7 VOLUME 11 |ISSUE 2 |2020
Stereotypes of domestic violence (DV) or intimate-partner
violence (IPV) and cults differ significantly. The popular
concept of DV or IPV is physical abuse perpetrated by a man on
his intimate partner, while most people hearing the word cult
envisage a socially deviant lifestyle, zealous devotion to a guru
figure, and mass suicide. Although neither stereotype is accurate
or inclusive of all the nuances of the phenomena they reference,
in both DV and IPV, and in cultic relationships generally, a
dynamic of dominance and subjugation is at the core.
The cult leader or domestic abuser hones in on his1 target’s
vulnerabilities, positions himself as a parent figure, and
mounts a campaign of disempowerment to create childlike
dependency. Inspiring both love and fear, he uses coercive
control to maintain an addictive trauma bond (Dutton &
Painter, 1993) while artfully blocking any routes of escape. The
cultic abuser often presents with symptoms of three psychiatric
disorders, which work synergistically: narcissistic and antisocial
personality disorders, and delusional disorder, grandiose type
(i.e., messiah complex or megalomania). Character traits of
these diseases (e.g., lack of empathy, entitlement, disregard
for others’ safety) (American Psychiatric Association, 2013)
permit him to abuse such human rights as safety, adequate
food, shelter, rest, fair compensation for labor, and respect
for human dignity. With coercive tactics, he causes his victim
to relinquish her own best interests, exploiting her to gain
perquisites such as labor, material assets, sex, childbearing,
adoration, and power, among others. The two systems have
much in common, such as a distorted sense of commitment
and obligation, authoritarian rules with severe punishments,
egregious personal boundary violations, and a façade
developed for outsiders. Therefore, I suggest that (a) cults may
be characterized as DV in a fabricated family, and (b) DV or IPV
may be characterized as a one-on-one cult.
During my two decades with the guru of a small, New Age cult
in New York City, I experienced both interpersonal violence and
cultic abuse. In the following, I refer to the domestic abuser
and the cultic abuser interchangeably, and I illustrate both
from my personal experience as portrayed in my published
account of these years, The Cult Next Door: A Manhattan
Memoir (2017). My journey progressed through four stages: (1)
deceptive recruitment, (2) totalistic indoctrination, (3) coercive
maintenance, and (4) emancipative emigration.2
Stage 1: Deceptive Recruitment
During the first stage, a relationship is initiated between
the abuser and the victim. Highly attuned to vulnerability
and naiveté, the cultic leader/domestic abuser presents an
authoritative and benevolent front. Addressing her needs,
wants, and hopes, he grooms her through deft manipulation of
thoughts, emotions, and behaviors.
Manipulation of Thought
The relationship begins with a sales pitch. Spinning
propaganda and false promises, the abuser speaks to the
heart’s desires of the victim—perhaps love, community, wealth,
solutions to her problems, answers to life’s big questions, or
even unending bliss.
I met the guru, George, in 1977 during my
Thanksgiving vacation from Swarthmore College,
where I was a pre-med student. A parentified only
child deprived of love, I was the perfect target—
swiss cheese and desperate to fill the holes. George
was a biofeedback technician on staff in the office
of a Manhattan psychiatrist where my mother had
scheduled me to receive stress reduction treatments.
George seemed gentle, thoughtful, and wise. He
painted himself as a spiritual seeker bushwhacking a
path to freedom from current and inevitable future
disasters. The problem lay in the “Program,” as he
dubbed it. “We are trained like robots, blocking us
from reaching our true potential. Scientists have
proven we only use 3% of the brain I’m going to wake
up the other 97%.” To me, his novel perspective was
brimming with potential. I had to know more. Later,
I discovered that his “unique” philosophies were a
concoction of New Age principles garnered from
popular self-help books and a weekend spent at an
EST seminar. (Burchard, 2020)
Manipulation of Emotion
The abuser exudes confidence, charm, and charisma. During
an initial honeymoon period, he represents himself as a safe
haven in which the target feels accepted, significant, and loved.
Chameleon-like, he transforms into whomever she needs him
to be (e.g., father, priest, advisor, lover), love-bombing her
with ingratiation and imposing activities that compromise
critical thinking, increase suggestibility, and intensify emotions
(e.g., sex, alcohol, drugs, chanting, dancing, praying, vigorous
exercise).
One day, George kissed me on the cheek. Instantly, I
was in love, and I knew he loved me too. He quickly
became father, mentor, and best friend. During
sessions, he taught me how to “focus.” We would stare
at each other, our eyes locked. Eventually, the room
filled with light, and I saw auras around everything. He
identified this as “universal life energy,” to which “the
dead robots in the Crazy World are too stupid to pay
attention.” Soon, he developed his signature “head-
spinning” where he shook his head back and forth
rapidly to release the “Energy,” a unique, intelligent
force that would clear out the Program and lead us
…in both DV and IPV, and in
cultic relationships generally,
a dynamic of dominance and
subjugation is at the core.
Stereotypes of domestic violence (DV) or intimate-partner
violence (IPV) and cults differ significantly. The popular
concept of DV or IPV is physical abuse perpetrated by a man on
his intimate partner, while most people hearing the word cult
envisage a socially deviant lifestyle, zealous devotion to a guru
figure, and mass suicide. Although neither stereotype is accurate
or inclusive of all the nuances of the phenomena they reference,
in both DV and IPV, and in cultic relationships generally, a
dynamic of dominance and subjugation is at the core.
The cult leader or domestic abuser hones in on his1 target’s
vulnerabilities, positions himself as a parent figure, and
mounts a campaign of disempowerment to create childlike
dependency. Inspiring both love and fear, he uses coercive
control to maintain an addictive trauma bond (Dutton &
Painter, 1993) while artfully blocking any routes of escape. The
cultic abuser often presents with symptoms of three psychiatric
disorders, which work synergistically: narcissistic and antisocial
personality disorders, and delusional disorder, grandiose type
(i.e., messiah complex or megalomania). Character traits of
these diseases (e.g., lack of empathy, entitlement, disregard
for others’ safety) (American Psychiatric Association, 2013)
permit him to abuse such human rights as safety, adequate
food, shelter, rest, fair compensation for labor, and respect
for human dignity. With coercive tactics, he causes his victim
to relinquish her own best interests, exploiting her to gain
perquisites such as labor, material assets, sex, childbearing,
adoration, and power, among others. The two systems have
much in common, such as a distorted sense of commitment
and obligation, authoritarian rules with severe punishments,
egregious personal boundary violations, and a façade
developed for outsiders. Therefore, I suggest that (a) cults may
be characterized as DV in a fabricated family, and (b) DV or IPV
may be characterized as a one-on-one cult.
During my two decades with the guru of a small, New Age cult
in New York City, I experienced both interpersonal violence and
cultic abuse. In the following, I refer to the domestic abuser
and the cultic abuser interchangeably, and I illustrate both
from my personal experience as portrayed in my published
account of these years, The Cult Next Door: A Manhattan
Memoir (2017). My journey progressed through four stages: (1)
deceptive recruitment, (2) totalistic indoctrination, (3) coercive
maintenance, and (4) emancipative emigration.2
Stage 1: Deceptive Recruitment
During the first stage, a relationship is initiated between
the abuser and the victim. Highly attuned to vulnerability
and naiveté, the cultic leader/domestic abuser presents an
authoritative and benevolent front. Addressing her needs,
wants, and hopes, he grooms her through deft manipulation of
thoughts, emotions, and behaviors.
Manipulation of Thought
The relationship begins with a sales pitch. Spinning
propaganda and false promises, the abuser speaks to the
heart’s desires of the victim—perhaps love, community, wealth,
solutions to her problems, answers to life’s big questions, or
even unending bliss.
I met the guru, George, in 1977 during my
Thanksgiving vacation from Swarthmore College,
where I was a pre-med student. A parentified only
child deprived of love, I was the perfect target—
swiss cheese and desperate to fill the holes. George
was a biofeedback technician on staff in the office
of a Manhattan psychiatrist where my mother had
scheduled me to receive stress reduction treatments.
George seemed gentle, thoughtful, and wise. He
painted himself as a spiritual seeker bushwhacking a
path to freedom from current and inevitable future
disasters. The problem lay in the “Program,” as he
dubbed it. “We are trained like robots, blocking us
from reaching our true potential. Scientists have
proven we only use 3% of the brain I’m going to wake
up the other 97%.” To me, his novel perspective was
brimming with potential. I had to know more. Later,
I discovered that his “unique” philosophies were a
concoction of New Age principles garnered from
popular self-help books and a weekend spent at an
EST seminar. (Burchard, 2020)
Manipulation of Emotion
The abuser exudes confidence, charm, and charisma. During
an initial honeymoon period, he represents himself as a safe
haven in which the target feels accepted, significant, and loved.
Chameleon-like, he transforms into whomever she needs him
to be (e.g., father, priest, advisor, lover), love-bombing her
with ingratiation and imposing activities that compromise
critical thinking, increase suggestibility, and intensify emotions
(e.g., sex, alcohol, drugs, chanting, dancing, praying, vigorous
exercise).
One day, George kissed me on the cheek. Instantly, I
was in love, and I knew he loved me too. He quickly
became father, mentor, and best friend. During
sessions, he taught me how to “focus.” We would stare
at each other, our eyes locked. Eventually, the room
filled with light, and I saw auras around everything. He
identified this as “universal life energy,” to which “the
dead robots in the Crazy World are too stupid to pay
attention.” Soon, he developed his signature “head-
spinning” where he shook his head back and forth
rapidly to release the “Energy,” a unique, intelligent
force that would clear out the Program and lead us
…in both DV and IPV, and in
cultic relationships generally,
a dynamic of dominance and
subjugation is at the core.
