VOLUME 2 |NUMBER 1 |2011 17
Let’s Get Lost
T
he road past Merciful is busy only
during tourist season, when cars go by
on their way to the resorts and lakes.
I’m not supposed to go near the high-
way, but I keep going there anyway.
Usually I like to walk by the road
because it’s a good place to look for
animals and birds, but today I’ve come
here because I’ve got an idea I can’t
get out of my head. If I really want to
leave Merciful, all I would have to do is
walk down to the shoulder of that
road and stick out my thumb.
Right now I’m walking parallel to the
road but a little away from it. I’m nerv-
ous about getting any closer to the
road. I use two hands to keep the hem
of my dress lifted slightly, so it won’t
trail in the dirt when I step down into
one of the hollows or gopher holes in
the rough grass.
The turnoff onto the gravel road to
Merciful is marked by big signs saying
PRIVATE PROPERTY. DO NOT ENTER. I
have to walk past these signs to get
here and then I can walk out onto the
small hills at the base of the mountain.
In the early summer, like right now,
the grass gets dry and starts turning
brown. I’m going to get dust all over
my black patent leather shoes.
If I ran away from Merciful, it would be
the worst sin I could commit. The
Prophet says we should have as little
as possible to do with the Gentiles. If a
Gentile tries to talk to me while I’m out
walking, I’m supposed to turn around
without a word and run away, showing
him only the back of my long white
dress.
But today I don’t have a choice. No
matter what the Prophet says, I need
the Gentiles’ help. I just turned four-
teen, and that means I’m old enough
to be a celestial wife. The Prophet left
yesterday to go back to Utah, and he
almost certainly left instructions with
the file leader, Shem Filmore, about
what should be done with girls like
me. If so, today I will be told the name
of the man I’m to marry.
But now that I’m down near the road,
I’m afraid to take the step that would
get me away from here. The wind ruf-
fles my hair and I can smell the deli-
cate, earthy scent of the grasses as the
last of the dew dries off them. I look
down toward the road, but can’t bring
myself to go any closer, let alone start
hitchhiking. What if someone picks me
up and something awful happens?
Again and again Elder Filmore has
warned us about the evils of the Gen-
tiles. But I don’t really want to go back
to Merciful, either.
I don’t want to be a celestial wife. At
least, not until I finish school. Maybe
never.
Above me a hawk circles in the pale
blue sky, watching out for hares,
gophers, or mice. I squint from the
sun, and can only make out the black
and white markings on the hawk’s
brown wings as he circles the sky,
keeping watch.
When I was a little girl I looked forward
to becoming a celestial wife. I thought
it would be a wonderful thing to
become the wife of a godly man.
When I was six or seven, I asked God
to let me become the celestial wife of
Shem Filmore. How wonderful it
would be to marry the file leader, I
thought. But that was before I started
walking by the highway.
The hawk must have seen something,
because he’s started to circle lower.
Beyond me, I notice two hares leaping
down the slope toward the coolness of
the ditch beside the road. They see me
and stop, but they haven’t seen the
hawk. I stop too, so I won’t scare them,
and stand perfectly still so they’ll feel
safe to keep going. After a moment
they start moving again. I feel a
momentary coolness even before
I see the hawk’s shadow sweeping
over the grass.
If I really have to marry someone, I’d
like to marry Elder Filmore’s son, Hugh.
He’s eighteen now and hasn’t been
given a wife yet. I’ve seen him looking
at me like he likes me. He’s sort of big
and gangly and he has this wild red
hair that sticks out from his head no
matter how he combs it, but he’s not
bad. Even so, what I really want to do
is stay in school, because I love to
learn things.
The hares sense the hawk closing in on
them now. One of them stays still,
while the other darts towards the
highway. I’m afraid it might run in
front of a car but after it climbs up
from the ditch onto the shoulder, it
stops. A couple of cars rush by, and it
doesn’t move. The hawk ignores it, and
circles above the one left behind.
If I can just get to Cresthaven, I can try
to find Auntie Ruth. She used to be one
of us, but now she lives with the Gen-
tiles. People say awful things about her,
but I remember her when she was at
Merciful. Before she left she was one of
Elder Filmore’s celestial wives. I bet
she’d help me stay in school. But would
she take me in if I just showed up on
her doorstep without any warning? I
think I’d better send her a secret note. I
wish I could telephone her but the only
phone is at Daddy’s main house where
everyone would be listening.
The hare by the road sees an opening
and scampers across to the other side.
In the same moment, the hawk strikes
the one that stayed behind—plunging
so quickly I didn’t even see it before it
struck. The hare screams as the talons
pierce her, and I let out a yelp of my
own. For a moment the hawk and the
dying hare are a frenzy of wings and
fur and slashing beaks and claws. Then
the hare lies still. I turn quickly away
and look at the road.
Soon I see a car filled with Gentiles
coming, a young family with two chil-
dren in the back seat, enough room for
me. I’m still too afraid to stick out my
thumb. Instead I turn away and when
the kids wave to me, I don’t wave back.
I make up my mind to try to write a
secret letter to Auntie Ruth before I run
away from Merciful. I have to let her
know what I’m planning.
While I’m walking along the gravel
road, I go right past the two big signs,
and later, I pass another sign made of
By Kenneth Neufeld
ICSA_volume3_proof6 5/10/11 12:14 PM Page 18
Let’s Get Lost
T
he road past Merciful is busy only
during tourist season, when cars go by
on their way to the resorts and lakes.
I’m not supposed to go near the high-
way, but I keep going there anyway.
Usually I like to walk by the road
because it’s a good place to look for
animals and birds, but today I’ve come
here because I’ve got an idea I can’t
get out of my head. If I really want to
leave Merciful, all I would have to do is
walk down to the shoulder of that
road and stick out my thumb.
Right now I’m walking parallel to the
road but a little away from it. I’m nerv-
ous about getting any closer to the
road. I use two hands to keep the hem
of my dress lifted slightly, so it won’t
trail in the dirt when I step down into
one of the hollows or gopher holes in
the rough grass.
The turnoff onto the gravel road to
Merciful is marked by big signs saying
PRIVATE PROPERTY. DO NOT ENTER. I
have to walk past these signs to get
here and then I can walk out onto the
small hills at the base of the mountain.
In the early summer, like right now,
the grass gets dry and starts turning
brown. I’m going to get dust all over
my black patent leather shoes.
If I ran away from Merciful, it would be
the worst sin I could commit. The
Prophet says we should have as little
as possible to do with the Gentiles. If a
Gentile tries to talk to me while I’m out
walking, I’m supposed to turn around
without a word and run away, showing
him only the back of my long white
dress.
But today I don’t have a choice. No
matter what the Prophet says, I need
the Gentiles’ help. I just turned four-
teen, and that means I’m old enough
to be a celestial wife. The Prophet left
yesterday to go back to Utah, and he
almost certainly left instructions with
the file leader, Shem Filmore, about
what should be done with girls like
me. If so, today I will be told the name
of the man I’m to marry.
But now that I’m down near the road,
I’m afraid to take the step that would
get me away from here. The wind ruf-
fles my hair and I can smell the deli-
cate, earthy scent of the grasses as the
last of the dew dries off them. I look
down toward the road, but can’t bring
myself to go any closer, let alone start
hitchhiking. What if someone picks me
up and something awful happens?
Again and again Elder Filmore has
warned us about the evils of the Gen-
tiles. But I don’t really want to go back
to Merciful, either.
I don’t want to be a celestial wife. At
least, not until I finish school. Maybe
never.
Above me a hawk circles in the pale
blue sky, watching out for hares,
gophers, or mice. I squint from the
sun, and can only make out the black
and white markings on the hawk’s
brown wings as he circles the sky,
keeping watch.
When I was a little girl I looked forward
to becoming a celestial wife. I thought
it would be a wonderful thing to
become the wife of a godly man.
When I was six or seven, I asked God
to let me become the celestial wife of
Shem Filmore. How wonderful it
would be to marry the file leader, I
thought. But that was before I started
walking by the highway.
The hawk must have seen something,
because he’s started to circle lower.
Beyond me, I notice two hares leaping
down the slope toward the coolness of
the ditch beside the road. They see me
and stop, but they haven’t seen the
hawk. I stop too, so I won’t scare them,
and stand perfectly still so they’ll feel
safe to keep going. After a moment
they start moving again. I feel a
momentary coolness even before
I see the hawk’s shadow sweeping
over the grass.
If I really have to marry someone, I’d
like to marry Elder Filmore’s son, Hugh.
He’s eighteen now and hasn’t been
given a wife yet. I’ve seen him looking
at me like he likes me. He’s sort of big
and gangly and he has this wild red
hair that sticks out from his head no
matter how he combs it, but he’s not
bad. Even so, what I really want to do
is stay in school, because I love to
learn things.
The hares sense the hawk closing in on
them now. One of them stays still,
while the other darts towards the
highway. I’m afraid it might run in
front of a car but after it climbs up
from the ditch onto the shoulder, it
stops. A couple of cars rush by, and it
doesn’t move. The hawk ignores it, and
circles above the one left behind.
If I can just get to Cresthaven, I can try
to find Auntie Ruth. She used to be one
of us, but now she lives with the Gen-
tiles. People say awful things about her,
but I remember her when she was at
Merciful. Before she left she was one of
Elder Filmore’s celestial wives. I bet
she’d help me stay in school. But would
she take me in if I just showed up on
her doorstep without any warning? I
think I’d better send her a secret note. I
wish I could telephone her but the only
phone is at Daddy’s main house where
everyone would be listening.
The hare by the road sees an opening
and scampers across to the other side.
In the same moment, the hawk strikes
the one that stayed behind—plunging
so quickly I didn’t even see it before it
struck. The hare screams as the talons
pierce her, and I let out a yelp of my
own. For a moment the hawk and the
dying hare are a frenzy of wings and
fur and slashing beaks and claws. Then
the hare lies still. I turn quickly away
and look at the road.
Soon I see a car filled with Gentiles
coming, a young family with two chil-
dren in the back seat, enough room for
me. I’m still too afraid to stick out my
thumb. Instead I turn away and when
the kids wave to me, I don’t wave back.
I make up my mind to try to write a
secret letter to Auntie Ruth before I run
away from Merciful. I have to let her
know what I’m planning.
While I’m walking along the gravel
road, I go right past the two big signs,
and later, I pass another sign made of
By Kenneth Neufeld
ICSA_volume3_proof6 5/10/11 12:14 PM Page 18
