22 ICSA TODAY
Book Review
The Limits of Forgiveness:
Case Studies in the
Distortion of a Biblical
Ideal
By Maria Mayo
Fortress Press, 2015. ISBN-10: 1451493088 ISBN-13:
978-1451493085 (paperback). $31.68 (Amazon.com)
(Kindle, $22.99). 276 pages.
Reviewed by Doug Duncan
In the monthly support group for former cult members that
my wife, Wendy, and I facilitate, the topic of forgiving your
former cult leader and the leader’s accomplices arises pretty
regularly. This seems to be a particularly salient issue for
people who identify as Christians because it is a prominent
theme in the teaching of the church. Indeed, the Lord’s Prayer
even has a line that says, “Forgive us our trespasses, as we
forgive those who trespass against us.” People often believe
that they are obligated to grant forgiveness to someone who
has harmed them, regardless of whether that person has
repented or even asked for forgiveness. To complicate matters
even further, there is the pop-psychology perspective that
views forgiveness as necessary for self-healing.
Wendy and I have always intuited that there is something
wrong with this approach, and we have understood that, at
the very least, people need to be encouraged to take all the
time they need to forgive, and to allow themselves permission
to be angry in the meantime. I often tell the story of C.S. Lewis,
in his dotage, saying that he thinks he has finally managed
to forgive the school master who tormented him in his
youth. If C.S. Lewis had such a hard time arriving at genuine
forgiveness, then maybe there is room for our support-group
members to allow themselves time to process what they have
endured.
Thankfully, we now have more than our own therapeutic
instincts to bolster this view. In The Limits of Forgiveness:
Case Studies in the Distortion of a Biblical Ideal, Maria Mayo
does a masterful job of laying out what is wrong with the
common understanding of forgiveness, and she illuminates
the misinterpretation and misapplication of what the Bible
actually teaches on this difficult topic.
The topic is personal to Mayo. When she was a young woman,
she was attacked in her home by an intruder and nearly
beaten to death. After suffering this horrific trauma, she awoke
from a coma and was further victimized by well-meaning but
insensitive people, who would tell her things such as “You
will never be fully healed until you forgive the man who did
this.” She knew this was wrong, just as Wendy and I know
that people in our group are missing something in their
understanding of forgiveness. Fortunately, Mayo is a trained
theologian and a skilled writer, so she is able to explore the
subject with depth and insight. She states her purpose in
her introduction: “This book seeks to examine and provide
alternatives to Christian forgiveness imperatives that are
presented to victims of wrongdoing in general and violence in
particular” (p. 2).
Mayo explores the issue of pressuring victims to forgive across
three contexts: the restorative justice movement, the Truth
and Reconciliation Commission in South Africa as that country
was transitioning out of apartheid and into democratic rule,
and in the process of pastoral care for victims of domestic
violence. In all of these cases, she shows how victims are
pressured into granting forgiveness in the name of a Biblical
ideal, but then she shows how the Bible is being misread and
misinterpreted in support of a modern concept of unilateral
forgiveness that is not the same as what the Scripture really
teaches.
Certainly, the issue of what the Bible really teaches about
forgiveness may not be germane—or even interesting—to
people who do not think of themselves as Christians, but it
is of paramount importance to those of us who do. If Mayo
is correct, then much of what is taught in our churches is,
indeed, the distortion of a Biblical ideal. She examines all
of the major passages, and finds nothing to support the
modern concept of forgiveness for self-healing. Forgiveness
in the Scriptures is almost always spoken of in the context of
restoring broken relationships and requires repentance by the
wrongdoer. Without that repentance, there is really nothing
to forgive. Also, she shows instances in which Jesus seemed to
instruct his disciples that forgiveness is optional, and she has
a thoughtful interpretation of Jesus’s notable prayer on the
cross, “Father, forgive them for they do not know what they
are doing.”
Through it all, Mayo takes a high view of Scripture. She
respects the text, and really tries to uncover the correct
reading. In fact, she makes the case (convincingly, in my view)
that the purveyors of the conventional wisdom are the ones
…she shows how victims
are pressured into granting
forgiveness in the name of
a Biblical ideal, but then she
shows how the Bible is being
misread and misinterpreted…
Book Review
The Limits of Forgiveness:
Case Studies in the
Distortion of a Biblical
Ideal
By Maria Mayo
Fortress Press, 2015. ISBN-10: 1451493088 ISBN-13:
978-1451493085 (paperback). $31.68 (Amazon.com)
(Kindle, $22.99). 276 pages.
Reviewed by Doug Duncan
In the monthly support group for former cult members that
my wife, Wendy, and I facilitate, the topic of forgiving your
former cult leader and the leader’s accomplices arises pretty
regularly. This seems to be a particularly salient issue for
people who identify as Christians because it is a prominent
theme in the teaching of the church. Indeed, the Lord’s Prayer
even has a line that says, “Forgive us our trespasses, as we
forgive those who trespass against us.” People often believe
that they are obligated to grant forgiveness to someone who
has harmed them, regardless of whether that person has
repented or even asked for forgiveness. To complicate matters
even further, there is the pop-psychology perspective that
views forgiveness as necessary for self-healing.
Wendy and I have always intuited that there is something
wrong with this approach, and we have understood that, at
the very least, people need to be encouraged to take all the
time they need to forgive, and to allow themselves permission
to be angry in the meantime. I often tell the story of C.S. Lewis,
in his dotage, saying that he thinks he has finally managed
to forgive the school master who tormented him in his
youth. If C.S. Lewis had such a hard time arriving at genuine
forgiveness, then maybe there is room for our support-group
members to allow themselves time to process what they have
endured.
Thankfully, we now have more than our own therapeutic
instincts to bolster this view. In The Limits of Forgiveness:
Case Studies in the Distortion of a Biblical Ideal, Maria Mayo
does a masterful job of laying out what is wrong with the
common understanding of forgiveness, and she illuminates
the misinterpretation and misapplication of what the Bible
actually teaches on this difficult topic.
The topic is personal to Mayo. When she was a young woman,
she was attacked in her home by an intruder and nearly
beaten to death. After suffering this horrific trauma, she awoke
from a coma and was further victimized by well-meaning but
insensitive people, who would tell her things such as “You
will never be fully healed until you forgive the man who did
this.” She knew this was wrong, just as Wendy and I know
that people in our group are missing something in their
understanding of forgiveness. Fortunately, Mayo is a trained
theologian and a skilled writer, so she is able to explore the
subject with depth and insight. She states her purpose in
her introduction: “This book seeks to examine and provide
alternatives to Christian forgiveness imperatives that are
presented to victims of wrongdoing in general and violence in
particular” (p. 2).
Mayo explores the issue of pressuring victims to forgive across
three contexts: the restorative justice movement, the Truth
and Reconciliation Commission in South Africa as that country
was transitioning out of apartheid and into democratic rule,
and in the process of pastoral care for victims of domestic
violence. In all of these cases, she shows how victims are
pressured into granting forgiveness in the name of a Biblical
ideal, but then she shows how the Bible is being misread and
misinterpreted in support of a modern concept of unilateral
forgiveness that is not the same as what the Scripture really
teaches.
Certainly, the issue of what the Bible really teaches about
forgiveness may not be germane—or even interesting—to
people who do not think of themselves as Christians, but it
is of paramount importance to those of us who do. If Mayo
is correct, then much of what is taught in our churches is,
indeed, the distortion of a Biblical ideal. She examines all
of the major passages, and finds nothing to support the
modern concept of forgiveness for self-healing. Forgiveness
in the Scriptures is almost always spoken of in the context of
restoring broken relationships and requires repentance by the
wrongdoer. Without that repentance, there is really nothing
to forgive. Also, she shows instances in which Jesus seemed to
instruct his disciples that forgiveness is optional, and she has
a thoughtful interpretation of Jesus’s notable prayer on the
cross, “Father, forgive them for they do not know what they
are doing.”
Through it all, Mayo takes a high view of Scripture. She
respects the text, and really tries to uncover the correct
reading. In fact, she makes the case (convincingly, in my view)
that the purveyors of the conventional wisdom are the ones
…she shows how victims
are pressured into granting
forgiveness in the name of
a Biblical ideal, but then she
shows how the Bible is being
misread and misinterpreted…
