7
• Is your partner using intimidation and threats to get
what she wants from you?
• Do you feel that your privacy is invaded when you are
talking on the phone?
• Do you feel stalked?
• Is there an unhealthy dependence between you and
your partner?
• Is any form of abuse, whether emotional or physical,
occurring in your relationship?
• Does this person steer you into isolation by dissuading
you from socializing with friends and being around
your relatives?
Warning Signs That a Friend or Family Member Is
Suffering
Often, people do not self-disclose that they are in a relationship
where any of the above is occurring. These are some of the
telltale signs of such a relationship: [Note: Some of these signs
may also indicate other conditions, including health issues.
Appropriate professionals should be consulted.]
• Appearing fatigued or having insomnia, without
explanation
• Showing drastic changes in appetite and eating habits
• Having difficulty making decisions—e.g., cannot think
for one’s self, not even for seemingly small matters, such
as deciding among choices of clothing
• Demonstrating loss of memory about recent events,
names, or places
• Responding with hypersensitivity to seemingly small
matters
• Showing symptoms of moodiness, frequent crying,
depression, or anxiety
• Insisting on isolation, or the opposite—having difficulty
with being alone or
• Reflecting a change in behavior that seems
uncharacteristic, such as an increase in risk-taking
behavior.
What to Do if You Are in a Controlling or Abusive
Relationship
• Talk to someone you trust, which could mean calling an
anonymous hotline or contacting medical personnel
• Take a break from, or break off the relationship before it
destroys you
• Limit contact once the relationship is severed
• Take legal action if necessary, such as obtaining an
order of protection that will give authorities the right
to arrest the abuser if he comes near you.
How to Respond to a Friend or Family Member in
Such a Relationship
• Do not rescue, or promise to rescue—doing so is
dangerous, and leaving the abuser is something your
friend should do on his own.
• Listen to everything the friend or family member says,
and retain descriptive details, such as where he was,
what he said, what he wore.
• Report suspicious information to either local or
national hotlines or to the police. Many hotlines
provide assistance for domestic violence and for
human trafficking.
• As a friend to one who is controlled or abused, do not
judge the person for staying with the partner.
• Encourage the person to leave his partner, but do not
be demanding. n
Notes
[1] LifeWay Network Inc., PO Box 754215, Forest Hills, NY 11375
www.LifeWayNetwork.org
[2] LifeWay Network Inc., PO Box 754215, Forest Hills, NY 11375
www.LifeWayNetwork.org
[3] ICSA Today, Vol. 8, No. 1, 2017, pp. 12–16.
[4] Oregon Review of International Law, 17 205 (2016).
About the Authors
Robin Boyle Laisure, JD, Professor of Legal
Writing at St. John’s University School of
Law, lectures on topics concerning cults
and the law. Her articles include “Employing
Trafficking Laws to Capture Elusive Leaders
of Destructive Cults” (Oregon Review of
International Law, 2016), “Current Status of
Federal Law Concerning Violent Crimes Against Women and
Children: Implications for Cult Victims” (Cultic Studies Review,
2002), “How Children in Cults May Use Emancipation Laws to
Free Themselves” (Cultic Studies Journal, 1999), and “Women,
the Law, and Cults: Three Avenues of Legal Recourse—New
Rape Laws, Violence Against Women Act, and Antistalking
Laws” (Cultic Studies Journal, 1998). In 2005, she received the
Faculty Outstanding Achievement award from the President of
St. John’s University, and she is on the Editorial Board of ICSA’s
International Journal of Cultic Studies.
Andrea Laisure graduated from the Garden
City High School in New York in June, 2017
and will be attending Muhlenberg College
in Pennsylvania in the fall. In conjunction
with her Gold Award Project (Girl Scout
Troop 1128), she has spoken to audiences of
parents and teens in the United States and
abroad about staying safe from toxic relationships. n
VOLUME 8 |ISSUE 3 |2017
• Is your partner using intimidation and threats to get
what she wants from you?
• Do you feel that your privacy is invaded when you are
talking on the phone?
• Do you feel stalked?
• Is there an unhealthy dependence between you and
your partner?
• Is any form of abuse, whether emotional or physical,
occurring in your relationship?
• Does this person steer you into isolation by dissuading
you from socializing with friends and being around
your relatives?
Warning Signs That a Friend or Family Member Is
Suffering
Often, people do not self-disclose that they are in a relationship
where any of the above is occurring. These are some of the
telltale signs of such a relationship: [Note: Some of these signs
may also indicate other conditions, including health issues.
Appropriate professionals should be consulted.]
• Appearing fatigued or having insomnia, without
explanation
• Showing drastic changes in appetite and eating habits
• Having difficulty making decisions—e.g., cannot think
for one’s self, not even for seemingly small matters, such
as deciding among choices of clothing
• Demonstrating loss of memory about recent events,
names, or places
• Responding with hypersensitivity to seemingly small
matters
• Showing symptoms of moodiness, frequent crying,
depression, or anxiety
• Insisting on isolation, or the opposite—having difficulty
with being alone or
• Reflecting a change in behavior that seems
uncharacteristic, such as an increase in risk-taking
behavior.
What to Do if You Are in a Controlling or Abusive
Relationship
• Talk to someone you trust, which could mean calling an
anonymous hotline or contacting medical personnel
• Take a break from, or break off the relationship before it
destroys you
• Limit contact once the relationship is severed
• Take legal action if necessary, such as obtaining an
order of protection that will give authorities the right
to arrest the abuser if he comes near you.
How to Respond to a Friend or Family Member in
Such a Relationship
• Do not rescue, or promise to rescue—doing so is
dangerous, and leaving the abuser is something your
friend should do on his own.
• Listen to everything the friend or family member says,
and retain descriptive details, such as where he was,
what he said, what he wore.
• Report suspicious information to either local or
national hotlines or to the police. Many hotlines
provide assistance for domestic violence and for
human trafficking.
• As a friend to one who is controlled or abused, do not
judge the person for staying with the partner.
• Encourage the person to leave his partner, but do not
be demanding. n
Notes
[1] LifeWay Network Inc., PO Box 754215, Forest Hills, NY 11375
www.LifeWayNetwork.org
[2] LifeWay Network Inc., PO Box 754215, Forest Hills, NY 11375
www.LifeWayNetwork.org
[3] ICSA Today, Vol. 8, No. 1, 2017, pp. 12–16.
[4] Oregon Review of International Law, 17 205 (2016).
About the Authors
Robin Boyle Laisure, JD, Professor of Legal
Writing at St. John’s University School of
Law, lectures on topics concerning cults
and the law. Her articles include “Employing
Trafficking Laws to Capture Elusive Leaders
of Destructive Cults” (Oregon Review of
International Law, 2016), “Current Status of
Federal Law Concerning Violent Crimes Against Women and
Children: Implications for Cult Victims” (Cultic Studies Review,
2002), “How Children in Cults May Use Emancipation Laws to
Free Themselves” (Cultic Studies Journal, 1999), and “Women,
the Law, and Cults: Three Avenues of Legal Recourse—New
Rape Laws, Violence Against Women Act, and Antistalking
Laws” (Cultic Studies Journal, 1998). In 2005, she received the
Faculty Outstanding Achievement award from the President of
St. John’s University, and she is on the Editorial Board of ICSA’s
International Journal of Cultic Studies.
Andrea Laisure graduated from the Garden
City High School in New York in June, 2017
and will be attending Muhlenberg College
in Pennsylvania in the fall. In conjunction
with her Gold Award Project (Girl Scout
Troop 1128), she has spoken to audiences of
parents and teens in the United States and
abroad about staying safe from toxic relationships. n
VOLUME 8 |ISSUE 3 |2017
