VOLUME 3 |NUMBER 2 |2012 11
more time to think without others putting pressure upon
me to conform. I knew full well that Pastor Al would not go
along with a leave of absence. That’s because a chief
directive of the group was that it was God’s will to stay in
the group for the rest of your life. If you left before dying,
God might be so upset by your “breaking covenant” that
you might have a car accident or get a sickness such as
cancer and die or, at the very least, your marriage would
end in divorce. Leaving the group was on the same level
as committing the unpardonable sin.
Al wanted me to make my announcement in front of the
group. He wanted me to state that I was willingly stepping
down from leadership. But that just wasn’t true. I would
have to lie. I wouldn’t be able to step down willingly. I was
being asked to do the unreasonable. Several days later, Al
called on the phone and offered to help me write my
announcement, to ensure that it would be expressed to the
congregation in the right way, and that I would present it in
a way that would preserve my prospects for future ministry.
Al’s offer to help prompted an idea. My plan was simple:
Take Al up on his offer, read the version he wanted me to
give, and then go on and say what I really wanted to say.
Easter Sunday: It was expected that I would fully comply as
I always had. I stood up and read the announcement that
Al had worded. I then went on to say,
However, I am not comfortable or at peace with these
plans. I have many doubts about many things. Perhaps it
is just me, but I need more time and space to think about
these matters. I checked with the New York State Police,
and they said I only have to comply if I want to.
I ended by addressing Al: “Will you grant a leave of
absence?”
“Gary, this is all a surprise to me I didn’t know anything
about this. I-I-I don’t know. I will need some time to pray
about this.
I went through with my plan: “Well then, I am taking a
leave of absence.”
Before I could finish, my wife and two children had scurried
across the room to good shepherd Al’s side, desperately
hoping for some direction from him. Those few moments
drastically altered what had been our family. Our severed
and wounded relationships were now hanging on only by
a thread.
On Thursday, four nights after my announcement, my wife,
son, and daughter confronted me at the front door as I came
home from work. They were sure that God had given my
9-year-old daughter a vision. My daughter saw the devil
tying me up with ropes, deceiving me, and holding me
firmly in his grip. The vision was proof positive for my family:
They were right and I was wrong. They pleaded with me that
I should humble myself, repent, and return to the group.
I made numerous attempts to share with my family the
concerns I had about the cult-like dynamics within the
group, but my efforts were futile. Each and every time, my
family answered like a recorded message. They did not want
to be deceived by the devil as I had been they didn’t want
to hear this kind of talk.
I was not alone in my efforts. Linda’s father had spent hours
finding and printing 99 pages of information about cults
from various Web sites. He sent the package and asked
Linda to look it over. She refused she never read one
sentence. Sometime later, he asked her again, threatening
that she would be written out of his will if she didn’t at least
look it over. But for Linda to expose herself to this outside
influence would have been listening to the devil.
Physically, I was able to leave the group but a lot of the
group was still in me, living with me as a daily reminder.
Recovery is more than not attending any longer. It took
me 9 months to start feeling comfortable with my decision.
It took me 2 years to be sure my reasons and motives for
leaving were valid.
Four years later, troubled about my family’s continuing
involvement, having no new friends, and not being able to
find a supportive church, I emailed Wellspring, the retreat
center in Ohio I had read about that helped former cult
members with lingering issues. I was invited to come for a
2-week stay, which a generous grant from understanding
donors made possible.
During my stay, I met daily with Ron, a Christian psychologist
and counselor, and a former cult member himself. As I drove
home from Wellspring, I could sense that, at age 47, the
decision-making, OK, adult “me” had just come to life.
Now, I know that cults and controlling personalities do
exist. Brainwashing is real. Cults exert a psychological and
manipulative hold on individuals that is tenacious,
sometimes impossible to penetrate. To illustrate how real
it all is, even 10 years later, I see no signs of hope that my
family will ever leave.
Normally, you, your family members, and your friends may
not be vulnerable to being recruited into a cult. However,
all it takes is the right combination of an astute cult recruiter
and common stressful events such as moving, starting
college, changing jobs, getting married or divorced, facing
financial woes, giving birth, or grieving over a death in the
family.
In closing, I’d like to urge you to consider several things:
• Cults are not as rare as you might think.
• Be streetwise about cults. Know the earmarks. You might
even consider reading a book about cults.
• Upon first impression, cult recruiters may seem nicer than
some of the people you know. They are trained to be that
way for a purpose.
• Getting involved in a cult is easy getting out never is.
Note
1. See Robert J. Lifton’s Thought Reform and the Psychology of
Totalism (1989), Chapter 22, for a discussion of these dynamics.
more time to think without others putting pressure upon
me to conform. I knew full well that Pastor Al would not go
along with a leave of absence. That’s because a chief
directive of the group was that it was God’s will to stay in
the group for the rest of your life. If you left before dying,
God might be so upset by your “breaking covenant” that
you might have a car accident or get a sickness such as
cancer and die or, at the very least, your marriage would
end in divorce. Leaving the group was on the same level
as committing the unpardonable sin.
Al wanted me to make my announcement in front of the
group. He wanted me to state that I was willingly stepping
down from leadership. But that just wasn’t true. I would
have to lie. I wouldn’t be able to step down willingly. I was
being asked to do the unreasonable. Several days later, Al
called on the phone and offered to help me write my
announcement, to ensure that it would be expressed to the
congregation in the right way, and that I would present it in
a way that would preserve my prospects for future ministry.
Al’s offer to help prompted an idea. My plan was simple:
Take Al up on his offer, read the version he wanted me to
give, and then go on and say what I really wanted to say.
Easter Sunday: It was expected that I would fully comply as
I always had. I stood up and read the announcement that
Al had worded. I then went on to say,
However, I am not comfortable or at peace with these
plans. I have many doubts about many things. Perhaps it
is just me, but I need more time and space to think about
these matters. I checked with the New York State Police,
and they said I only have to comply if I want to.
I ended by addressing Al: “Will you grant a leave of
absence?”
“Gary, this is all a surprise to me I didn’t know anything
about this. I-I-I don’t know. I will need some time to pray
about this.
I went through with my plan: “Well then, I am taking a
leave of absence.”
Before I could finish, my wife and two children had scurried
across the room to good shepherd Al’s side, desperately
hoping for some direction from him. Those few moments
drastically altered what had been our family. Our severed
and wounded relationships were now hanging on only by
a thread.
On Thursday, four nights after my announcement, my wife,
son, and daughter confronted me at the front door as I came
home from work. They were sure that God had given my
9-year-old daughter a vision. My daughter saw the devil
tying me up with ropes, deceiving me, and holding me
firmly in his grip. The vision was proof positive for my family:
They were right and I was wrong. They pleaded with me that
I should humble myself, repent, and return to the group.
I made numerous attempts to share with my family the
concerns I had about the cult-like dynamics within the
group, but my efforts were futile. Each and every time, my
family answered like a recorded message. They did not want
to be deceived by the devil as I had been they didn’t want
to hear this kind of talk.
I was not alone in my efforts. Linda’s father had spent hours
finding and printing 99 pages of information about cults
from various Web sites. He sent the package and asked
Linda to look it over. She refused she never read one
sentence. Sometime later, he asked her again, threatening
that she would be written out of his will if she didn’t at least
look it over. But for Linda to expose herself to this outside
influence would have been listening to the devil.
Physically, I was able to leave the group but a lot of the
group was still in me, living with me as a daily reminder.
Recovery is more than not attending any longer. It took
me 9 months to start feeling comfortable with my decision.
It took me 2 years to be sure my reasons and motives for
leaving were valid.
Four years later, troubled about my family’s continuing
involvement, having no new friends, and not being able to
find a supportive church, I emailed Wellspring, the retreat
center in Ohio I had read about that helped former cult
members with lingering issues. I was invited to come for a
2-week stay, which a generous grant from understanding
donors made possible.
During my stay, I met daily with Ron, a Christian psychologist
and counselor, and a former cult member himself. As I drove
home from Wellspring, I could sense that, at age 47, the
decision-making, OK, adult “me” had just come to life.
Now, I know that cults and controlling personalities do
exist. Brainwashing is real. Cults exert a psychological and
manipulative hold on individuals that is tenacious,
sometimes impossible to penetrate. To illustrate how real
it all is, even 10 years later, I see no signs of hope that my
family will ever leave.
Normally, you, your family members, and your friends may
not be vulnerable to being recruited into a cult. However,
all it takes is the right combination of an astute cult recruiter
and common stressful events such as moving, starting
college, changing jobs, getting married or divorced, facing
financial woes, giving birth, or grieving over a death in the
family.
In closing, I’d like to urge you to consider several things:
• Cults are not as rare as you might think.
• Be streetwise about cults. Know the earmarks. You might
even consider reading a book about cults.
• Upon first impression, cult recruiters may seem nicer than
some of the people you know. They are trained to be that
way for a purpose.
• Getting involved in a cult is easy getting out never is.
Note
1. See Robert J. Lifton’s Thought Reform and the Psychology of
Totalism (1989), Chapter 22, for a discussion of these dynamics.
