we try to show them by word and deed how that is neither
necessary nor healthy. Therefore, we emphasize everyone’s
right not to share anything that makes them uncomfortable,
and we stress to the group the importance of not prying and
not pressuring people to reveal something they do not wish to
discuss.
Also, since most of our members come out of cultic, Bible-
based groups, we emphasize that our group is not a Bible study
and that it is not appropriate to preach to people or try to foist
religious views on them. The group is to respect where each
member happens to be on life’s journey. We seek to uphold
each person’s autonomy and the right to work out for oneself
what one believes. The point of the group is to uphold each
member’s dignity and worth as a unique person—dignity and
worth that has been trampled on by the narcissistic leaders and
abusive cults the members have been entangled with in their
pasts.
Nevertheless, I would be remiss if we did not acknowledge that,
even with this stated purpose, our group does have a little bit of
a Christian flavor to it. I can think of at least three reasons this is
so, and there are probably others.
First, and probably most important, Wendy and I remain
Christians ourselves. To be sure, the type of Christianity we
practice today is light years away from what we were involved
in as cult members nevertheless, we are members in good
standing of a mainstream, denominational Christian church.
While we do not go out of our way to make a point of this,
neither do we hide it. Finding a healthy way to “do church”
has been a part of our journey, and it is a theme in our story
of healing and redemption. Although many, probably most,
people coming out of destructive Bible-based groups do not
find their way back to a healthy involvement in church, it can
be helpful for those who do. It certainly has been so in our case.
As members come to know us, they inevitably see us in the
context of our own history and path out of a cult.
Second, the people who have come to our group are
overwhelmingly refugees from Christian cults. Lately we have
had some folks from Eastern groups and from Scientology, but
over time it has been mostly folks fleeing Bible groups. People
from such groups are often still quite focused on figuring out
what the Bible really means, and how their group could have
gotten it all so confused. It is common for such people to
want to continue believing in Jesus Christ, and they are often
wrestling with the proof texts and twisted Scriptures their
group used to control them. That is something that Wendy
and I can help with. Although we do not preach or even teach
the Bible in our groups, we feel comfortable offering people
alternative ways to interpret the Scriptures—especially if there
is a particular “clobber verse” they are getting hung up on.
Again, we do not want to foist our viewpoint on anyone we just
help them understand that the narrow and legalistic reading
dallas former-member
support group
By Doug Duncan
My wife, Wendy, and I have been cofacilitating a monthly
support group for former cult members for about nine years.
We style this as a peer support group because, although we are
both mental health professionals (I am a counselor and Wendy
is a social worker), we are both former cult members ourselves.
We do not charge anyone to participate—the group is free. Of
course, we have a responsibility as professionals to be mindful
of anyone who may be in crisis, and to respond appropriately
should the need arise. Moreover, we screen everyone carefully
before inviting them to the group so that the participants
can all be safe. The general rule is that the group is for former
members only, though there have been a few times when, with
the group’s prior permission, we have allowed family members
to participate.
The group meets for 2 hours, once a month. We meet in a space
that is generously provided by the local Episcopal Church to
which Wendy and I belong. There are times when we will start
the group off with some psychoeducation (normally focused
on something such as one of Robert Lifton’s eight criteria for
thought reform), but that is mostly to prime the pump for
discussion. We believe that the most helpful role of the group
is to provide space for people to tell their stories and receive
support and feedback from others who have been through
similar experiences and who will not judge them.
We have a list of group guidelines that we read aloud any
time a new member is in attendance. These are the standard
guidelines about confidentiality that one would expect. We
also explain that we are not a “confessions” group and remind
everyone to keep their boundaries. We are aware that many
people come from environments where they were required to
share every detail of their lives and even their thoughts, and
we try to show them by word and deed how that is neither
necessary nor healthy. Therefore, we emphasize everyone’s
right not to share anything that makes them uncomfortable,
and we stress to the group the importance of not prying and
not pressuring people to reveal something they do not wish to
discuss.
Also, since most of our members come out of cultic, Bible-
based groups, we emphasize that our group is not a Bible study
and that it is not appropriate to preach to people or try to foist
religious views on them. The group is to respect where each
member happens to be on life’s journey. We seek to uphold
each person’s autonomy and the right to work out for oneself
what one believes. The point of the group is to uphold each
member’s dignity and worth as a unique person—dignity and
worth that has been trampled on by the narcissistic leaders and
abusive cults the members have been entangled with in their
pasts.
Nevertheless, I would be remiss if we did not acknowledge that,
even with this stated purpose, our group does have a little bit of
a Christian flavor to it. I can think of at least three reasons this is
so, and there are probably others.
First, and probably most important, Wendy and I remain
Christians ourselves. To be sure, the type of Christianity we
practice today is light years away from what we were involved
in as cult members nevertheless, we are members in good
standing of a mainstream, denominational Christian church.
While we do not go out of our way to make a point of this,
neither do we hide it. Finding a healthy way to “do church”
has been a part of our journey, and it is a theme in our story
of healing and redemption. Although many, probably most,
people coming out of destructive Bible-based groups do not
find their way back to a healthy involvement in church, it can
be helpful for those who do. It certainly has been so in our case.
As members come to know us, they inevitably see us in the
context of our own history and path out of a cult.
Second, the people who have come to our group are
overwhelmingly refugees from Christian cults. Lately we have
had some folks from Eastern groups and from Scientology, but
over time it has been mostly folks fleeing Bible groups. People
from such groups are often still quite focused on figuring out
what the Bible really means, and how their group could have
gotten it all so confused. It is common for such people to
want to continue believing in Jesus Christ, and they are often
wrestling with the proof texts and twisted Scriptures their
group used to control them. That is something that Wendy
and I can help with. Although we do not preach or even teach
the Bible in our groups, we feel comfortable offering people
alternative ways to interpret the Scriptures—especially if there
is a particular “clobber verse” they are getting hung up on.
Again, we do not want to foist our viewpoint on anyone we just
help them understand that the narrow and legalistic reading
dallas former-member
support group
By Doug Duncan
