Cultic Studies Review, Vol. 5, No. 6, 2006, Page 65
the Jehovah‘s Witnesses forbid. In that cult, as in others, family love flows from a narrow
faucet and the ―organization‖ can close the spigot at any moment.
Brenda Lee will leave home to make her way in the world not only bereft of normal family
support, but struggling to make sense of relationships after her family‘s conversion derailed
her emotional development.
This is the narrative into which she invites us. Although the prose is uneven, the author‘s
voice is so strong and sympathetic that early on her story becomes gripping. Largely
because she is so courageously transparent, we care about this lonely girl and angry
adolescent we cheer for her as she throws lifelines of friendship out of the cult in her
struggle to be free of a past that has damaged her more than she will fully realize for years.
We feel the frustration and heartache that accompanies her marriage to an indifferent and
unsupportive man who leaves her with full responsibility for their infant son.
It is at this point the narrative bogs down and could have used serious editing. It is often
hard to follow the chronology of the events Lee describes as she struggles to find the
daycare help necessary for her to support herself and her baby. Despite the editorial
glitches of some portions of the story, many women will strongly empathize with what she
calls the ―Daycare Nightmare.‖ A standalone book on the subject would not be a bad idea
for her next project.
This portion of the book might seem to some readers a long and unnecessary detour from
Lee‘s narrative, until we remember to ask why this struggling young mother is in this
predicament. Having left the Jehovah‘s Witnesses myself and having been divorced with two
of my children still in elementary school, I understand what it is like for a child to be without
parental support. And now, as a grandmother who assists nearly daily with childcare for my
own children‘s children, I recognize the simple, practical value of these ties that cults so
callously cut. With sadness, I observe that we could multiply by thousands this lament of
Brenda Lee:
When I look back on our lives, I truly regret that my family missed out on
getting to know Derek. They never experienced his first steps, first tooth,
first word, first bike ride or first day of school. They never knew what it was
like to watch him hunt Easter eggs and squeal with delight when he found
one, proudly tie his shoes, or struggle to write his name. They never
attended his school plays, brought him homemade soup when he was ill or
watched him wildly tear open his Christmas presents after weeks of
anticipation. Surely they must feel a void in their lives.
And what has Derek missed? What have the Jehovah‘s Witnesses stolen from
him? He‘ll never know the joy of making cookies with Grandma, being spoiled
on a shopping trip by Grandpa, or hearing stories of how Grandma and
Grandpa met and fell in love. He‘ll never share an overnight visit with them,
never frequent the homestead where his mother grew up and never come to
know, never even meet, his cousins, uncle or aunt. (p. 172)
Some former Witnesses will be disappointed with Out of the Cocoon‘s lack of attention to
theology—to questions of religious truth. This apparent lack is because, for many former
members, theological questions were uppermost in their minds and were the main reasons
for their departure from the organization. These people have written a number of memoirs
that deal with those issues. But Brenda Lee‘s account is different, and refreshingly so, in
focusing almost entirely on relationship issues. For this reason, it is likely to appeal to many
former members of other high-demand groups who would surely echo this cry of the heart:
―[S]hould any religion have the right to scoop out an individual‘s identity and dismantle
the Jehovah‘s Witnesses forbid. In that cult, as in others, family love flows from a narrow
faucet and the ―organization‖ can close the spigot at any moment.
Brenda Lee will leave home to make her way in the world not only bereft of normal family
support, but struggling to make sense of relationships after her family‘s conversion derailed
her emotional development.
This is the narrative into which she invites us. Although the prose is uneven, the author‘s
voice is so strong and sympathetic that early on her story becomes gripping. Largely
because she is so courageously transparent, we care about this lonely girl and angry
adolescent we cheer for her as she throws lifelines of friendship out of the cult in her
struggle to be free of a past that has damaged her more than she will fully realize for years.
We feel the frustration and heartache that accompanies her marriage to an indifferent and
unsupportive man who leaves her with full responsibility for their infant son.
It is at this point the narrative bogs down and could have used serious editing. It is often
hard to follow the chronology of the events Lee describes as she struggles to find the
daycare help necessary for her to support herself and her baby. Despite the editorial
glitches of some portions of the story, many women will strongly empathize with what she
calls the ―Daycare Nightmare.‖ A standalone book on the subject would not be a bad idea
for her next project.
This portion of the book might seem to some readers a long and unnecessary detour from
Lee‘s narrative, until we remember to ask why this struggling young mother is in this
predicament. Having left the Jehovah‘s Witnesses myself and having been divorced with two
of my children still in elementary school, I understand what it is like for a child to be without
parental support. And now, as a grandmother who assists nearly daily with childcare for my
own children‘s children, I recognize the simple, practical value of these ties that cults so
callously cut. With sadness, I observe that we could multiply by thousands this lament of
Brenda Lee:
When I look back on our lives, I truly regret that my family missed out on
getting to know Derek. They never experienced his first steps, first tooth,
first word, first bike ride or first day of school. They never knew what it was
like to watch him hunt Easter eggs and squeal with delight when he found
one, proudly tie his shoes, or struggle to write his name. They never
attended his school plays, brought him homemade soup when he was ill or
watched him wildly tear open his Christmas presents after weeks of
anticipation. Surely they must feel a void in their lives.
And what has Derek missed? What have the Jehovah‘s Witnesses stolen from
him? He‘ll never know the joy of making cookies with Grandma, being spoiled
on a shopping trip by Grandpa, or hearing stories of how Grandma and
Grandpa met and fell in love. He‘ll never share an overnight visit with them,
never frequent the homestead where his mother grew up and never come to
know, never even meet, his cousins, uncle or aunt. (p. 172)
Some former Witnesses will be disappointed with Out of the Cocoon‘s lack of attention to
theology—to questions of religious truth. This apparent lack is because, for many former
members, theological questions were uppermost in their minds and were the main reasons
for their departure from the organization. These people have written a number of memoirs
that deal with those issues. But Brenda Lee‘s account is different, and refreshingly so, in
focusing almost entirely on relationship issues. For this reason, it is likely to appeal to many
former members of other high-demand groups who would surely echo this cry of the heart:
―[S]hould any religion have the right to scoop out an individual‘s identity and dismantle
